I’m totally going to jinx myself by writing this, but I don’t think my phone has rung all day. This is amazing and wonderful.

Also, I think I forgot to put on b.o.dorant this morning. Luckily, it’s a chilly day, so the old pits aren’t too out of control. Wasn’t it nice of me to share that attractive fact with you? My friend Paul used to have the habit of pointing out the most disgusting aspects of himself to people. I don’t know if it was a self-loathing thing or what, maybe an attempt to alienate people. It’s weird, because Paul’s a pretty gregarious fellow otherwise.

Warning: gross example ahead. Paul told me one time about how sitting in the middle of some situation, like class or a meeting or something, and he felt something warm oozing out of his ear. Apparently he had a zit in his ear that popped and made a giant mess, and he was stuck somewhere that made it inconvenient to go clean up, so he had to just sit there with blood and pus falling out his head.

Paul, if you’re reading this, I’m a little sorry I told the whole internet the story about your exploding ear zit. I’m also not sorry, because you say things like this all the time, so either you really don’t care or I’m just helping you in your journey toward alienating everyone.

I wonder if this blog would be better if I, you know, planned out what I was going to write before I wrote it. I sat down to blog the fact that I was so excited about my phone not ringing, and not two sentences in, I’ve totally changed the subject. That’s bad writing, folks. I blame my armpits.