Dear Tobin,

As usual, you’ve approached the last month with enthusiasm and vigor. You play with friends almost every day after school, and you’re always up to some kind of plan or adventure. Earlier this month, you and two of your neighborhood friends earned almost a hundred dollars by raking people’s yards on one afternoon. You claim to be saving up to build a gaming PC, though I’m not sure you really know what that project entails. Your dad seems reluctant to get you started on that, maybe because he anticipates how much of it he would end up doing. You already spend a fair amount of time playing video games on the devices we own, so adding another piece of hardware (many different pieces, I’d guess) might not be the best strategy for your development.

Another money-making scheme of yours is participating in scientific experiments. You tell me to sign you up whenever an experiment comes along that you are eligible for, and you’ve raked in a good amount of money and gift cards for your efforts. Your most recent one is a study of talented and gifted youth. You filled out a survey, did an interview, did activities on a computer, had your vitals measured (including the hand-scan below, which was measuring your finger proportions), took an IQ test, and sent in a saliva sample for genetic analysis.

We haven’t received the results of the IQ test yet, and I actually told the graduate student who administered the test that I’d rather not know. I feel like there’s not much benefit to knowing your own or your child’s IQ. I think of you as really smart, and there’s no need to put a number on that. If your score on that one test on that one day were lower than I expected, I’d feel sad. If your score were really high, you might get an overinflated ego or put too much pressure on yourself to succeed. Either way, we’re happy to support the research, and the details matter less than the fact that I know you’re a creative, bright, friendly, excellent kid. You’re also happy to get Amazon gift cards.

You had a fun Halloween, joining up with a group of friends in a neighborhood not too far from ours. You were a Chaos Agent, which I guess is a character from the video game Fortnite. I had never heard of it, but you showed me a picture, and I did the best I could. I think the costume turned out pretty cool. It was a chilly night, but you were pretty well-bundled and came home with lots of candy. You were kind enough to include Callum in your group, at least to start. He is good friends with the little brother of one of your friends, so it worked out well for a little-kids’ subgroup to form. Your dad walked with the little kids, and the bigger kids were free-range. Luckily everyone stayed safe and watched out for each other. It was a good night, and I think you’re finally through your candy.

You’ve enjoyed having more free time now that soccer season is over. As I mentioned above, you spend most afternoons playing with friends. You always want plenty of warning on stir-fry night, though, so you can help me make it. You also are an expert pizza maker. Mubby and Skitter were visiting a couple of weeks ago when we made Tobin’s Famous Pizza, and it was fun to include them. We only make one smallish pizza at a time, so it becomes an entire-evening affair, with the whole family involved. This time around, you not only did your usual saucing, pepperoni-ing, and cheesing, but you also cut up vegetables. You’re a pretty big vegetable-eater most of the time, but for pizza, you’re a purist. Luckily there were other pizza-eaters who appreciated the peppers and onions.

We’ve been talking a lot about our 2026 Europe trip, and I know the pizza part will be fun for you. Maybe we could even take a cooking class or do some other culinary activity. You have an adventurous spirit, and we’ll have a wonderful time learning together. Our spring break trip to the Florida Keys is coming up in a few months, and we’ve been sighing over how excited we are to get there. Not only do you love adventure, you love family traditions, and that’s what Keys are for us.

Your current favorites: helping me plan travel, such as scouring VRBO for possible European vacation rentals and viewing the one we already have booked for the Keys; being wiggly and not staying in your chair through meals; your favorite Adidas sweatpants and cozy hoodie; playing soccer and other sports with your friends; cooking and trying new foods; and reading (especially the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid book you got at the school book fair and anything by Rick Riordan).

You’re a joy, a spark, a dash of flavor in our family sauce. I love you so much, Tobin.

Love,

Mom

• 2 1/4 cups AP flour
• 1 Tbsp baking powder
• 3 Tbsps granulated sugar
• 1/2 tsp table salt
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 2 eggs, separated
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
  
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
  
• 2 cups milk

Mix flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, and cinnamon. In a mixer, mix egg whites to stiff peaks. In a separate bowl, mix egg yolks, oil, vanilla, and milk. Add to dry ingredients and mix well. Fold egg whites gently into mixture.

Cook in preheated and cooking-sprayed waffle iron. Ours uses a generous 3/4 cup batter per waffle. This recipe makes about 6 waffles.

Dear Callum,

As we move into the darker days of fall, you are a bright spot. You are sweet and affectionate, and you always have something funny and interesting to say.

We had conferences with both your regular classroom teacher, your student teacher, and your ELP teacher over the last week. You’re doing great, going above and beyond academically and doing well socially also. You have some good friends, especially Griffin and Josie, and you have even gotten to know some fourth graders through soccer and ELP. Your ELP teacher said you have a true love of learning, and she enjoys watching how excited you get when you learn something interesting. That doesn’t surprise me; you’ve been enjoying a lot of nonfiction lately at bedtime. Lately we’ve been reading a book about animals, including some very exotic ones. Last night I kind of blew it by telling you how to pronounce axolotl before asking if you already knew how. Spoiler: you knew, and you were mad at me for stealing your thunder. I don’t know where you learned about axolotls, but they’re very interesting animals, and it was fun to read about them with you.

You dived right into the Halloween festivities. I was planning on having you draw a design on your pumpkin and I would carve it, but you insisted on wielding the knife yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that you’re not a baby, that you’re a smart and capable kid who is able to do a lot of things. I was talking to your dad about this: with each of the older kids, there was always an actual baby around during their little-kid time. It behooved us to encourage their independence, because babies take so much time and energy that having the bigger kids take care of themselves more helped the general family dynamic. With you, there’s no baby who needs our energy, so we don’t have an impetus to push you toward more independence. You are serving as that impetus. You’re pushing boundaries more and working on your skills, and your dad and I have to remind ourselves that it’s good for you to grow. Sometimes that means making mistakes and messes, but there’s not much we can’t clean up. Luckily, the knife stayed mostly in the jack-o-lantern, and we didn’t have to clean up any blood.

For trick-or-treating, you went with a big group that was mostly Tobin’s friends. Your good friend Griffin is the little brother of one of Tobin’s friends, so it worked out well for you to start off with the whole gang. The bigger kids broke off and took their own trick-or-treating path, and you and Griffin (accompanied by a couple of parents) hit the neighborhood. It was a chilly night, pretty much the coldest night we’ve had so far in this warm fall. You had to put extra layers under your costume, and I think your hands still got cold, but overall it was a success. You chose to be Link from the Legend of Zelda video game series, and I had a fun time putting your costume together. You were happy with how it turned out, and you got a whole lot of candy. I don’t think you’ve even finished it yet, weeks later.

Health-wise, things seem to be going pretty well. One thing I’ve noticed is that your energy has been very high. This year, you run and jump and dance all the way home from school almost every day. This is new; last year I don’t remember you doing anything besides a mid-paced walk. You may be having a little bit of trouble from the iron supplement you added a couple of months ago. I plan to talk to your doctor about that at your appointment next month. I don’t know what the clinical definition of remission is for Crohn’s disease; no one has said that word to us yet, and I don’t know exactly how they’ll determine it. Your last set of labs were good, except for being a bit low on iron, which is why you started taking the iron supplements. It’s very good that you’re able to swallow pills if they’re smallish, which your iron pills are. The doctor was originally planning to prescribe you a liquid, which rumor has it is nasty. I’ve researched it a fair amount, and it’s hard to even find chewable vitamins with iron that aren’t gross. Luckily, you can slurp that iron pill right down with orange juice and be on your way.

You have to get a lot of shots. Along with your every-other-week Humira, you’ve had to repeat the series of Hepatitis B vaccines because your body didn’t produce antibodies the first time around. Apparently that can happen to some subset of the population anyway, which may be why you didn’t respond to the series you got as a baby. I really hope the series you just completed with get you immunity. You’ve been pretty healthy so far this fall. We’ve had a few colds and other bugs run through the family, but you haven’t seemed to suffer too terribly. I’ve been vigilant about keeping you away from sick family members (Tobin had to sleep in the guest room for a while) and cleaning common surfaces frequently. I hope we can continue to protect your health as we treat your Crohn’s.

Your current favorites: playing in the creek with the neighbor girls, reading, playing video games, meat of most kinds, mini muffins, wearing as little clothing as possible, Manchego cheese, eschewing any babyish words (“Don’t call them jammies”), ELP, watching YouTube, and our bedtime reading routine.

I love you so much, my sweet Callum. I know you’re not a baby anymore, but I’m so glad you’re mine no matter what.

Love,

Mom

Hello, my dear,

I was sorting out some details for our spring break trip, and I had to fill out of form that asked for my kids’ ages at the time of arrival. I had to write nine, twelve, and sixteen. I know you’re not actually there yet, but seeing that number in front of me was a little startling.

You’ve been pretty jovial lately. You don’t give me many details of what goes on in your daily life, but I can only surmise that things are going well. Your grades are stellar; you grumble about band (especially marching band) yet are always in a good mood when I pick you up from a band event. You seem to have friends, though you don’t do a whole lot of socializing, at least in-person. I don’t know if the pandemic messed that up for you or what. Maybe you missed out on the time when a lot of social bonds develop. A lot of people have moved back to in-person social activities, and you do sometimes (like the Halloween band party, discussed below). Most of the time, though, you hang out in your room. I would probably also hang out in my room most of the time if I didn’t have other obligations, but I know from experience that I do better if I pry myself out now and then. I hope you get enough chances to do that.

The last time we discussed it, you did not seem interested in going on the music trip to the UK. I thought it might be something you’d want to do, since you had expressed some interest in it before, but right now you say you just want to go on the Great Clarke-Crall Europe Trip because you don’t have to play music. I can understand why it would be a hassle to haul a trombone through airports, train stations, and European hotel hallways, but it’s too bad you consider playing music a downside. You were invited to play in the Family Folk Machine concert, but you declined. I wonder if music is becoming less enjoyable to you than it used to be.

I don’t feel like I know what your thing is yet. I’m not sure you do either. I was thinking band mind be your thing, because it’s your only extracurricular, but you don’t seem to want to put in the effort required to really excel in band. I’ve tried to encourage you to get involved with other school groups, like theater or Robotics Club, but you’ve never taken the bait. I guess you’re still in a life stage of figuring out where your interests lie, but in the meantime, I wish you’d explore a little more enthusiastically.

You did get involved in a few Halloween activities. You happily carved and accessorized your pumpkin, which turned out pretty cool. You and your fellow trombonists all dressed as CIA agents for the band Halloween party. We couldn’t find a fedora, so you were more of an MI6 type in your bowler hat, but you had the right attitude. On actual Halloween night, you decided to stay home while your little brothers when out trick-or-treating with friends. I did have some teens come to the door, and they got candy from me with no judgment, but I understand the feeling of growing out of it. I did reserve some candy from our bowl for you. We had plenty extra, because it was a crummy night out and not a lot of kids showed up (though more than I was expecting, and Tobin and Callum stayed out decently late too). Just because you feel too old to go trick-or-treating doesn’t mean you feel too old for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Albanese Gummy Bears. I also do not feel too old for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Albanese Gummy Bears.

You’re funny and witty and have a lot of interesting things to say. You usually seem happy enough to hang out with us, and cocktail hour and dinner table conversations get better when you chime in. You hadn’t said much at dinner tonight until I asked you how AP World History was, and you talked about how you were tasked with debating whether the Mongol Empire was a good or bad thing. That got us all talking about the Roman empire, which got Tobin asking questions about ancient Greece and history versus mythology. The whole evening turned out better because of your thoughts and ideas. I’m really glad to have you in my family, and I hope you continue to hone your interests and find areas you can explore further.

Your current favorites: hanging out in your room, playing poker with your siblings and grandparents, wearing comfortable clothing, watching movies on your laptop, pasta, ice cream, Goldfish crackers, lemonade, being silly and goofy (sometimes), and being irritated with how uncool I am (only now and then). You help me with teen slang I wouldn’t have known otherwise, though I’m not sure I will ever get the nuances well enough to satisfy you. Maybe I’m getting closer.

I love you, my dear Artemis. You’re a treasure, and I know you have so much to offer.

Love,

Mom

These are similar to the ones from New Pioneer Co-Op.

Crust:

• 1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
• 1.5 cups brown sugar
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 2.5 cups AP flour
• 3 cups old-fashioned oats
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp table salt

Fudge layer:

• 1 (12 oz) package semi-sweet chocolate chips
• 1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
• 2 T butter
• 1 pinch table salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 F. With a mixer, cream together butter and sugars until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Add eggs and vanilla; mixed until well-combined. In a separate bowl, mix flour, oats, baking soda, and salt. Add to butter mixture in two or three additions and mix on low until uniform.

Prepare a 10″x15″ baking pan with nonstick spray and parchment paper. Press about 2/3 of the dough into the pan, using another sheet of parchment paper to help prevent it from sticking to your hands. Melt the fudge ingredients together in the microwave in 30 second bursts, stirring in between, until smooth and uniform. Pour the fudge layer onto the bottom crust, then crumble the remaining dough on top.

Bake for about 25 minutes or until lightly brown and set. Do not overbake.