Dear Tobin,

You’re really teetering between big-boy life and little-boy life right now.  Most of the time you seem confident, in-charge, and ready for anything.  Other times, especially at bedtime, you really need Mom cuddles.  I’m happy to provide those, but it can be hard to tell exactly what you need at what moment.

Last night, we got an email from your teacher asking that you not bring your Pokemon book to school.  She was quick to reassure us that you’re doing great, and that it isn’t a big deal, but you’re having a substitute teacher today, and she wanted to reduce any potential issues the sub might face.  You and your friend Lucas have reignited a strong interested in all things Pokemon, and you asked your dad and me many times if you could bring your books, cards, and accessories to school.  We always said that we needed to talk to your teacher about it first, because it seemed like the kind of thing that might be a distraction.  We never got around to asking your teacher, and it wasn’t until I read her email that I realized you’d taken the book to school at all.

When I went to talk to you about it, you burst into tears.  In your position, I would have been devastated by my teacher’s criticism, so I told you about the part of her email where she talked about how well you’re doing and that it wasn’t something to worry about a lot.  I was wrong, though.  Your main concern wasn’t disappointing your teacher.  You were just upset that you were going to have to stop playing Pokemon at school.

It was hard to know how to reassure you on that point, since your response was so different from what mine would have been.  That’s how you are, though.  You get very passionate about a particular topic, which at the moment is Pokemon, and you can’t think about anything else until that phase is over.

You’re still a very social little guy.  This new friend Lucas is one you’ve never played with much before, but now you talk about him all the time.  I had lunch with you at school a week or two ago, and you sat by one old friend and a bunch of new ones.  You’re feeling bummed out that your good friend Ben is going to Germany for about half a year.  He’s someone you see every week at Family Folk Machine, plus you went to a camp together last summer and have had quite a few playdates.  It’s going to be sad to have his family be away for a while, but the good news is that they’re lending us their house while they’re gone.  That way we’ll have a backup place to stay while our house is under construction, and we can do basic housesitting tasks for them while they’re gone.  You’re very excited to try all of Ben’s instruments, especially his drum kit.

We’ve had some fun family get-togethers lately, including a trip to Des Moines to celebrate your dad’s Uncle Tom’s eightieth birthday.  You fell right in with your cousins and had a great time playing with them.  We also took a trip to Nana and Papa’s farm, and you spend almost the whole day playing outside.  You rode around in the tractor and on the four-wheeler with Papa, you jumped on (wet and squishy) hay bales, and you fell in love with one of the kittens.

Most of the farm cats are pretty shy, but this is one that Nana brought home that had obviously become accustomed to people.  You named it (gender yet to be determined) Whiskers and played with it a lot throughout the day.  I’m sure little Whiskers will be much bigger by the time we get out to the farm next, but it was still sweet to see you two play together.  You would have loved to bring it home with you, but the rest of us have too many allergies and too little interest in pet ownership.  When I was a kid, Skitter used to take me to the ISU horse barns and dairy farms to get my animal fix.  You have Nana and Papa’s farm to visit, so we’ll stick to enjoying the company of animals in an outdoor environment.

You, too, prefer an outdoor environment.  Cold weather can be hard on you, when it’s not as convenient to run and play outside.  We’ve gotten out a fair amount during the nice days of fall, but I’m glad you’ll have taekwondo to keep you active during the winter.

Your current favorites:  Pokemon in all its forms; bread with olive oil, parmesan, and herb dipping sauce (a new love you discovered at a dinner stop we made in Grinnell on the way home from Des Moines); Honey Nut Cheerios; laughing; and generally being a wild and crazy guy.

I love you, my sweet Tobin.  I might not know exactly when you need cuddles, but I’ll be there ready to scoop you up whenever you need me.

Love,

Mom

Dear Callum,

You are a super-cool preschooler.  After only a tiny bit of nervousness at the start of the school year, you’ve settled right in.  Every school day, you’re cheerful about going, and you never cry or cling to me when it’s time to go inside with your friends.  It’s been a huge help that your teachers are kind, warm, and fun.  That has not been the case for every preschool teacher we’ve known—why anyone who doesn’t seem to enjoy the company of little kids would go into the field of preschool is beyond my understanding—but you’ve got a great team.  When I picked you up from school yesterday, I scooped you up into our usual post-school hold-hug, and because it was chilly, I didn’t put you down right away.  We saw one of your teachers, and you said, “Have a great weekend, Ms. Dee!”  She came right up to you and said, “You have a great weekend too, sweetheart.  I love you.”  She squeezed your face with affection.

I have the impression that she feels that way about all her students, and that’s  exactly what I want for every little kid in the world:  at least one person who finds true joy in them.

Best of all, you’ve seen your brothers around school and on the playground, and that’s a very special treat.  Additionally, the sixth-graders in Student Council have been doing buddy playtime with you.  Miles declined to sign up for Student Council, but several of his friends did, and you’re so proud and excited to get attention from them.  The other day after school you told me, “Some big kids played with us, and one of them was Esmé!”  Esmé is someone we’ve known a long time, and when I saw her later, I told her about what you’d said.  Her huge smile showed that she was excited about it too.

While school has been going great, you’ve been presenting some challenges at home.  I know it’s a normal stage of development:  when kids go to school, they understand that the pressure is on to use good behavior.  That can be tiring for a little brain and body, and at home, they feel safe enough to let loose.  We’ve been having problems with your listening and cooperation around the house.  Our usual policy is that you and your brothers get two “nice asks,” after which your dad and I start getting frustrated and resort to less polite communication styles.

I don’t know why you (and to a lesser extent, your brothers) haven’t figured out that pattern yet.  We’re very explicit about it.  Yet, for some reason, you burn through your two nice asks every time we ask you to do something simple like put away toys or go to the bathroom for teeth brushing.  Then we get less patient and raise our voices, and you burst into tears like we’ve impaled your Curious George toy on a spike.  I don’t get it.  I guess childhood is a time of learning how to function in a society and within a family, and I can’t expect you to have mastered it by the age of four.  I hope it sinks in before you’re thirty.

Your report from your swimming teacher said that you’re a great listener.  Maybe we need to start making our requests underwater.

We’ve had our usual flurry of events and activities this fall, including your first round of swimming lessons.  I wouldn’t call you a master swimmer yet, but you did put your face in the water.  We should probably get you into another session before our trip to the Florida Keys this spring.  That will offer plenty of beach and pool time, and while of course we will be with you the whole time, it would be nice if your swimming skills were a little stronger.

We’ve got other big changes coming soon, too.  We’ll be embarking on a home remodeling project that will make our house uninhabitable for an unspecified period of time.  I think most of the internal work won’t start till spring, but some external work will begin yet this fall.  Some friends are going to be away from the end of November through most of the summer, and they graciously offered us the use of their house in exchange for basic home-and-sidewalk maintenance.  It will be your first time spending longer than a vacation’s length of time away from our house, so I’ll be interested to see how you handle it.  We haven’t sussed out the sleeping arrangements yet, but something tells me you won’t want to be away from your brothers.

Your current favorites:  cinnamon toast cut into rhombuses, frozen yogurt with gummy worms (weird combination, but you like it), using the play kitchen and science centers at school, co-opting your brothers’ clothes and accessories, doing a strange grimace that you claim is a smile when I ask you to smile for a picture (see below), iPad and Wii U games, the book Big Pumpkin at bedtime, and listening to your brothers read stories to you any time of day.

You’re a sweet and cuddly little guy, Callum, and I’m really cherishing this last year I have with you before you go to school full-time.  You can be challenging, frustrating, funny, and thought-provoking.  You give really good hugs.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Miles,

I don’t know if you’re immune to it somehow or if it still lies in your future, but for now, you seem utterly unconcerned with the judgments of your peers.  That’s an unusual thing, and I applaud you for it.  Your school had a week of themed days to celebrate City High’s homecoming, and you embodied each theme with gusto.  Not surprisingly, your favorite was Crazy Day.

I had one person ask if that was your real hair and I had styled it with extra enthusiasm, but no, it’s the famed wig we got from Skitter.  That wig has served many roles in our family, and I anticipate it will find future uses as well.  It’s not going to be part of your Halloween costume this year.  You’ve chosen to be a British gentleman, which I thought was pretty creative and funny.  You got some cool accessories (including a monocle, which Callum calls a harmonocle), and you’ve been practicing your accent.  Yesterday during our carpool to band, your friend Jacob reminded you that you need to pronounce the word lever as “lee-ver,” so I know you’ll be well-prepared if that comes up during trick-or-treating.  I don’t know how old kids typically are when they stop trick-or-treating around here, but I think sixth grade was my last year.  I wouldn’t be too surprised if you volunteered to take your little brothers out in future years, though.

You’ve continued your good habits in brothering.  We had some long car rides recently, including a trip to Mubby and Skitter’s house and a visit to Nana and Papa’s farm.  During those long drives, you spent a lot of time reading aloud to Callum.  He’s a big fan of the Captain Underpants series, thanks largely to your expressive reading.  Tobin and Callum both had conflicts that prevented them from attending Back to School night, so you went with me and visited each of their classrooms along with yours.  I could tell how proud you were of your brothers by how you talked to their teachers and wanted to know what they’d been doing in school and how they’d been progressing.

It’s been fun having Callum attend preschool at your school.  You’ve run into him around the school a couple of times, and that’s always something you’re both excited to tell me about when I pick you up.  It’s really special for Tobin and Callum to have a big brother who cares so much about them.  That’s not to say you never fight, because you certainly do, but outside the house, you’ve got their backs.

You’ve been keeping busy with Let Me Run, band, piano, and Family Folk Machine.  You recently played a featured trombone part in a concert we did at an assisted living facility, and you’ll be part of a brass ensemble in our November concert.  I appreciate how musically inclined you are—I think you have a naturally good ear, and you’re also pretty conscientious about practicing.  Our Family Folk Machine director sent me the brass parts for the song yesterday, and she noted that some of them were more difficult than others.  After I showed them to you and you decided which part you’d like to play, I replied to her with that information, and she emailed back to say that she’d rather you played one of the harder ones.  She said she knows she can trust you to practice and really master the part.

We had a fun night out seeing Elizabeth Warren a few weeks ago.  An advantage to living in Iowa in a caucus year is that it’s not too hard to see your favorite candidates in person.  It was a beautiful evening, which was good because the event was outside.  We got there early and had to sit around and wait for a while, but you didn’t complain.  Once she started speaking, you were so engaged and interested.  Fortunately for us, families with kids got to go to the front of the photo line, so we didn’t have to wait too long to get a picture.  I was really impressed with the time and attention she gave you.  She’s a former teacher, and I bet she saw in you the kind of kid she’d love to have as a student.  She even commented on your hair, which I’m sure will not help the case your dad and I keep trying to make for just a little trim.

Your current favorites:  Minecraft, pasta, puns and riddles, sleeping in, reading, and being as weird as possible.  You won’t admit that you like my hugs, but you don’t usually try to get away very fast.  Having gone on training runs with you in preparation for the Let Me Run 5k, it might be just your general preference for moving slowly, but I’ll choose to believe that you secretly enjoy a good mom-hug in the morning.

Love,

Mom