Hi all. I’ve been away from posting because I’ve been dealing with some family issues. My grandmother died yesterday morning; her funeral is Monday, so I’ve been here at my parents’ house spending time with them.
The last couple of days have been sad. She took a swift downturn early in the week, and then make a turnaround, so it looked like things were going to be fine. However, shortly after that, she started getting worse again, and it was pretty much a steady decline after that. Denny and I were planning to come to Des Moines to see her in the hospital on Friday after work, but on Thursday morning it looked clear that things weren’t going well, so we came Thursday instead. I’m really glad we did, because when we got to the hospital Thursday night, she was still alive. She was asleep/sedated, but she did make some noises that seemed like recognition when we
talked into her ears.
We went back to Ames to spend the night at my parents’ house, and my mom stayed with her at the hospital. The phone rang at 5 a.m. on Friday; it was my mom telling us that she had quietly passed away. I’m glad my mom was there with her. The nurse woke my mom up to tell her that Maw’s heartbeat was very slow and she probably only had a few minutes left, so my mom was there talking to her and touching her when she died. Maw wasn’t conscious, but if she felt anything at all, it was her daughter there telling her she loved her.
When I first heard that she was on the downhill and probably didn’t have much time left, I was sad but a little relieved, because she had been in constant pain for months. She had severe osteoporosis, and her bones were crumbling from the inside. She had crushed vertebrae that made it impossible for her to move or walk. Still, once we got there and it all happened, it hit me harder than I expected it to. I guess no matter how much you know it’s time and that it’s what has to happen, it always hurts. I’m glad her pain has ended,
My mom asked me to speak at the funeral. I’m trying to decide what to say. How do you comment on an almost 85-year life in just a few minutes? She was a very big part of my life, especially when I was little. My parents were young then (younger than Denny and I are now), and they turned to the grandparents a lot for support during those early years. I was their first child, and I know Maw and Granddad helped them a lot as they figured out parenthood.
I always remember Maw as being very glamorous. She was always impeccably dressed, in matching suits with fancy blouses and plenty of sparkly jewelry. Her blonde hair was always done up in a French twist (and in fact, she kept it that way until less than a year ago). We sometimes teased and joked about her fussy hair, but she took great pride in her appearance, and I think that was something that got her through tough times. I loved playing with her jewelry and pretending to be a fancy lady like her.
She was well-traveled, too. She had hand-made Chinese silk dresses from trips to Hong Kong, and the image of her wearing one epitomizes 1950’s cocktail party glamour to me. There wasn’t a lot of room for glamour in small-town Iowa, and my grandfather’s business didn’t always bring in loads of income, but she made it happen. She was never one to wallow; she kept her spirits up. She was an avid learner, too. In her 70’s, she got a computer and became an Internet junkie. She researched genealogy and started collecting pottery from Ebay. Every now and then she’s stumble upon naked lady pictures, and my Granddad would get mad if she forgot to show them to him.
So…yeah. I haven’t decided for sure what I’m going to say at the funeral, but the gist of it is probably going to be what I will remember most from her: that there is always something to laugh about, even when times are tough, and even if you can’t find something to laugh about, you should at least have on some sparkly earrings.
I’ll miss you, Maw.
