Dear Tobin,

One of the qualities I love most in you is how you’re always ready and willing to help. Whenever we ask you to do some extra work, like vacuuming the stairs or shoveling snow, you pitch in without complaint. Your cheerful attitude makes you a pleasure to have around.

Another way you like to help is by pitching in with cooking. I was getting dinner ready a while ago, and you came upstairs and joined me in the kitchen. You asked, “Can I stir the fry?” You did a great job, and I think you took satisfaction in having been part of the process. You played an even bigger role last weekend when we had a family pizza party. You and your dad used to watch a lot of pizza-related shows together, and that got you in the spirit of making homemade pizza. I don’t think you’ve watched any lately, but you must have remembered the techniques your favorite pizzaioli used, because you did it like you’d been doing it every weekend. I was especially impressed with the way you slid the pizza off the pizza peel and onto the stone. I had girded my loins for disaster, but you did it perfectly on the first try.

Tonight, I’m trying a new recipe for potstickers, and I have already invited you to make them with me. I have fond memories of making wontons with my aunt Lily, and I hope I can transfer those decades-old skills into dinner. I also hope you enjoy eating them. While I wouldn’t call you a super adventurous eater, you’re more open than other people in the family, and helping make something is always a good start toward eating it.

Because of the obvious limitations COVID creates, we’ve been doing a lot of hanging out at home and making our own fun. The cooking projects are one branch of that, but we’ve also expanded our weekly family cocktail hours into family parties. Last weekend the main event was the pizza-making, and prior to that Callum suggested WiiU bowling. We hadn’t played that for a while, so it was fun to give it a try. It’s going to be a rude awakening if we ever actually go bowling again, because while video game bowling is fun, it’s a pretty different experience. You’d have to toss that Wii-mote pretty hard to get a sore shoulder, but I guess it’s possible given your levels of enthusiasm. It’s hard to imagine ever feeling comfortable going into a bowling alley again, wearing rented shoes and sticking one’s fingers into the crevices of a bowling ball. Maybe we’ll just be weakings (Wii-klings?) forever.

You actually have been staying reasonably active with your twice-a-week Zoom taekwondo. Sometimes it’s hard to get you enthused about it, since your main motivator for taekwondo was spending time with friends. Still, you always feel good afterward, and you’re a person who needs to wiggle around a lot. I am very grateful to the instructors who are continuing to provide this service out of their own generosity. We originally chose Parks & Rec over a private gym because it was considerably less expensive and we weren’t sure if you’d want to stick with it, but I am really happy with the choice. Not only have you made good friends among the other students, but the teachers are such kind, supportive role models. It’s a group that welcomes people of any gender, race, size, or athletic ability. All that matters is that you try hard and show respect. That’s exactly the kind of message I want you to internalize.

They’re cool with some silliness at appropriate times, too, which is important for a person like you. We have your school conferences coming up soon, and I’m looking forward to hearing from your teacher about how things are going for you. She calls now and then to check in, and from what I’ve gathered, all is well. I barely need to help you at all—in fact, you’re my kid who needs the least support with online learning. You get your stuff done and do well at it. We also found out that your score on a recent standardized test qualified you for ELP, which you were excited to learn. I was very glad that it went so well, because you had some technical difficulties during the online test. True to Tobin form, though, you didn’t let it faze you. You just continued on and kicked some standardized test butt.

Your current favorites: online gaming with your friend Ben, some anime series that you say is so spooky you can only watch one episode at a time, laughing, cozy sweatshirts, and Club crackers. Once the weather is just a little warmer and some of our thirty tons of snow has melted, I know you’re going to want to get outside and see friends, too. This cold winter has been hard for a social person like you, but I’m amazed by how well you’ve done. You mostly get along with your brothers and you almost always have a smile on your face, except when you’re mugging for the camera.

Every night as I give you your goodnight kiss, you run through a whole routine, which includes “Do you promise not to leave me?” (the answer is always yes), and you ask me what I wish for. I have a hard time coming up with an appropriate response in the moment, so I usually just wish for a good night’s sleep. You usually wish for a trip to HuHot. I don’t know when buffets will be back in our dining rotation, if ever, but it’s good to know that your wish doesn’t reflect a lot of angst. You just want some noodles with Khan’s sauce.

You are a joyful and resilient guy, and any room is better with you in it. Thanks for all the laughter and kindness you bring to our family.

Love,

Mom

Dear Callum,

You are such a fun little pup. I’ve been seeing so much evidence of your creativity and joy lately, and it’s delightful to be a part of it. School is continuing to go well. Unlike your brothers, you’d probably be happy to stick with online school forever. Next week is the beginning of 100% in-person education in our state (as opposed to the hybrid model, which the governor has axed). For all three kids, we’ve chosen to remain on the all-online model. COVID rates in our county are dropping, and I hope that continues to happen as more people get vaccinated, but the very same governor has also removed mask requirements and capacity limits on bars and restaurants. Our city still has a mask ordinance in place, so I hope we have a bit of a local bubble, but I still don’t feel confident sending you to school under the circumstances.

Your teacher mentioned today that several of your classmates will be leaving your online class and moving to in-person education, and the ones who attend our home school will have Mrs. Jensen and Mrs. Turnquist for kindergarten. I was envious in a way, because Miles and Tobin have had those teachers, and they’re both fantastic. You are definitely missing out on some important parts of the kindergarten experience by not seeing wonderful teachers like them face-to-face every day. You also would benefit from more independence. You did fine at preschool after a few nervous days, so I know you’ll sort it out once you move back to in-person school, but it will certainly be an adjustment.

Still, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the ICCSD teachers and staff have done an incredible job of building a true online curriculum. The specials teachers have built so many robust and interactive activities. We’ve set a lot of bookmarks so we can go back to the coding activities and stories from your library class, the songs and poems from your music class, the exercises and games from your P.E. class, and the art projects from your art class. Mrs. Turnquist was also instrumental in building the online science offerings, and those have become your absolute favorite. We’ve done so many interesting science activities and experiments together. We made plywood and particle board, sparkly blue paper out of pulverized toilet paper, a papier mâché bowl, and a weaving project that mimics the woven fibers of cloth. I can’t believe I missed out on doing all these projects when your brothers were in kindergarten.

You love organizing family events. You have a Valentine’s Day party planned for us at which we will eat treats, play WiiU bowling (is our WiiU even hooked up? I’ll have to check on that), and dance. You’re silly and sweet and lots of fun. You’re also tenderhearted and somewhat easily wounded. I have to watch my words carefully to avoid accidentally stinging you. You got a little teary today when you found out that Jackie Robinson died (in 1972).

Every now and then lately, you’ve been coming into bed with your dad and me during the night. It might be because Tobin hogs the blankets or the bed and you get uncomfortable—your dad said that when he went to wake Tobin up this morning, he was totally perpendicular to the regular orientation of the bed. While I don’t always get the best night’s sleep when this happens, it’s hard to say no to a cuddly little Callum. Now that I’m on kid three, I’m painfully aware of how fast you grow up. Miles would never dream of coming in for a cuddle now. He barely lets me brush my arm against his shoulder in affection. With my first kid, and to a much lesser extent with my second, I worried about forming bad habits and doing things “right.” Now I wonder what the hell I was thinking. Am I ever going to look back on my life and wish I’d spent less time holding you close while you’ll still let me?

Though we’ve offered you guys more privacy, for the time being, you still all choose to sleep in the same room. Miles has his own bedroom (with a bed in it, even), but he still prefers to sleep in the top bunk, and you and Tobin share the double bed on the bottom bunk. As I mentioned, Tobin’s physical size and wiggliness might be causing problems, but you all seem okay with it overall. A while ago you said to me, in a tone of true sadness and empathy, “Did you know that some people have to sleep all alone?” I can see your point. While some people sleep alone by choice, I prefer to sleep with your dad. It gets a little crowded with three of us in there, but it doesn’t happen often, and I know there will be a last time it happens at all.

Your current favorites: the book Mice and Beans by Pam Muñoz Ryan, mini pizzas, craft projects, watching Zacscottgames on YouTube, reading new words, and suggesting outlandish projects that I am reluctant to commit to doing (e.g., building a treehouse). Maybe when the summer comes we’ll do something larger-scale, but after all the work I witnessed our contractor and his team do, I don’t feel like touching lumber and drills and saws. I’m more of a papier mâché person. Mice and Beans has a cool piñata that looks like a turkey. Maybe we could make one of those.

I hope next month at this time the sub-zero temperatures are behind us and we’re starting to see a glimpse of spring. We don’t have any Spring Break vacation plans this year, obviously, but we’re hoping to spend some time with Mubby and Skitter and maybe even get outdoors a little.

You’re a great adventure buddy, my sweet boy. We’ll keep at it together.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Miles,

You’ve now completed a full month as a teenager, and much like everything else in the interminable blur that is our daily life, not a lot has changed. Things that should be fun and interesting, like registering for eighth grade classes, are clouded with uncertainty. Eighth graders at your school are eligible to take all kinds of interesting electives. You’ve already decided you want to take Eighth Grade Seminar, a special year-long class that is geared toward highly motivated students. While there are some umbrella topics and themes, my understanding is that the specifics will be dictated by students’ interests and decisions. We were very glad to learn that Seminar will be offered to students in both the in-person and online learning models, since it’s nearly impossible to say at this point which will be the better choice.

The other really exciting electives, unfortunately, are only offered in-person. For the time being, you’ve registered for in-person classes, because we figured it’s easier to switch from in-person to online than vice versa. I’m not sure how your schedule will pan out, but along with your core classes, you’ve chosen band, choir, computer programming, Rock Band 101, and maybe something else (book club?). There were so many interesting options, I was almost ready to go back to eighth grade so I could take them. I truly hope it’s safe for you to go back to school in the fall, because I’d hate for you to miss out on all the academic and personal development that come with attending school in person. I’ve already ranted here and elsewhere about the backward steps our Governor is taking that are reducing your odds, so I won’t get into that again. Fortunately, our local government is keeping mask ordinances in place. I don’t know if that will be enough, but it’s a comfort.

We’ve been doing our best to keep things stimulating for you around here. I enjoyed helping you do a science lab the other day, and it was fun watching you show your work to Callum. We’ve been keeping up our family tradition of cocktail hour on Saturday nights, which involves fancy drinks (non-alcoholic for the kids and teen, of course) in fancy glasses with fancy straws and no fewer than three maraschino cherries per beverage. More importantly, it’s a time when we listen to music and talk about fun topics and don’t call anyone out about late homework or messy rooms. It’s just a time to enjoy ourselves, dance around, and sometimes do something fun like a game or an art project. You got a fun game for your birthday that we played once with Mubby, and I want to do it again with the whole group this weekend.

You also play a lot of Minecraft with your friends, and it seems like your friend group is expanding beyond your elementary school gang. You mentioned playing with a newer friend named Xander, and I asked, “Is it Xander _____?” because I know the parents of a Xander your age. You said, “Oh, yeah, I guess that is his last name.” I’m glad your circle is growing, because it will be nice to have forged some more connections before you start school in person again, whenever that might be.

You’ve always been a bit averse to movement, and that’s not a good long-term life strategy, so your dad has been having you help shovel snow. There have been plenty of opportunities to do that in the last few weeks, ranging from really heavy stuff to mountains of powder. I’m happy to provide the hot chocolate after you get back inside. You’ve also done some walking on the treadmill. I don’t think you’ve ever recaptured the glory of your Let Me Run 5Ks, but it’s good for you. You’re always cheerful after you finish, though presenting you with that fact does not do much to improve your attitude toward future rounds of exercise. At least you can watch YouTube on your phone while you do it.

You’ve gotten interested in Dungeons & Dragons, though you’ve never actually played a game. I’ve done some preliminary research into online games, though I haven’t yet identified one for you to join. For the time being, you’ve read all about it, and I hope you actually get to play at some point. In fact, you read quite a lot. I rarely see you holding a book or your Kindle, so I guess you must read on your computer screen. You were assigned a book for your school Literacy class, and I asked you how it was, and you said, “Oh, I’ve already read that one. It was good.” You never mention what you’re reading unless it comes up in another context, but you’ve surprised me several times by having read something I didn’t know was on your radar. I’m glad you do something other than watch YouTube.

Your current favorites: pasta with tomato sauce, the Christmas candy you’re still hoarding, staying up late watching The Simpsons and talking to your friends online, wearing the same clothes until I remind you to change them, and actually being a pretty nice guy most of the time. You’re good to your brothers, mostly, and you and Callum especially have a nice bond. I know it’s normal to have some challenges as we work through this stage of your life together, but I respect you and appreciate your generally mature attitude. You’re aware of the forces beyond our control that influence our choices, such as how and when you’ll attend school, and you don’t throw tantrums about it. I know everything isn’t how you wish it could be, but I’m glad we’re going through it together.

Love,

Mom