Dear Toby-heart,

A day or two ago, we were winding down for bedtime, and as usual, you were still feeling energetic.  You bounced up and down next to me on the couch and said, “I love my personality.  It’s so fun.”

I cannot argue with that, my dear.  Sometimes your dad and Miles and I look at each other and silently communicate bewildered exasperation about how you rarely slow down, how the tireder you get, the higher you bounce.  You have a different way of processing input than we do, and sometimes it’s hard for us to understand.  Most of the time, though, it’s pretty entertaining.

Your talent for making friends has been in full-force lately.  You’ve had multiple playdates with multiple friends, both old and new.  Your friend Ben got you excited about golf, so we’re suddenly finding ourselves in the market for kid-sized golf clubs.  Your dad’s are for left-handed people, so you don’t have much opportunity to practice except when you’re playing with Ben.  I guess I’m going to have to start scouring Craigslist for a set of clubs for you.  You do tend to be very passionate about a particular topic for a short period of time and then forget about it (I’m looking at you, dice-stacking cup), so I’m reluctant to invest a lot right now.  We’ll see how long you stay excited about golf.

You also made some new friends at baseball, not just on your team but also the younger brothers of a teammate of Miles.  I happen to know their mom, so I think we’ll get some playdates set up with that group too.  You thrive in social settings and interactions with others.  It’s impressive and weird to me.

You also need plenty of running around and fresh air, and with all the rain we’ve had this spring and summer, you’re probably going a little nuts.  We’ve had a few nice days when we’ve been able to hit the splash pad and take a trip out to the Fossil Gorge.  We’ve also had fun splashing around in the creek behind out house.  We’re planning a home renovation project, with the mindset that we’ll make our current house work for us rather than look for a different one.  Spending time in our own little semi-urban forest makes me so happy that we made that decision.

You’re also a kid who loves ritual and tradition.  You woke up earlier than usual today because you knew your dad would be leaving for a business trip and you wanted to make sure to see him before he left.  Luckily, you were up early enough that the two of you were able to make time for one of your favorite special rituals:  a trip out for breakfast bagels.  Normally you make an event of it and play games and talk while you eat, but today you had to do a truncated version.  You were pretty sad when he hit the road, so I’m glad you got to enjoy at least some semblance of your favorite weekend treat.

Similarly, you’re attached to our other family traditions.  You’re never one to miss cocktail hour, and you really love having it out on our back porch.  The porch will probably be going away in the home remodel project, but we’re hoping to work a small balcony with bar stools into the plan, so hopefully we’ll be able to continue our fresh-air family time.

You’re excited about the library’s summer reading program, and you’ve discovered a new book series you like (The x-Storey Treehouse series by Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton).  It’s fun to hear you laughing as you cuddle up under a blanket with your book.  You’re particularly motivated by the second set of prizes, which include coupons for some of your favorite restaurants and the Iowa Children’s Museum.

Your current favorites:  playing with friends (especially Kit, Henry, and Ben), cubing, golf, pepperoni pizza, playing outside, running around like a crazy-man, and watching YouTube.

One of your missing teeth is growing in, and it won’t be long before that gap-toothed grin has disappeared.  Rest assured that your smile isn’t going anywhere, Tobin.  I, too, love your personality.  Thank you for all the sunshine you bring us, rainy season or not.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Callum,

Something I’ve tried many times but never found to be successful has finally worked:  a progress chart.  You had become fixated on this bubble-blaster toy you swore you saw at JoAnn Fabrics, and I never got it for you, but you kept bringing it up.  I also set the summertime goal of getting you to be independent in your bathroom use.  You’ve been potty-trained for some time now, but you still needed lots of reminders to go to the bathroom (and often denied the need to go until it was too late), and once you were there, you wanted help with your pants and underwear and getting on and off the toilet.  I knew that a preschooler should be able to do that stuff on his own, so we made a chart.  We defined a success as going to the bathroom without any prompting from a parent and/or handling all the physical tasks independently.  We drew a smiley face on the chart for each success, and it really motivated you.  You enjoyed choosing a color and analyzing the small differences in your past smiley faces (“That one looks like an onion”).  Once you were getting close to filling the chart, you liked counting how many successes you had left.

You earned the bubble blaster (though we couldn’t find it at JoAnn’s and ended up getting it at Walgreen’s, which may well have been where you saw it in the first place) and have been shooting bubbles all over the yard and park ever since.  You still sometimes need reminders to go, but you’re getting better, and you are definitely much more confident about going by yourself.  I think as long as you keep up the good work all summer, you’ll be all set for preschool in the fall.

You are my errands buddy, which is why it’s not surprising that you get interested in many objects you see along the way.  You’re mostly good at dealing with it when I don’t let you buy a toy or treat on every trip (though I’m a sucker for those three-packs of little chocolate bars at Trader Joe’s).  You have friends at all the places we regularly go, most particularly the bakery staff at Hy-Vee

Thankfully, the peak of your allergies has passed, so you’ve been able to play outside more.  It’s baseball season for your brothers, and I’d been keeping you at home most of the nights when they play.  It’s a long night—your dad jumps off the bus at 5:00, I hand him a sandwich for his dinner, and he and the boys head out to the ballpark to make Tobin’s 5:30 game.  Miles’s game goes until 8:30, which means they usually don’t get home until 9:00.  Now that nobody has to get up early for school, that’s not quite as much a “kiss goodnight and jump into bed” schedule as it was last month, but it still means you don’t get a lot of time with your dad.  You’ve gotten really cuddly with him lately, and I know you miss him.  Now that you’re not suffering so much from allergies, we can get out to the ballpark more.  We probably can’t stay for the entire 4-hour adventure–it’s pretty exhausting trying to keep you safe from kids throwing balls and swinging bats, and you keep trying to run onto the field.  Still, June provides some beautiful nights, so I bet we can get out there more often this month.

Lately you’ve become very sensitive to the moods of others.  You can tell when I’m feeling tired or stressed, which happens a lot by the end of the night.  Taking care of three kids all day plus a four-year-old all evening is no joke.  I know managing the baseball schedule is a lot of work for your dad, too.  We’ll all be glad when the nights get a little more relaxed.  But anyway, you can definitely tell when I’m running on fumes.  You say, “Are you happy?” and if I answer with anything other than a yes, you offer me a hug.  The hug does help a lot of the time, but if I don’t answer enthusiastically enough, you pressure me to smile and make an eeee sound to prove my happiness.  As a person who does not enjoy being bossed around, I resent the emotional manipulation, but I also realize that you’re becoming more attuned to the climate around you.  That’s a good skill to have—being able to recognize the feelings of others will help you develop empathy.  It’s also okay to be sad or tired or frustrated, though.  Sometimes a person needs a little of that too.

Your current favorites:  PJ Masks, Word Girl, making art projects, squirting water and bubbles, taking baths, playing outside, and helping with kitchen tasks (especially making Kool-Aid).  This is one reason I am placing a high priority on stain-resistant countertops as we plan our kitchen remodeling project.

We’ve got lots of fun things to do this summer, Callum, and it’s so cool that you’re getting big enough to fully participate in them.  I’m excited to have these adventures with you.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Miles,

This morning I had the privilege of writing a job recommendation for a young man whom our family knows, and as I wrote it, it gave me occasion to think about you.  I thought about how you were a shy and timid little boy, and how relieved I was when I learned that this great kid (at the time) attended the same elementary school where you would be starting kindergarten.  It eased my mind to know that, even if you didn’t often run into each other in school, there would be someone in the building who understood your tender little heart and would be on your side.  He’s applying for a position working with kids, and if your experience with him is any indication, he’ll excel at it.

Of course, he has long since left elementary school, and now you’re in the summer before your sixth grade year.  It’s becoming rarer, but our school district continues elementary school through sixth grade, so you’re ready to become one of the top dogs.  In some ways you’ve changed a lot from the little kindergartner you once were.  Your early-grader teachers used the phrase “deer in the headlights” to describe your reaction to being called on in school.  Now you’re relaxed and comfortable in an academic setting.

You’ve made some good friends, and even though you’re not the most socially active person in the world, I appreciate that you hang out with smart, interesting kids.  You’re not one to request playdates, and you’re just as happy alone as in a group, but you seem to have a nice gang to pal around with at school.  You have your favorite summer camp coming up later this month, FilmScene, and we organized it so you and your friend Daniel will be attending the same week.  The only way it worked in the schedule was for you attend with an older age group than your birthdate would indicate, but the organizers said it would be fine, since this will be your third year at the camp.  I think you’re ready for some new challenges anyway.

This is probably your last year of baseball.  You haven’t been enjoying senior league as much as the leagues you were in during previous years.  I think it’s getting more competitive at this stage, and it’s not as much fun for someone whose natural gifts lie elsewhere.  I don’t usually go to the games, because it means a very long night out at the ballpark between your game and Tobin’s, and that’s too much for Callum to handle.  I do plan to go some time next week, so I hope I can watch you have a least a little fun.  You seem to enjoy the concession stand popsicles, at least.

One recent achievement on the athletic and personal front was a great performance at the Let Me Run 5k.  Based on what I’d seen you do on the weekend training runs we did together, I was worried it was going to be a disaster.  You seemed to have no interest in pushing yourself for speed at all, feeling satisfied with a shuffle that you defined as “not walking” but I’m not sure truly met all the criteria as such.  But when race day came, you must have felt an adrenaline surge, because you improved your time from the training runs by a wide margin.  You were also thrilled to win your team’s Let Me Run Boy award.  That honor is given to one boy per team, the one whom the teammates decide best exemplifies the tenets of Let Me Run (“Let Me Run Boys are courageous enough to be themselves; push themselves to be fit in body, mind, and spirit; are loyal friends who encourage and support others; trust that teamwork, unity, respect, and perseverance open doors to greatness; are honest with themselves and others; responsibly choose what is right, never settling for what is easy”).  You’d been really hoping for that award, and I was so excited for you when you won.

Photo by Gary Clarke

Our busiest month is over now, although June is still fairly booked up.  We’ve been filling our days with trips to the library, the park, and running various errands.  You’ve been playing as much Minecraft as I’ll let you, which is less than you want, but it’s a compromise.  Your current favorites:  sleeping in late, Fox Trot comics, making YouTube videos, pasta, and playing in the park.  We got some good creek exploration done today, which was possible because we’ve had a few days without rain (unusual in this year of deluge).  The gnats were awful, but your attitude was mostly good.

In fact, I’ve been really happy overall with your attitude lately.  You’ve been especially helpful with Callum, which I’ve appreciated a lot.  Being home with three kids in the summer is no joke, and your ability to find creative and kind ways to help Callum be a productive family member is something I truly appreciate.

I look forward to a lot more fun with you this summer, my sweet boy.

Love,

Mom