Dear Tobin,

This is nothing new, Tobin, but the first thing that sprang to my mind to say about you is that you are a joy. You are so resilient, so energetic, so quick to laugh and shrug off negativity. You even kept it together when you didn’t win at Exploding Kittens a couple of times recently. You’re still a pot-stirrer; you have not yet mastered the art of knowing when to drop a topic. It seems like every dinner includes you getting admonished for needling one of your siblings (or for your dad’s pet peeve, chewing loudly). Still, almost every dinner concludes with you thanking me for dinner and telling me you love me. You are super-duper forgivable.

Earlier in the month, you and your siblings had a five-day weekend, so we turned it into a mini-vacation to St. Louis. We are considering it your Eleven trip, and while it was less exotic than Art’s Eleven trip to Orlando, we still had a really good time. I think you enjoy planning vacations as much as I do, and we did a lot of research together in preparation. You helped pick out our rental townhouse, which was quite nice and well-located. It was in the same neighborhood we had stayed in before, Lafayette Square, which has a lovely park, historical buildings, and good restaurants. Another topic you helped me research was the flavor selections at Clementine’s, a nearby ice cream shop, which we visited twice.

Our three big outings on the trip were the City Museum, the St. Louis Zoo, and the Gateway Arch. Though we’d been to the City Museum before, we had never gotten rooftop passes before. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t worth it, though you and your dad went on a Ferris wheel that looked terrifyingly high. It was still a good time, and we had a lot of fun exploring the rest of the place, including some nooks and crannies we hadn’t noticed before. The zoo was great, of course, and you felt a special kinship with some of the animals. I had a hard time choosing whether to include the picture of you below (the Wild Child) or one with the Somali Wild Ass. Guess which animal’s name you chanted more.

We found several good restaurants with outdoor seating, and the weather was so nice that we were able to relax and enjoy them. One thing I really miss about pre-pandemic life is restaurant dining. I know a lot of people have returned to it, but we aren’t doing that just yet. That makes it extra special to find good outdoor places. The first one we enjoyed was a pizza place near the City Museum. It made for a pleasant break from the crowds, and the piping-hot pizza helped me remember life before takeout and delivery were our main pizza consumption channels. The second was a brewpub in our Lafayette Square neighborhood. We met up with a friend of your dad’s and had a fun evening. Finally, on our way out of town, we got enormous pancakes and waffles at a place with a pretty patio.

You kept a great attitude the whole time, enjoying all the activities and relaxing cocktail hours that come with vacation. It made me glad to know that you had so much fun. As our family’s greatest tradition enthusiast, you enjoyed returning to old favorite places. We talk a lot about European trips, which are all still in the fantasy realm, but that doesn’t stop you from hunting for vacation rentals with me. We’ve identified some lovely city apartments in Rome and houses with pools in the Spanish countryside.

The mini-vacation had to end, and you went back to school. Even though you moan and groan about getting out of bed in the morning, you really thrive in the school environment. You have so many friends—every day when I pick you and Callum up, we’re met with a long succession of people yelling, “Bye, Tobin!” You’ve been enjoying learning about computer programming in ELP, playing with your friends at recess, and playing saxophone in the school band. I’ve gotten accustomed to the level of musical expertise the City High band displays, so it will be very interesting to go to your first concert in December and hear how a bunch of fifth graders sound.

Right now you’re trying to decide which sport to play in the spring. You had a good experience playing soccer this fall, and you’re strongly considering playing the spring as well. I told you that you need to pick between soccer and baseball, though, because I don’t have it in me to handle both. I’m hoping for soccer, myself. Now that you’ve joined, I find it hard to believe we haven’t been a soccer family all along. I genuinely enjoy watching the games, and I see friends among the adults at almost every game. We’ve been carpooling to practice, so I haven’t even had to do all that much driving. You say that you like playing soccer more, but you like the social elements of baseball. Since Callum usually played on the same nights as you but at a different time, you had a lot of hangout time at the baseball fields to have fun with friends and spend your savings at the concession stand.

Your current favorites: spicy chips (served with a large glass of milk), ice cream, online and in-person after-school hangouts with friends, helping prepare your Halloween costume, reading the Masterminds book series by Gordon Korman, listening to audiobooks, Star Wars, and wearing comfy clothes. Today was school picture day, and I convinced you to wear a nice sweater, but you insisted on sweatpants for your lower half. I couldn’t argue with your logic that they wouldn’t show.

I love you, you freckle-faced smile machine. Thanks for bringing me on your adventures.

Love,

Mom

10/23/22
Callum and I were talking about how plague doctors (his chosen Halloween costume) looked creepy but they were actually helpers.
C: They won’t know if I’m a trick or a treat!

10/19/22
Callum attended a marching band event last night at the high school in which senior musicians were recognized.
C: What are the grades again?
A: Freshman, sophomore, junior, senior.
C: Freshman…sophomore…junior…Seymour.
Little Shop of Horrors really made an impression on him.

9/27/22
I was a parent volunteer with Callum’s class as they saw a ballet, “Penny and the Wolf” (an adaptation of the classic “Peter and the Wolf”).
The character of Grandmother, played by a talented local teen, did an impressive solo. Callum leaned over to me and said, “She’s WAY too athletic to be a grandmother.”

9/25/22
C: Dad and I were playing badminton, and I beat him six games to zero!
A: (jokingly) Wow, he’s terrible at sports.
C: (aghast) Don’t say that! He’s your HUSBAND!

9/18/22
The kids and I got this Venus fly trap at Little Shop of Horrors last night.
C: We should name it Tim. (Pause) or Reginal.
A: Reginald?
C: Reginal.

9/14/22
C: i just realized I haven’t started your book!
A: It’s really more for adults then kids, so it’s okay if you want to wait till you’re older.
C: I’ll be older tomorrow.

9/12/22
Last night we got our traditional Sunday night takeout. Unfortunately, Callum’s fries got left out of the package, and we didn’t notice until we sat down to eat. I gave him my fries, which made him happy. It wasn’t so bad because Denny shared his onion rings with me.
Later, as I was helping him get ready for bed, Callum looked into my eyes and very earnestly said, “Mom, I want to thank you for giving me your French fries. I really appreciated that.”
He can have every French fry I ever get for the rest of my life.

9/3/22
Upon hearing a description of a corn dog:
C: I tasted that with my mind and it DOES sound good!

8/27/22
At bedtime last night:
A: What do you think you want to be for Halloween this year?
C (age 7): A plague doctor.
Okaaaaaay.

6/14/22
Callum asked me if Kentucky Fried Chicken is good.
A: I don’t really remember. I haven’t had it in probably thirty years.
C: Thirty years? I didn’t even know you WERE thirty.
I believe in the dignity and honor of age, but I also believe I’m going to bask in the glow of that comment for a while.

5/17/22
I was in the room while Tobin and Denny were watching the Celtics vs. the Heat.
D: That guy you like with the green hair is out hurt.
A: Good. I feel like he’s Giannis’s enemy. [Giannis is Tobin’s favorite player for the Bucks, who were recently kicked out of the playoffs after losing to the Celtics.]
T: He’s really not.
A: Oh, I know. I just like forming loyalties for no good reason.
D: You’re a sports fan.

5/17/22
C: Do we have any skewers?
A: What kind of skewers?
C: Like for kebabs.
[Callum has made and enjoyed fruit skewers in the past, so it seemed plausible.]
A: I think so. What do you want to do with them?
C: Make a crossbow.

5/11/22
Callum asked me to find the hat he got as part of his baseball uniform, “The one that says Crall hashtag ten inside.”

5/7/22
Callum’s thumbnail that he injured playing baseball is in the process of falling off as his new nail grows in to replace it. It’s kind of gross but not serious. I was trying to reassure him.
A: It’s annoying, but it’s not dangerous.
C: You know what is dangerous?
A: What?
C: Being stabbed by a spear in your sleep.

4/29/22
Callum was working on a school assignment. I came to check on him.
C: I made a good loaf of progress.

4/18/22
Callum’s teacher asked who in the class likes corn.
C: Off the cob is good, but on the cob is where it’s at.

4/16/22
A: I adore you.
C: I adore you more than you adore me.
A: I don’t see how that could be.
C: It could be and it IS be.

4/8/22
[Class hangout is a free-form Zoom when Callum and his classmates can chat.]
A: What did you do in class hangout today?
C: Um…um…
Denny: I heard him showing off a lot of Nerf guns and weapons.
C: That’s why I didn’t tell you.

4/5/22
As we were getting settled to read a bedtime book…
Callum: Eve of the Emperor Penguin, not the macaroni penguin.
A: There’s such a thing as a macaroni penguin?
C: Yes. Google it.
He was right, of course.

3/31/22
Callum: A sting is not as bad as your clothes catching on fire.
A: Well, yes. That’s true.
C: That happened to Quintero once.
That was a memorable New Year’s Eve party, Buffy!

3/15/22
A: Oh, no. Callum got Frosty all over his seatbelt [of the rental car].
C: Let’s not talk about that…just like we don’t talk about Bruno.

2/4/22
Callum: Why do people in weddings kiss mouth-to-mouth so much? That spreads COVID.

2/2/22
Artemis challenged Callum with a riddle.
A: Mary’s mother has four children. They’re named April, May, June, and…?
C: Denny?

1/19/22
Callum: “You can never tell how hungry you are. (pause) I don’t know if that’s a saying or not. (another pause) Sounds good, though.”

1/16/22
Scene: The dinner table. Teen is being sullen and uncommunicative. Ten-Year-Old is being crabby because his first choice for take-out night was unavailable due to low staffing, so he was forced to endure his second-favorite. Adult Woman is annoyed because Teen doesn’t like Ten-Year-Old’s second favorite, so she had to make an additional meal on what is supposed to be her one night off of cooking per week (chose to, technically, but she was still annoyed).
Callum, getting up from his chair and whispering in Adult Woman’s ear:
“I think you are DIVINE.”
So that helped.

1/12/22
C: What’s a leg of lamb?
A: It’s a kind of meat.
C: Does it come from alpacas?

12/15/21
Callum’s thoughts on the topic of exercise:
“I em going to teach you about exercise. You will lift. You will swet. You will flex. You will use a outfit. You will take brakes. It is fun!”

12/10/21
C: My foot hurts, pacifically my left foot.
A: Oh, really? What happened?
C: I feel like I have a scratch on the palm of my foot.

Dear Callum,

This has been an active and adventurous month for you. You’re well-established in your school routine, nailing your schoolwork and making new friends. Sometimes you get a little hung up when you don’t feel sure about how things are supposed to work. You were teary at pick-up time a couple of weeks ago, because you had been dismissed directly from P.E. and you weren’t sure if you were supposed to check in with your teacher in your main classroom. I offered to go back inside with you and ask, but luckily, your teacher happened to step outside at that moment. She reassured you that it was okay to go home without stopping by the classroom.

You were similarly freaked out when the weather started getting cold enough that you needed more than your green hoodie for the walk to school in the morning. For a while your compromise with your dad was that you’d wear a jacket to school, but he’d take it from you before you went inside and bring it home with him. It’s now getting cold enough that you need your coat during recess, and that provoked some resistance. As it turned out, you weren’t sure about what to do with your jacket when you were in the classroom. I gave you the assignment to watch what other kids did. We talked about possibilities, including my prediction that they would hang their jackets up the same place they put their backpacks. As it turned out, that’s exactly what they did, and you successfully wore your coat all the way inside today. At pickup, you told me that you forgot to grab it for one of your recesses, but I think overall it was a successful day in outerwear.

Possibly prompted by the footwear of your classmates, you expressed a sudden interest in learning to tie your shoes. We’re in the “it’s going to get worse before it gets better” stage of lace-up shoes right now, in which you really like wearing them, but it takes you quite a while to get them tied. Sometimes it’s easy for the baby of the family to be treated like a baby, and it hadn’t really been on my radar to teach you to tie shoes. It’s a good skill to have, though, and I’m glad you made the request. You’re doing a good job learning, and I’m sure you’ll get more and more confident as you practice.

You’ve also been excited about badminton lately. I’m not sure what got you on that kick—maybe watching a YouTuber who plays tennis. We don’t have easy access to a tennis court here, but we do have a badminton set, so you’ve been playing with that a lot lately. Though the weather is changing now, you had a lot of warm fall afternoons over the last month when you’ve gotten to enjoy it. You even get your big sibling outside to join you pretty often, which is a special treat. The two of you also worked hard on a computer game. Artemis taught you how to make a simple game using Scratch programming, and you two spent hours on it together. When it was finally done, you were so proud to show it to your dad and me. It was pretty cool. I didn’t do a great job deflecting the arrows to pop the balloon, but I loved how happy you were about the whole thing. Mostly I enjoyed watching the two of you cuddled up together on the couch, concentrating hard and achieving a goal together.

We had a family mini-vacation to St. Louis last week. We did a lot of fun stuff, including the City Museum, the St. Louis Zoo, and the Gateway Arch. I think your favorite of those places was the zoo. You got to see your favorite animals, flamingos. You also ate a lot of treats and picked out a special friend in the gift shop. At first you were disappointed that the townhouse we rented didn’t have a pool, I think because you associate our family trips with the water-centric Florida Keys vacations. St. Louis is warmer than our city, but not by much. The weather was perfect for lots of zoo exploration and outdoor dining, but not really for swimming. Still, once we got there, you totally fell in love with the place. You made me promise that we’d go back one day and rent the exact same house. I don’t know if that’s related to your cautious nature—you like going places where you know just what to expect—or if you just liked the rental house so much. Either way, you had a great time, and I’m really happy we got to take a getaway. Family vacations are very important to me, and it’s all the better when the rest of the gang enjoys them as much as I do. Maybe one of these years we’ll do something not specifically kid-centric, like an art museum.

You’ve been enjoying Family Folk Machine a lot lately, including a special performance where you sang a solo. You’ve also been getting ukulele instruction as part of the FFM children’s programming, and you’ve actually done a good job. You know several chords and can sing a few songs while you play. You’ve grown up surrounded by music, but the whole pandemic situation meant we didn’t get you into lessons like we did your older siblings. That might be in your future, but for the time being, I’m glad you’re playing the ukulele. We have a guitar or two hanging around that could be good for you to play if we got them touched up a bit. It won’t be long before you and your siblings can form a family band.

Photo by Gary Clarke

Your current favorites: chocolate-dipped granola bars, your school friends, the Humphrey books by Betty G. Birney, watching YouTube on the iPad, spending time with Artemis, holding my hand as we walk home from school, watching The Great British Baking Show with me, using words I didn’t realize you knew (e.g., on the topic of the judging of the former, “Do they judge on taste or aesthetics?”), and cuddling up at bedtime. The best part about having kids over a wide range of ages is that I know exactly what I need to cherish. Your big siblings don’t cuddle me the way they used to anymore, so I am extra appreciative of the love you give me.

You are learning and growing so much. School has been a great experience for you, and I love your inquisitive attitude and excitement. I know the world can be big and unpredictable, so I will do my best to help you contextualize your new challenges and find comfort in both the known and the unknown.

Love,

Mommy

My dear Artie-heart,

Fall chugs along, and we’re at the midterm point of your first trimester of high school. As far as I can tell, things seem to be going well at school. Your grades are excellent, you seem to have friends who care about you, and you’ve been enjoying the band community. A couple of weeks ago, you marched with your fellow marching band members in the homecoming parade. I was half a parade away, helping wrangle kids from your little brothers’ elementary school as they marched in the parade, but I smiled every time I heard you playing “Eye of the Tiger” in the distance. It seems like a generationally irrelevant song choice, since I’m barely old enough to remember the movie Rocky, but it remains a hit with the marching band.

You’ll start jazz band in a few weeks. I hope you find that enjoyable and fulfilling. I was hoping you’d get involved in some other activities, like speech or maybe robotics club, but for the time being you seem happy as a band geek. You even said that the stadium cleanups aren’t so bad. Your school band gets a big donation from the university in exchange for showing up on the morning after a Hawkeye football game and cleaning up the mess left in the stadium parking lots by attendees. I thought I’d have to drag you against your will to those sessions, but the prospect of hanging out with friends and doughnut holes afterward seems to be motivation enough.

Our school district gives students a short fall break, which took place last week. We took advantage of the days off to go to St. Louis. It was technically Tobin’s Eleven trip. We have established a family tradition of taking a special trip when a kid turns eleven. It started with you, when we went to Universal Orlando shortly after your eleventh birthday. We picked that because Universal features Harry Potter World, and Harry Potter got his invitation to Hogwarts on his eleventh birthday. Tobin is quick to point out that St. Louis is much less exotic than Universal Orlando, and I am quick to point out that he didn’t really suffer any disadvantage, since he got to go on both trips.

Anyway, we all had fun in St. Louis. It’s a reasonable drive from our house, and we rented a townhouse in our favorite St. Louis neighborhood. It was near a nice park, restaurants with outdoor seating, and a good ice cream place. It was also less than a ten-minute drive from the attractions we wanted to visit, including the City Museum, the St. Louis Zoo, and the Gateway Arch.  You said the City Museum was your favorite of the places we went. You declined to go up into the arch with the rest of the family. You’re both old enough and trustworthy enough to handle chilling in the museum while we did the arch ascent and descent, so it worked out fine.

Your general attitude has been pretty good lately. I frequently find myself heart-warmed by watching you interact with Callum. He’s been in a big badminton phase lately, and even though your default position is sprawled on your bed, I often look out the window and see you batting the birdie around with him. The other night, you spent multiple hours teaching him how to code a computer game on a simple gaming platform. You and your dad have been watching a show together, and he was going to invite you to watch an episode, but you and Callum were so immersed in your coding project that he held off. You and Callum finished it last night, and he was so, so proud to show it off to your dad and me. I could tell you were proud of him and tickled about how excited he was. The game is pretty fun. The player has to deflect arrows and make them pop a big balloon before the arrows land on the game characters. I enjoyed playing it, but most of all I enjoyed seeing your two smiling faces as you displayed your work.

We had assumed you would be getting braces soon, because your dentist referred you to an local private orthodontist. We later learned that we could get free orthodontic care for you through the College of Dentistry due to your dad’s job, so we switched you to that clinic. You had a few evaluative appointments, and at the last one, they basically said that braces are optional for you. You don’t have any serious dental alignment issues, so the treatment would be mostly cosmetic. Frankly, your teeth are pretty nice-looking. The orthodontist also said that one reason Invisalign is so popular with adults is that very few people wear their retainers long enough or consistently enough to maintain their results long-term. We know your brothers are both going to need braces, so right now we’re leaning toward skipping it with you. You do such a good job wearing your scoliosis brace as prescribed, it seems like it would be nice to let you not do mouth braces. You have a lovely smile.

Your current favorites: pasta, cream soda, sleeping late, making witty rejoinders, being a goofball, watching YouTube videos, and wearing exclusively comfortable clothing. You’ve taken a stand against jeans, preferring sweatpants or pajama pants. I think your least favorite part of marching band is the uniform. I don’t know yet what you’ll wear for jazz band performances, but I suspect the lower half might be something that does not have an elastic waistband.

I’ve had a fun fall with you so far, my sweet pup. Enjoy the few remaining beautiful days we have left.

Love,

Mom