News, 31 October 2002: Halloween! I got my mermaid tail finished last night, so 
now I 
just have to get the finishing touches together before Elton and I hit the town 
tonight. We 
don't have any specific plans or destinations, and I don't care. I just want to 
wear my 
mermaid-that-got-caught-in-a-boat-motor costume.

I did some work on the Greta Garbo site today, specifically adding and anotating 
some 
images and finally putting something in the Thoughts from the Site Creatrix 
section. Oh, 
I also did some work at work. I must have, actually, because I haven't had time to 
work 
on the big novel yet. That's ok; I'm still ahead of schedule, right? It's not due 
till 
November 30.



News, 30 October 2002: Danny and Tiffany are having a boy. They wanted a girl, 
which 
is perfectly logical, but I'm sure they'll still like their baby. Plus, it makes 
it statistically 
more likely for my cousin Debi to have a girl. Hush, you. Statistics exist to 
serve me, not 
vice versa.

Did you know that November is Write a Novel month? I started mine today (yeah, I'm 
a 
cheater). I have 22 pages written, but it's sort of cheating since it's mostly a 
short story I 
already wrote. It's peripherally about my favorite serial killer, Richard Ramirez. 
It's also 
about some other things. You'll have to wait to buy it to find out the rest. And 
be a dear 
and buy it at Prairie Lights instead of Barnes & Noble, OK?

News, 29 October 2002: It's really unfair of anyone to expect any work to get done 
on a 
day like today. Cold, rainy days are meant for drinking hot cider in bed.

I was working on making an online survey for this site, but I'm getting an error 
message 
saying I don't have permission to access /cgi-bin/formmail.pl on this server. It's 
like they 
don't want me to misuse work resources. Oh well.

My coworker Danny and his wife are having an ultrasound right now, and they hope 
to 
find out the gender of the baby. I have a plastic lobster that squeaks when you 
smack it. 
That is all.

News, 28 October 2002: The dinner party didn't happen. We did go to the Lincoln 
Cafˇ 
again, though, and of course it was good. We both got the roast duck breast with 
apple 
vinaigrette, caramelized onion gnocchi (which the waitress hilariously pronounced 
"nooky") and foie crostini. We had a nice Rioja with it.

In less pleasant news, I miss daylight savings time already. Winter is depressing 
because 
I spend almost all my daylight hours at work. It seems like I have no life outside 
this 
damned computer. I did solve a tricky problem today that involved integrating a 
couple 
of spreadsheets in order to associate names with user IDs in the WebCT 
environment.

And, over lunch, I got sparkly lip gloss.



News, 25 October 2002: Maisa's busy this weekend, the big stinker. Oh well. We can 
have a Spanish food party without her, gosh darn it! Or else we'll just go out to 
dinner.

I was hoping for a relaxing day at work, but this afternoon, things got wild and 
crazy. 
Apparently some nutty things are going on in the College of Nursing's web life, 
and 
who's coming to the rescue? Aprille! 

I got the zombie Otto figure from Burger King last night. I don't even like Burger 
King 
very much. See what the Simpsons drives me to?



News, 24 October 2002: Maisa hasn't called back yet. I hope she's not out of town 
or 
something; how else will the dinner party happen? I mean, it's always fun to cook 
dinner 
with Elton, but I was looking forward to adding a little wildness to the mix this 
time.

In other news, I just ordered the first season box set of DeGrassi Junior High, 
the 
Canadian super-show. It will be sort of good when work picks up again and I don't 
have 
as much time to shop online. I can't afford to keep this up much longer.



News, 23 October, 2002: I started work last night on my mermaid-who-got-caught-in-
a-
boat-motor Halloween costume. I still don't have definite Halloween plans; Elton's 
law 
school Halloween party is Friday night, but I could only stay for a while and 
would then 
end up at No Shame all bloody and fishy. I mean, I'm used to finishing my No Shame 
nights like that, but I try not to arrive in such a state.

I'm sure something will work out.

On Saturday night, Elton and I have tentative plans to host a small dinner party. 
My 
friend Denny is always lookin' for love, and my friend Maisa just got divorced, 
and they 
both like delicious food...what more could you ask for? I sure hope love abounds.

*claps hands in glee*



News, 22 October 2002: I think maybe I swallowed a little bit of my fluffly 
sweater, 
because there's something very tickly in my throat. I vaguely recall a coughing 
fit in the 
middle of the night, like there was something floating around my trachea. It's 
probably 
the Loch Ness Monster.

Spring break plans have arrived. Elton and I have several sets of friends in 
Boston, and 
I've never been there and always wanted to, so we're going to jaunt out east. 
During some 
of the time we're there, we hope to go to New York and enjoy some music and 
theatre 
(but not musical theatre, thank the lord of non-musical theatre). I want to see 
Proof. It's 
about math and love. I hope the Pythagorean theorem is involved. It's the sexiest 
of the 
formulas.

Countdown to the East Coast: 144 days.



News, 21 October 2002: Last night I dreamed I was being attacked with a pool cue 
by a 
surly former student. I didn't realize I had so many hangups about inflicting 
verbs on 
people.

The weekend was fun; the law deal was pretty interesting, and afterward we went 
out to 
the Lincoln Cafˇ and to the movie The Ring. Come to think of it, we played pool 
too. 
Maybe the scariness of the movie combined with my horrid billiards skills added up 
to 
my nightmare. The movie was pretty good, though. Naomi Watts, normally a favorite 
of 
mine, didn't really have a very interesting part. I hate that, when actors get 
famous for 
really special, innovative roles and films and go on to do conventional, dull 
roles (c.f. 
Reese Witherspoon: Election > Sweet Home Alabama; Owen Wilson: Bottle Rocket > 
Behind Enemy Lines; Will Smith: Six Degrees of Separation > everything he's done 
since).

I still liked The Ring. I just wish Naomi Watts had been as great in it as she was 
in 
Mulholland Drive.



News, 18 October 2002: Tomorrow is the big "Parents and Partners" day at the law 
school, which I'll be attending with Elton's mom and dad. The law school sent us a 
case 
to study, and there's going to be a mock class where I guess they're going to call 
on us as 
if we were actually law students. Unfortunately, the only thing I know about law 
is that it 
comes before "& Order" in that show Ken likes. I hope I don't manage to get Elton 
kicked 
out of law school.

In other news, I made some updates to the Photos page, including a bunch of 
pictures 
from last weekend, featuring my friend Rachel and a bunch of stuff from my cousin 
Betsy's wedding. I also added a really delightful one of Elton with his hand 
shoved up a 
duck to the Recent Digital Camera Images section.



News, 17 October 2002: Crap! I just realized I completely forgot to update my site 
today. 
Sorry, loyal readers. I don't think I can update from home, either, unless the 
cable (both 
TV and modem) starts mysteriously working again.

Now I feel like a bad web mistress for not having a new Fancy Lady and featured 
link. 

Um...crap! Now I have performance anxiety.

Must run. Must hide.



News, 16 October 2002: I had to order a new digital camera interface cable because 
I 
can't find mine, so no new pictures yet. I did some rearranging, though, so if you 
haven't 
played in my photos area recently, you might see something new. Or else you can 
wait 
for a couple more days when I upload new stuff.

My coworker invented the term "out-port" today. It's the opposite of "in-port."

The boss is gone, and I don't think there's anyone left here at the office. It's 
funny--even 
considering all the slacking I do, I'm still one of the hardest workers here.

Today I was having lunch with a bunch of people from work, and my coworker Kaspar 
was 2/3 of the way through his cheeseburger before he bit into the wrapper the 
slice of 
cheese came in. Mmm...plastic cheese separators...



News, 15 October 2002: I'm in the process of redoing the photos on this site, 
since my 
.Mac stuff is going to disappear any minute now. I'm working on the travel section 
right 
now, and I'll be uploading other stuff later. I hope I have enough disk space on 
this 
weiner Avalon account.

I need to get groceries. There's no more juice to drink straight from the jug. Our 
orange 
juice container is a good indicator of what color lipstick I'm into during any 
given week. 
Elton, inexplicably, does not find this disgusting. Or maybe he does and he's too 
polite to 
tell me.



News, 14 October 2002: I'm going to revamp my photos soon, because my .Mac account 
is expiring (I've decided not to renew). I also have new pictures from last 
weekend--crazy 
tropical drinks at Chino Latino and pictures from my cousin's wedding.

I'm working on a No Shame piece about Bigfoot. It's only Monday, though, so it may 
well go through many changes before Friday night. I like to get a head start.

Currently listening to: the delightful sounds from the link above.



News, 11 October 2002: Can't update much--my former coworker Phil is sitting in my 
office and I want to chat. Also, I'm leaving for lunch/Minneapolis soon. I'm 
excited 
because I get to see Rachie tonight. Must go! Must go!



News, 10 October 2002: Elton wasn't feeling well last night, but he seems to be 
doing 
better now. It hit him yesterday evening as we were drinking an after-word/class 
beer at 
the Deadwood. Maybe it was poison beer! I had the same thing he did, though, and 
I'm 
feeling fine...maybe they didn't wash out his glass. Gross. It's not exactly the 
most 
hygienic of locations, I fear.

The week is sliding toward a close. I'm looking forward to this weekend's 
adventures, 
which will include eating at Chino Latino, purportedly the best fusion cuisine in 
the Twin 
Cities.

Currently listening to: "Embraceable You," Billie Holiday



News, 9 October 2002: The secret agent assignment went very well, thank you very 
much. And Red Dragon was scary, just like I expected.

I'm getting excited for the weekend already. I'm spending Friday night with my 
dear 
chum Rachel in Minneapolis, then Saturday is my cousin's wedding. Sorry, that 
means I 
won't be at No Shame this week. Naturally, the weeks I'm not going to be there, I 
get all 
kinds of great ideas, and then when the time comes to do my next piece, I can't 
remember 
them.

I'm really going to have to start taking notes.

I'm keeping the Viking Kitties up as my featured link, just because they deserve 
two days' 
worth of exposure.



News, 8 October 2002: I have a secret agent assignment tonight. Discussion thereof 
is on 
a need-to-know basis. Tell me if you need to know. The agency is actually 
recruiting, but 
naturally I can't divulge details here. Contact me if you want more info. 

Then, after the secret agent assignment, Elton and I are going to Red Dragon. I 
watched 
the trailer today, and I'm already scared in advance (in a good way). Actually, I 
think 
trailer 2 is scarier.

Currently listening to: "I Bleed," the Pixies.



News, 7 October 2002: Hey Emily, I made the Fancy Lady a redhead just for you. 
Plus it 
went with the dress.

Tonight I'm going to get my car's oil changed and the tires rotated in a futile 
attempt to 
make it as cool as Elton's. Elton's is pretty cool. It looks like a small space 
ship.

I got a particularly irritating batch of onions at the store yesterday, and 
slicing them in 
preparation for tonight's Western European Onion Soup was a painful experience. In 
fact, 
my eyes were still red and stinging when I woke up this morning. But it will all 
be worth 
it, I tell you, when they're caramelizing tantalizingly in the pan, the cheese is 
melting on 
top, and the house smells golden.

Also: I installed a shelf all by myself. I was supposed to have a drill to do it, 
but I didn't 
have one. Fortunately, I've been lifting weights. *flexes muscles and forces 
screws into 
walls*



News, 4 October 2002: Congratulations to me on surviving the bleakest week I 
remember. I believe it rained every single day this week--and I'm growing like a 
weed, I 
tell you what.

The weekend might turn out any of the below:

a) boring
b) fruitful
c) rockful

Elton's going to be out of town because he's going car-shopping with his parents. 
So...I 
might get a lot done around the house without him being a bad influence on me, 
making 
me sip coffee and eat pastries and read magazines all day. Also, it's my friend 
Jeff's 
birthday party on Saturday. Will there be rocking? Quite possibly.



News, 3 October 2002: Sorry, everybody. I got so excited playing with my new 
computer 
yesterday that I forgot to update. How sad indeed. But let me tell you, it's one 
bad mother 
(in a good way). And know what rocks? Rendezvous. I was going to set up printing 
(which is always a big pain and I can never remember how to do it), so I did a 
print 
command on a test document, and lo and behold...it not only found my network 
printer, 
but also the personal inkjet of the guy around the corner from my office.

Then my document printed perfectly. Oh, this is so cool.

Also, say hello to the new Fancy Lady. She doesn't love you, but she will tolerate 
you.



News, 1 October 2002: My new computer comes tomorrow. I can't wait. I'm going to 
kiss 
it with my arms.

It's rained on and off all day, and now it's really dark, like it's going to 
storm. I wonder if 
Elton is planning to walk home under these circumstances. I think he has class 
till 
4:30...hm...

Know where I want to go? Somewhere. It feels like I've been in the continental 
United 
States for like...literally months! Consecutive months, even. American Airlines 
has a 
good deal on a London package, but it's only for 3 nights. I kind of hate to 
travel all that 
way to not even have time to get over the jetlag. I'm very sensitive to jetlag, 
you know. I 
believe it's related to my insomnia.



News, 30 September 2002: The .Mac people are giving me fifteen extra days to 
decide if 
I want to subscribe to their formerly-free service. Should I do it? On one hand, 
it seems 
like it doesn't offer much that I couldn't get for free elsewhere. On the other, 
it would be 
more convenient not to have to move stuff around, and I'd like to support Apple. 
It's kind 
of expensive, though.

In other exciting news, I'm getting my new work computer on Wednesday. I'm going 
to 
be quite the little speed demon with that bad girl. Yee-haw!

Oh! And I kicked serious bocce butt at Lunch Sports today. We usually play to 10, 
but I 
had 9 and got a 2-point score. It was my best sports day, ever. Well, maybe it's 
tied with 
the time I won the somersault race at the Roosevelt relays.

Currently listening to: "Spiraling Shape," They Might Be Giants



News, 27 September 2002: Almost weekend, you know. Tomorrow night Elton and I are 
making Spanish food. It's supposed to be grey and bleary all weekend, so hopefully 
that 
will warm us up and inspire livingroom flamenco dancing.

Boy...it seems like I post a lot in here about what I'm going to cook for dinner. 
What does 
this say about me?

I kind of enjoy bleary weekends. It's so comfortable to stay in bed all morning 
(or at least 
the idea is comfortable; I usually wake up at 8 no matter what time I went to bed 
the 
night before. Then I work out because lying in bed is boring).

Oh! I was going to make a new Fancy Lady dress, by Photoshop says my scratch disks 
are full, and it doesn't seem to let me choose a new one. I mean, it looks like 
I'm choosing 
a new one, but then it still fails on startup. All the support I can find on 
Adobe's website 
involves changing settings within Photoshop, but I can't get it to start. Ugh.

Oh. I just realized it's because I only have 13 mb left on my hard disk. Oops. 
Can't wait 
for my new G4!



News, 26 September 2002: On tap for the weekend: car maintenance, cooking Spanish 
food, and hopefully some autumnal frolicking. Elton and I saw the harvest moon the 
other night when we were driving home, and it was something else. I got scared, 
then 
Elton reminded me it's just a cold lump of stone whirling around us that probably 
won't 
fall on our heads. I felt much better.

Too bad it's all warm and beautiful outside, because we're making chili tonight. 
Oh well. 
I'll just soak my feet in ice water until I'm in the mood.



News, 25 September, 2002: I seem to have lost a day somewhere. I could have sworn 
today was the 24th, and yesterday's entry was even dated the 23rd until I changed 
it just 
now. I swear, the Rolling Stones were dead wrong with that "Time is on my side" 
crap. 
Time is wearing me down! Time is the enemy! Squandered lives! Massive scale! Our 
principles! (Some phrases taken from the Bush speech website)

Assuming the server restore goes as planned tonight, by tomorrow morning, people 
will 
be bringing my roses and reminding me how helpful and smart I am, instead of being 
ungrateful jerks. We shall see...good luck to the guy who's actually been in 
charge the 
whole time, but conveniently avoids any sort of customer contact.

I think I'm going to have some yogurt now. I had bananas foster yesterday, which 
was 
very gross, and I even like bananas foster a lot. It didn't taste all that much 
like bananas 
foster, though. Plus it was beige. Creamy white I would have enjoyed. Even a 
yellowish 
tinge would have been fine. But beige food doesn't want to go in my mouth.



News, 24 September 2002: Things are better today at work today. There's less 
shouting 
and crying.

I would also like to formally express my gratitude to all the people who went out 
of their 
way to cheer me up yesterday. That's right, Anna Nicole Smith, I'm talking to you. 
Without your hilariously damaged brain rerunning on my TV screen, I might not have 
made it through the night.

Actually, that's not true. I mostly wanted to say that Elton is a big nicey. 
Thanks, my 
dear. I appreciate all you do for me.

I can't think of any jokes. Can you?



News, 23 September, 2002: Listen here, people. It's not my fault the damn SAN went 
down, and it's not my fault your WebCT data got lost. I'm doing my best, OK? Stop 
yelling at me.

HOWEVER...my nice friend bought me a peanut butter Twix, which made me feel 
better. 
That was just lovely. And...if you're reading this, Elton, we might just need to 
go to the 
Bread Garden for dinner. And I think you know what tone of voice I said "The Bread 
Garden" in.



News, 21 September, 2002: This is pretty crazy...I forgot to update yesterday, and 
I was 
feeling a bit bad about that, especially since I'm out of town this weekend (in 
Ames for a 
wedding, staying at my parents' house). However...my parents finally made that 
all-
important leap into high-speed internet, so it's finally worth it to get online 
from their 
house. So now I'm updating. This is so fun.

I don't really feel like commiting to changing the fancy lady's dress (all my 
files that go 
into that process are on my work computer) or shifting these old news updates to 
the 
inews page, but it's still exciting.



News, 19 September 2002: It is so bleak out. So bleak, so bleak, so bleak. Also, 
it's 
raining and I don't have an umbrella.

In good news, I'm getting a supersweet new G4 for work. Dig this: dual gig 
processors (I 
could have gotten dual 1.25 gigs, but that would have left me less money for other 
stuff), 
Ge-Force 4 Titanium video card, 80 gig hard drive, and 1 gig plus 256 megs RAM, 
SuperDrive (CD-RW and DVD-RW).

Oooooh, that will be a pleasure--with Jaguar, naturally. My dad will be jealous. 
Maybe he 
can come to my office at night and use it. He can just tell people he's a very 
technologically-advanced night janitor.



News, 18 September, 2002: I am feeling good about things. I 've set some goals, 
scrapped 
my healthy eating plan (for a while, anyway--a person can only have so many goals 
at 
once without tipping over from over-goaled-ness), and am generally feeling 
satisfied with 
my life.

Well, the skin on my neck itches a little, but I think it's because my necklace is 
poking 
me.

Tonight I'll go home and exercise, chill out with my darling, and make mental 
mischief 
upon the world.



News, 17 September 2002: It's been a while since my last update, since the weekend 
was 
busy and I was at a conference all day yesterday. But let me tell you, it was 
worth it. 
Would you like to know about the current state of CMSes at the Iowa Regents 
schools? 
Would you like to know what the plans are for the future? And what about web 
portals? I 
bet you'd like to hear what's going on with electronic portfolios, too.

Well, too bad, because that kind of information is strictly for computer 
consultants such 
as myself.

Oooh, remember that lady who was so rude that she could have made Santa Claus 
himself vomit with rage (see News, 9 August 2002)? Well, somebody got demoted. 
Hah.



News, 13 September 2002: The audition went well last night. I got called back for 
the 
role of Janet, which is pretty cool. It requires singing a soprano part, which 
isn't my usual 
range, and I think I kind of overcompensated and squeaked a bit during the 
audition, but 
maybe they'll forgive me.

Today's been a bit of a drag, though (no pun intended; I've got Rocky on the 
brain). I was 
looking forward to a nice relaxing lunch with Elton, but that didn't exactly 
happen. 
Work's been pretty slow, though. I think I'll leave a little early so I can work 
out and get 
some cleaning done before I go to the Asian American potluck with Elton tonight.

Denny wants you all to know that, despite missing the final episode of Sorority 
Life, he 
correctly called every single one of the pledges' decisions as to whether to join 
Sigma or 
not. He is very rad.



News, 12 September 2002: Rocky Horror auditions are tonight! I've been listening 
to 
.mp3s of the soundtrack so I'll be ready. Auditions are tomorrow night too, but 
that 
doesn't work so well with my schedule. I talked to the director, though, and he 
said I only 
need to come one night because he already knows I'm fabulous. That's what he said! 
It's 
going to be very mean of him if he doesn't cast me after building me up like that. 
Buttercup.

News on Denny's love life (this is for you, Liz): They went out last night, and it 
seemed 
to go fine, but it wasn't quite as great as their last date. He said she had fun, 
though, and 
that he should call her again. So Erika's either just really busy, which is why 
she's been 
incommunicata, or she's jerking him around like a jerk.

If the latter is the case...ooooh, she'll have hell to pay! I don't understand 
that expression. 
Why would hell want Erika's money?



News, 11 September 2002: Denny ate a Twizzler with a scab on it. Does this bode 
poorly 
for his date with the lovely Erika tonight? She hasn't called yet. Popular 
suspicion around 
the office is that she's jerking him around. Could it be?

Danny seems to be having a good birthday despite unpleasantness associated with 
today's 
date, and I don't mean Denny and Erika. His new iMac came today, so that was a 
very 
delightful birthday present for him.

Rocky Horror auditions are tomorrow. I've got my sequined hotpants all ready. 
Wiggling 
commences at 7 p.m.!



News, 10 September 2002: It's paella night at the Clarke/Wong household! We're 
getting 
fresh shrimp and crab from the Fabian Shrimp Truck, then combining it with chicken 
and 
real Spanish chorizo (buy some yourself from http://www.tienda.com) and rice and 
onion 
and oh my god I'm getting so excited and garlic and the saffron Elton's mom 
brought us 
from Spain and I think I'm going to squeal if I don't get it soon.

My coworker Danny's birthday is tomorrow. I can't think of any jokes that aren't 
in bad 
taste. 



News, 9 September 2002: It was nice, the weekend, and now it's gone. *sigh* Elton 
and I 
went to see Y tu mam‡ tambiˇn on Saturday, and it's probably a good thing that 
Denny 
and Erika didn't go. It was a great movie, but not exactly second date material, 
if you 
know what I mean. It was sort of like American Pie except someone paid attention 
to the 
writing and acting and directing, and there was very little regard for pandering 
to censors; 
it was pretty graphic. It was hilarious and sad and smart, though.

No Shame was pretty good on Friday. Nick Clark says he was disappointed by the 
show, 
that nobody is trying anything new. I can understand that; sometimes I get 
frustrated 
when people (including myself) fall back on crutches they know work. It's not 
something 
that really encourages personal growth. On the other hand, maybe people are just 
finding 
their voices. I don't know. I keep wanting to push myself to do something new, and 
whenever I feel like I have, people say things like, "An example of Aprille's 
signature 
style." Perhaps I'm trapped in a cult of my own personality. Or maybe I'm just 
boring. Or 
maybe I should just write to please myself and not worry about responses.



News, 6 September 2002: Weekend, weekend, week-END (to be sung to the tune of 
"Weekend, weekend, week-END"). I have my piece written for No Shame tonight. It's 
written in the style (practically to the point of pastiche, I'm afraid) of Tom 
Robbins, or at 
least that was my goal. Aw, hell, you can download it if you want (this is in .pdf 
form, 
which shouldn't be a problem unless you're using a computer from like 1993). ©2002 
by 
Aprille Clarke, all rights reserved, may not be reproduced without express 
permission of 
the author, etc. etc.

As for the rest of the weekend, my pal Kaspar is having a party, which Elton is 
excited to 
go to because he wants to see Kaspar's collection Frank Zappa records. We might 
also go 
see Y tu mam‡ tambiˇn.

Currently listening to: "Mama Said Knock You Out," L.L. Cool J.



News, 5 September 2002: The report from Denny is that his date was very successful 
and 
they're going out again Saturday night. There's no stopping Deginald!

In my comparatively dull life: Elton and I got lots of good vegetables at the 
farmer's 
market yesterday, so we're going to grill them into deliciousness tonight. Danny 
and 
Tiffany have posted some potential baby names on their website...I like Fiona so 
far. One 
wrinkle is that they haven't decided what last name the baby will have yet, so 
they can't 
really gauge how the names sound together yet. I just realize this paragraph was 
supposed 
to be about my life, but I wrote about Danny and Tiffany's fetus instead. Well, 
maybe I'll 
update if something interesting happens.

Currently listening to: "The Sun Is a Mass of Incandescent Gas," They Might Be 
Giants



News, 4 September 2002: Denny has a date tonight! He called Erika yesterday, but 
she 
wasn't home, so he left a message that included his work number (which was, in my 
opinion, very nice of him, since it meant I might be able to eavesdrop on the 
phone call). 
She called back today, but I was with a client doing this "work" thing people keep 
referring to. Anyway, he'd initially planned on them going out Thursday night, 
first 
making dinner at his house, then going to see Y tu mam‡ tambiˇn at the Bijou. But 
she 
wanted to go out tonight, and the movie doesn't start until tomorrow.

We all agree (Denny's love life as become as much an office sport as bocce and 
rubber 
band shooting) that inviting her back to his place is a bit presumptuous, so they 
should 
have a post-dinner destination of some kind, but we haven't thought of anything 
good yet. 
If you have ideas, feel free to contact dennis-crall@uiowa.edu.

Currently listening to: "I Came as a Rat," Modest Mouse





News, 3 September 2002: The weekend is over. It was pretty relaxing; I went and 
visited 
my family, since they were having a party to celebrate a new deck/outdoor 
recreation and 
relaxation area they constructed in the back yard. it was very lovely indeed. 

No Shame starts on Friday! I'm looking forward to it. My writing has changed over 
the 
summer, I think...I've stopped trying to write jokes. I don't know how well that 
style will 
go over, but really, am I doing it for them or for me? I think of No Shame 
primarily as a 
venue to be exposed to other writing and having the chance to expose myself (hah). 
Then 
I get an opportunity to see how others' work has influenced mine and vice versa. 
It's cool 
when the audience digs it, but really, they only paid a dollar. And since my 
contribution 
is only 1/15th of what they paid for, I only owe them 6 and two-fifths cents' 
worth of 
entertainment.

Maybe I'll put in one joke.

Currently listening to: "Anchorage," Michelle Shocked. Pretty song indeed.



News, 30 August 2002: Work is strangely peaceful today.

I went out for a beer with my friend Maisa yesterday. Ever since I started working 
in 
technology, I've been in an all-male environment basically all day. And I don't 
even have 
a female roommate anymore (no offense, honey; I like living with you very much). 
It was 
just really nice to have some female contact. I always took ladyfriends for 
granted when I 
was in school (especially grad school, because so many of my fellow TAs were 
women), 
and now I really miss them. So it was good to see Maisa.

Denny's lovelife update: He called Erika (though he still doesn't know her last 
name, 
stupidly). She sounded happy to hear from him, but she already has plans for this 
weekend. This is no insult to Denny, since he actually has plans this weekend too, 
but he 
was considering cancelling them if the lovely Erika would spend time with him. 
Anyway, 
they're doing something next week. The current plan is to make ravioli together. 
Very 
romantic, no?

Countdown to Spain: 9 months (note: this is not for sure. It's a possible study 
abroad 
thing Elton might do and I might tag along. But I get uncomfortable without a 
countdown).



News, 29 August 2002: So I was sitting here feeling all bad because somebody said 
something that hurt my feelings. Now, this person probably didn't even mean make 
me 
feel bad, it was just a combination of context and hormone levels and 
inconsistencies 
between my "I don't give a shit" public persona and "I do, in fact, give a shit" 
inner self.

But then I got to thinking about Eleanor Roosevelt. That quote of hers has become 
a 
clichˇ, but it really worked for me today: "No one can make you feel inferior 
without 
your consent." If Eleanor Roosevelt were here, mysteriously working as a computer 
consultant at the University of Iowa, she'd just roll her eyes and go out and 
register 
women to vote or something.

WWERD? That's my new motto.

Currently listening to: "Hollywood Freaks," Beck





News, 28 August 2002: Man, I could hardly get out of bed this morning, and not 
just 
because I was dreaming about Justin from American Idol's before- and after-the-
nosejob 
images (aside: Elton walked in while I was watching that show last night and said, 
"I 
hope that guy wins because he looks like Sideshow Bob." He is correct). No, the 
reason I 
didn't want to get out of bed is because my sheets are soooo great. 

I think a person's bed should be a true oasis, a hedonistic pocket away from the 
harshness 
of the world. Mine is even more now.

Currently listening to: "Monkey," George Michael



News, 27 August 2002: According to Denny, his date with Erika last night went just 
smashingly. I bet he's truly grateful that Ken, Danny and I spent the entire 
morning and 
some of the afternoon prodding him into calling her. Anyway, he reports that she 
said she 
had a really good time and that he should definitely call her. He says he'll 
probably need 
prodding to do that to.

And it's not that he doesn't like her. He does. Sometimes I wonder how that boy 
got 
anything done before I started working here. Honestly.

ALSO: My 500-thread count sheets came in. I stuck my hand in the package and it 
was 
like diving into a small container of whipped cream, only I didn't have to go wash 
my 
hands afterward.

ALSO 2: I did a lot of work yesterday on the Greta Garbo site, and I'm curious to 
know 
how the Images page works in different browsers with different OSes. Let me know 
if it's 
disastrous for anybody. By the way, I can't make the images load centered or 
anything 
unless I'm willing to host them on this server, and I don't feel like it right 
now.

Currently listening to: "Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye," Leonard Cohen.



News, 26 August 2002: Denny got a phone number! Erika didn't really need to be 
waiting 
our table, since I think someone else was assigned to it, but she kept coming by, 
and one 
time she touched Denny's arm. Then, since he had the foreknowledge that she'd 
recently 
moved to Iowa City (the better to smooch her with), he asked her if she was all 
moved in. 
She said yes, and then she asked if he wanted her number. Denny, showing newfound 
levels of good-thinkingness, said yes.

I don't know if he's called her yet or not. I hope so.



News, 23 August 2002: What a week it's been. I can't remember a week at work yet 
when 
I've had so little goofing around time. I'm very much looking forward to the 
weekend, 
which is going to include a monumental evening for Denny in the love department, 
if I 
have anything to do with it.

For those of you who don't know me well, please don't misinterpret that last 
sentence. 
Denny is a friend and coworker of mine, and I'm working hard to arrange some dear 
love 
between him and a waitress at this restaurant we like. Her name is Erica. She's 
very nice.

Currently listening to:"Every Breath You Take," the Police



More news, 22 August 2002: I did some work on the Greta Garbo site today.

News, 22 August 2002: So far it's been a pretty peaceful morning, the first one 
I've had 
all week. Maybe the panic of "Oh crap, classes start Monday and I don't have a 
website 
yet" has waned. One can hope.

Ken's four-year-old son Aaron is hanging out in the office today. He and Ken were 
looking at my Vegas pictures, and when they got to the one of my torso, Aaron said 
in 
exasperation, "She needs to learn how to use her camera."

Actually, Aaron is full of funny things to say. Ken set him up on a video game on 
an old 
G4 we have sitting with a monitor on the floor in the corner. Danny was working 
away 
on his G3, and Aaron came up to him and whispered, "My computer is faster than 
yours."

Currently listening to: "Lady in the Radiator Song," The Pixies



News, 21 August 2002: I'm giving a tech demo for Spanish and Porguguese TAs this 
afternoon. It's hard to imagine that it was only a year ago that I would have been 
one of 
those people getting ready to start taking classes and teaching undergrad Spanish. 
I kind 
of miss it, in some ways. For one thing, I miss the schedule. I never get to watch 
Trading 
Spaces anymore (except on weekends), because I don't have 2-hour blocks of free 
time in 
the afternoon like I used to. And teaching was actually pretty fun.

On the other hand, if I were still in the grad student financial paradigm, there's 
no way I 
would have been able to get those 500-thread-count cotton sateen sheets I just 
ordered 
online. (If you're reading this, honey, surprise! We're getting new sheets! Well, 
it can't 
hurt to have a spare set, can it? Besides, I got a good deal. And what was I going 
to do, 
get crappy sheets? Why do I go to work every day if I can't have two sets of 
luxurious 
sheets?)

Currently listening to: "Heart of Glass," Blondie



News, 20 August 2002: Elton had his first dayof law school yesterday. He has a 
week-
long class this week (although technically the week is dedicated to "orientation") 
and a 
final on Saturday. So far he really likes it. He's so excited to be learning again 
that his 
hair is sticking up.

Also, hearty congratulations to Danny and Tiffany on the fetus they made!

Currently listening to: "Iodine," Leonard Cohen. I love this song...well, more 
like I love 
the lyrics; the saxophone gets a little out of control there for awhile. But the 
lyrics are 
great. "Your beauty on my bruise like iodine..." Poor Lenny.



News, 19 August 2002: I'm home. I'm exhausted. We had a great time, though I'm 
somewhat poorer (but not too much), just like the rest of my friends except luck 
princess 
Sarah, who won about as much as a person can on nickel slots. It seemed impressive 
to 
us, anyway. Now I get to have lunch with my friend Becky, who recently got back 
from 
the Peace Corps. Maybe I'll get a sandwich with no mayo so as not to feel so much 
like a 
lushed-out American.

Hah. Good luck to me.

Currently listening to: my stomach rumbling.



News, 16 August 2002: I'm leaving in 2 hours! Last night I was seized with plane-
crash 
paranoia, which is weird since I don't normally have any flying-related fears. 
Well, one 
time I had fear that I was going to barf, but it was a long and very bumpy flight.

I think I'm just experiencing some post-9/11 trauma.

But just in case, if you're wondering if I love you, I probably do.

Countdown to Vegas: 2 hours.



More news, 15 August 2002: Look, Dad, I played sports! Am I the daughter you 
always 
wanted yet?

News, 15 August 2002: You're going to have to deal with the plaid for awhile 
(which is 
OK, because I think it's kind of cool, even though I learned from some fashion 
magazine 
that Berber plaids are ever-so-out this season. Anyway, I won't be updating 
tomorrow or 
Saturday or Sunday because...because...I'm going to have my arms surgically 
removed. 
They probably will have grown back by Monday. I'll let you know.

I get Indian food soon. Raaaawk.

I was just thinking...after I finish today's "Countdown to [destination]," I won't 
have a 
new countdown. Seems like high time to be making some vacation plans. Currently, 
the 
places I want to go are (not necessariy in order):

Prague, Czech Republic
Boston, MA, USA
Uruguay and Argentina
San Sebastian, Spain (I've been there, but Elton hasn't)
Portugal (?)
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Gift certificates for appropriate airlines accepted! My favorite airline is 
Lufthansa (lots of 
free chocolate and cognac), but they don't go to all the destinations I want to 
see.

Countdown to Vegas: 1 day. Ay ay ay.



News, 14 August 2002: Aren't you glad I had a few spare moments to make a new 
fancy 
lady dress? Tomorrow: plaid!

Tonight we're going to the farmers' market. I love the farmers' market. Elton 
plans to get 
the ingredients to make pasta a la putanesca. Woohoo, hooker pasta for dinner.

For those of you who haven't heard about it yet, a friend of mine is directing a 
stage 
version of Rocky Horror Picture Show, and he asked me to audition for it. Now, 
I've 
always dreamed of being Columbia, but then someone suggested I'd make a good Janet 
(yes, that's Susan Sarandon, in what is unequivocably her greatest performance. 
Dead 
Man Walking my ass). What do you think? Janet's a bigger part, but Columbia gets 
to 
wear more sparkles.

Currently listening to: "Everybody Knows," Leonard Cohen.



News, 13 August 2002: Sorry I've been so neglectful of my site lately (ie--no new 
fancy 
lady outfits for awhile). Work's been really busy.

My coworker Ken got in trouble for events related to News, 9 August 2002. Well, 
not in 
trouble exactly...but the whiners (who are mad because we did all the work for 
them not 
exactly the same way they would have done it were they not lazy slobs) went over 
Ken's 
head and complained to the Dean. What a bunch of rude tattle-tales. The details 
are too 
many to go into here, but let it suffice to say that THEY'RE the slack-offs, not 
us here at 
ITS. 

Hmph.

Countdown to Vegas: 4 days. Also, the day we arrive is the 25th anniversary of 
Elvis's 
death. Viva the impersonators!



News, 12 August 2002: Except for some residual throat irritation, I'm feeling much 
better. That's good, because I've got an exciting weekend coming up. It feels like 
something people would do in a selection from Oprah's Book Club--a bunch of lady-
friends flying in from all over the country to spend a hedonistic weekend 
together. There 
may be cathartic crying. There may be mud face masks. There may be wanton and 
flagrant abuse of a male stripper's thong (just kidding, dear).

Countdown to Vegas: 5 days.



News, 9 August 2002: OK...so let's say there's this certain college at the 
university that 
used to do its own Blackboard support, but their servers got too wimpy so they 
decided to 
turn Blackboard over to ITS, where I work. Let's say this college does ZERO work 
in 
helping this transition, not even INFORMING their faculty that their websites are 
changing to another server and must be accessed through a different URL. Let's say 
the 
college dumps all the tedious work on your humble narrator, and then let's say 
they start 
WHINING that the stuff isn't done exactly how they would have done it.

Well, you didn't do aforementioned work, did you, BEE-YOTCH. So shut your goddamn 
mouth.

P.S. Sorry for the swears. It was a rough day. 

P.P.S. Since there are multiple colleges involved in this transition and only one 
of them is 
being unpleasant, I will let members of each college assume members of the other 
college 
are the ones being buttholes. That is, on the off chance that they read my page. 

P.P.P.S. I had no time to give my fancy lady a new outfit. You'll just have to 
tolerate the 
purple spots for the weekend. Sorry. Don't hit me! I know, I know, you only hit me 
to 
show me how much you care.



News, 8 August 2002: Well, rumor has it a cold is going around, and I fear I've 
got it. At 
least it doesn't seem too bad so far. I'm glad I have it now, so I'll be over it 
in time for the 
wackywild Vegas weekend.

I have a new yo-yo. I got it by default when Phil's office got cleaned out.

Elton's old roommate James is coming to visit tonight. I hope I feel up to having 
some 
fun. That would suck to just have to sit around being boring while he and Elton 
live the 
wild life. Regardless, I have to work tomorrow, so it probably won't be too wild.

Ooooh...I have a coupon for free lip gloss, so I think I'll go check that out.

Currently listening to: "Straight Mentirosa," Mellow Man Ace



News, 7 August 2002: My throat is sore. I'm not sure if it's because I forgot to 
take my 
allergy medicine yesterday or if I'm getting a cold, but regardless, talking and 
swallowing 
are painful. Maybe I'll go home early. It's not like anybody's interested in 
online learning 
anyway. Pardon me while I whimper and feel sorry for myself.

In much nicer news, Elton surprised me with roses yesterday. What a nice boy. It's 
his 
last day of work today. He's going to take a little while off before starting law 
school. He 
got his schedule in the mail the other day; I've worked with some of the law 
professors in 
technology situations, and fortunately he doesn't have class with any of the 
really awful 
ones (yet). There was this one ho-bag who wanted me to do all her damn scanning 
for her 
rather than having me teach her how to use the scanner, as is the philosophy here 
at 
Academic Technologies. Even after explaining that to her, she seemed to think I 
was her 
damn secretary instead of a highly skilled computer consultant. Hmph. Anyway, 
Elton 
doesn't have her for class, so that's good.

AND...things are looking up in my friend/coworker Denny's quest for love. Actually 
it's 
more like my quest for love on Denny's behalf, but anyway, we have a solid lead.

Countdown to Vegas: 9 days.



News, 6 August 2002, 4:25 p.m.: Holy crap! I just realized that the workday is 
very 
nearly done and I haven't had a spare five minutes to work on my site all day. 
That never 
happens. The semester must be almost ready to begin.

I dreamed last night that I was in Las Vegas with my friends getting ready to go 
out on 
the town, but our hotel room was more like a dorm room--scratchy linoleum floors, 
dirty 
mirrors, generally crappy. I was thinking, "Man, the Bellagio's website is really 
not very 
representative."

Shrimp truck comes tonight! I love to eat shrimp because I can devour a single 
creature in 
one bite. Guess who's on top of the food chain now, suckers!

Currently listening to: "Crush on You," the Jets. Heh.



News, 5 August 2002: The Wongster and I went to the Lincoln Cafˇ on Friday night, 
and 
there is strong evidence that there could possibly one day be love a-brewin' 
between my 
co-worker Denny and one of the very nice staff members there. This thrills me to 
no end, 
since it's one of my life goals to find love for Denny. Now all he needs to do is 
change his 
basic life approach from its current one (inaction) to a different one (action). 
Know what 
I mean?

Currently searching Gnutella for: My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult, for junior 
high angst 
memories.

Countdown to Vegas: 11 days. 



News, 2 August 2002: Anybody else set for the best weekend ever? Actually I have 
no 
real plans, except going out to the Lincoln Cafˇ tonight (I asked Elton on a date 
and he 
said yes. Shiver me timbers!) and meeting my cousin Laura's new boyfriend. I hope 
he's 
awesome. You know my preference for awesome people.

Oh, and my coworker Steve brought granola bars for everybody. So that was pretty 
cool.

Currently listening to: "Cherry Pie," Warrant. Hell yeah.



More news, 1 August 2002: While I'm going to do more, here's a start on my Greta 
Garbo 
site.

News, 1 August 2002: Hrm...so I was working on this problem for a faculty member 
who 
didn't use her website for FOUR YEARS and then got mad when it wasn't there 
anymore, 
and in the process of solving her problem I put in a request at the Customer 
Information 
Desk for a restoration, blah blah blah. The lady at the CID came to update me on 
the 
situation, and what was on my screen? Why, today featured link, of course.

For dinner tonight: chicken enchiladas with fresh tomatillo sauce.

Currently listening to: "Nature Boy," David Bowie