People and the things they do
I’ve been hearing lately about some of the crappy things people do to each other. In a relationships forum I read, people were talking about some of the seriously outdated double standards some men still hold women to. It blew my mind, really, that people still think that way, maybe because none of my male friends have those attitudes.
Then my coworker Jack was talking about some of the terrible things that can happen to kids with neglectful parents (though, interestingly, he came down on the side of crack rather than alcohol in a “what damages fetuses less” discussion. I do not believe he meant this as a suggestion, so please don’t take it as such.). I’m really glad all the parents I know are thoughtful, caring people who, despite occasional challenges, are trying to do right by their children.
It’s important to surround yourself with people you admire, I think. How else are you going to improve if you don’t have good influences? But on the other hand, it’s easy to get insulated and forget about all the people out there who are really troubled. I certainly don’t run into them much in my job; university professors, by and large, don’t have meth problems (though I’ve met a few whom I think are certifiably insane, whether drug-related or not). Public school teachers seem to deal with the brunt of this, and probably other professions too, but I hear about public school problems through some teachers I know, including Denny’s mom.
It’s such a weird class problem. Even though we have this mythology in the U.S. that even the poorest person can ascend to great heights, I think it’s less and less true nowadays. My first job out of college was really, really easy. It was pretty much glorified data entry, but it paid really well considering how little work I actually did. I learned how to type in elementary school. I really did not need a college degree for that job, but if I didn’t have one, I couldn’t have applied because it was a requirement in the job description. There’s no reason someone who didn’t go to college couldn’t have done that job.
I went to college straight out of high school not necessarily because I had any specific goals (I did have a major, but that had more to do with subject matter I was interested in than a career path), but because it’s what middle class kids do when they’re 18. I really enjoyed college and grad school, and I absolutely support the idea of learning for the sake of learning, but I have to admit it’s a pretty bourgeois concept. It seems like my life is the result of a series of small decisions, most of which can be tied back to class issues. Had I grown up in a different family environment, things might have been very different. Weird.
I’ve had to phyiscally restrain Leah from approaching a mother who was smoking near her toddler (not crack, I don’t think, but still). I suppose it’s not the worst thing you can do, but golly, I can’t imagine purposely engaging in any activity around Ava that has a better than 1% chance of hurting her.
And I think calling the “Rage to Riches” story a “mythology” might be a bit strong. At the very least, it’s a well-documented phenomenon, albeit rare (and getting even more rare? I don’t know.). Besides, it’s a fairly relative thing. If you can go from not being able to support your family to supporting your family, that’s a pretty big jump. Hell, all these poor people should come to Iowa (we can always use more poor); with a state motto like “Fields of Opportunities,” the sky’s the limit! Also, the new casino down near Riverside promises to reverse the fortunes of thousands of Iowa residents (in both ways, no doubt).
I didn’t learn to type until junior high, and then I learned from a guy who had a couple fingers amputated. My grandfather would never let his two daughters take typing courses because he didn’t want them to become secretaries. And he never let them chew gum in public, becuase he said it made them look like cows chewing their cuds (and with a last name like Holsteen, I suspect you can understand his concern).
Longest, dumbest comment ever? Could be! I’m like a pox on your blog.
I work with kids who have never had their parents read to them. Ever. It is still a concept I find hard to believe.
Of course that is not the worst thing that has happened to these kids. And I know all about the problems associated with drinking while pregnant. I had to try to teach an 8th grade kid with fetal alcohol syndrome his multiplication table. I wanted to grab his mother by the throat and say, “How could you drink while you were pregant. Don’t you see what it has done to your child.” But, then I realized that his Mom probably never had anyone around to help her see how wrong it was or tell her how to treat her baby.
Urgh, no, I didn’t mean it as a suggestion. I was remembering something I’d read (here’s something similar) about a research project that showed that, once you control statistically for poverty symptoms such as lack of pre- and post-natal medical care, malnutrition, etc., children exposed to cocaine in the womb don’t have long-term cognitive problems. Hard to believe, but it seems to be true.
Children with fetal alcohol syndrome, by contrast, have permanent damage to their central nervous systems, including but not limited to cognitive problems, as Holly has experienced firsthand. From that perspective, alcohol is definitely worse.
Yech. New topic, please.