My dearest Tobin,

The other day we were chatting, and you told me about how much you enjoy family traditions. We talked about big-deal traditions, like our every-other-year spring break trips, as well as smaller-stakes traditions like mini-vacations, cocktail hour on Saturdays, and take-out on Sundays. On an even-smaller scale, you cherish regular check-points. Every night before bed, we run through a routine in which you say (really fast, now, because it’s a firmly-ingrained habit) “Good night. I love you so, so much. You’re a great mom. Do you promise never to leave me?” I reply, “Yes,” and then you say, “What do you wish for?” I often have a hard time coming up with ideas for a wish, because I’ve usually just woken up from snoozing in Callum’s bed. Unless there’s something particular on my mind, I mumble about hoping for a good night’s sleep. You always have a list: for good weather for playing outside, for a good school day, for everyone to stay healthy, and for Krysty to get better. Krysty is a young friend from Family Folk Machine. She’s been fighting a serious bone cancer, and I’m thrilled to report that she has finished her chemotherapy and is doing a lot better. She has a titanium femur to replace the one destroyed by cancer, and she’s getting more and more mobility. She even came to Family Folk Machine last week and, in my opinion, looked good. Her mom said she’s doing well and really excited to jump back into her regular activities.

I don’t believe that wishing for Krysty’s healing has a specific or direct impact on her. We did our best to support Krysty and her family emotionally and financially in concrete ways. I do, however, believe that wishing for Krysty’s healing has a specific and direct impact on you, Tobin. It’s normal and expected for kids to be self-centered. Part of human development is going through the stage where your own perspective is the only one you can see. But knowing that you were thinking of another person every single night, wishing the best for her, shows me the kind of heart you have. Exercising compassion like that will help wear high-quality grooves into your thought and behavior patterns.

You’re eleven now, a full-fledged big kid and a fifth-grader. Now that school has started again, you’re getting a routine established and thriving in the company of so many friends. You had a fun summer with lots of hangout time with your best friend Kit and his sister, but it’s also good for you to be surrounded by other people from different backgrounds with different ideas and experiences. You’ll be starting soccer in a week or two. Even though most kids who play soccer have been doing it for years, you dropped it in favor of other sports after you finished the preschool league. But you wanted to do a fall sport, and quite a few of your friends play soccer, so you asked to sign up. I admire your willingness to give something a try even though it will be new to you. You’re brave and quick to find the fun in any situation.

We celebrated your birthday with a family party over the weekend. Of course we continued our family tradition of decorating the chandelier with balloons and a sparkly number eleven. You opened presents, drank a fancy juice and Sprite cocktail, had your favorite stir-fry for dinner, ate cake, and tried out your basketball and video game gifts. You chose a cake that was new to our family: pumpkin bars that were layered into cake form with lots of cream cheese frosting. It was quite a hit. Cake leftovers usually linger around our refrigerator for a long time, but this cake got fully demolished in just a couple of days. I can see that being another family member’s request before your next birthday rolls around.

On Sunday, your true birthday, we skipped our usual takeout and instead ate on the patio at Jimmy Jack’s. That restaurant is a family favorite in part due to their excellent fries, which aren’t quite so excellent after a ride home in the car in a paper bag. The ones we had on Sunday were hot, fresh, crispy, and perfect. You even got a fountain drink, which we normally don’t get, because it was your birthday after all. We’ll celebrate next weekend with some trampoline-jumping and pizza with friends.

Tobin, you are a person who really cares about others. When school lets out, you usually make it to our meeting point before Callum. You watch for him so intently, peeking into the door and announcing his arrival long before I catch a glimpse of him. When he comes out, you give him a big hug. You confessed to me that you were worried about how school would go for him, since he did online school the last two years. You were concerned that he’d be nervous or have trouble making friends. As soon as he comes out, you want to hear everything about his day. I was a little nervous about his transition to school life as well, but it makes me feel so much better knowing you’re there with him. Even if you don’t see each other in the halls much, I’m sure he is happy to know you’re there too.

As we walk away from school every day, kid after kid shouts your name to say goodbye. I know you’re the kind of person who doesn’t have to work hard to make friends, that it comes easily and naturally to you. That makes it all the more meaningful that you show such caring to Callum, brand new in school, and Krysty, with her brand new femur.

Your current favorites: the new Spy School book that hasn’t arrived yet (I pre-ordered it for you as a birthday gift, and you’re awaiting its arrival with great anticipation), wearing the same three grey t-shirts over and over again, laughing and talking and having opinions about everything (especially if your opinion is different from your siblings’), and soaking up all the energy and stimulation the world has to offer. I don’t always understand how you work, Tobin, but I always love and admire you.

You’re a bright light, my effervescent pup. I’m so happy you shine on me.

Love,

Mom

Dear Callum,

As we close out the month of August, I’m trying to prepare myself to send you to school in a little over a week. For the last two-plus years, you’ve been doing school online. It started out being due to COVID concerns, and we had planned to send you back after you were vaccinated. That would have meant switching mid-year, and you were having such a good experience with your online teacher that we decided to keep you in the online class until your first grade year was done. Now, second grade is looming, and you’ll be heading to the neighborhood elementary school. You’ve been there before–plenty of times you went along to your brothers’ events, and you attended preschool in that building for most of the year when you were four. But it’s been a while, and it will be interesting to see how you adjust to a traditional classroom situation. Both the second grade teachers at your school are well-experienced, so I’m confident that you’ll be in good hands. Still, it’s hard to let go after I’ve spent so much time with you over the last couple of years. I’ve really enjoyed watching you learn and grow, and I thank you for the privilege of being along for the ride.

I had a conversation with a doctor friend recently, and she recommended that we get you and Tobin the booster that’s currently available to your age group. We keep hearing rumors about a new vaccine that targets the omicron variant, which is what’s currently dominant, but we have very few specifics. We don’t know exactly when it will be available; President Biden is pushing for a September release, but last I heard, Pfizer and Moderna weren’t certain they could meet that deadline. Even if it is released then, we don’t know for sure whether kids in your age group will be eligible or if you’ll have to wait. For that reason, we went ahead with the existing vaccine. It doesn’t do a lot to prevent symptomatic COVID, but it will give you some extra protection against severe disease. A life without stuffy noses is an unrealistic hope, so we’re using the tools we have while trying to keep a reasonable balance of caution and life experiences.

A major development in our household entertainment situation was the acquisition of an Oculus Quest II virtual reality system. You and your siblings had been wanting that for a long time, and you had enough of your own money saved to buy one. Your dad took a lot of convincing—apparently a lot of people buy them, enjoy them for a short time, and then lose interest in them. You kids and your dad have been reading a book together about financial literacy, and the three kids used the facts you learned from that book to create a persuasive presentation. Your dad was very impressed, and in the end you prevailed. Best of all, you found a good deal on a gently used one, so it wasn’t even as big a monetary hit as you’d planned.

I’d been in favor of you guys getting one for a long time, mostly because I really wanted to do the Ocean Rift underwater experience. It’s extremely cool, and I think we’ve used it every day since you’ve gotten it. That may go down once school starts and you don’t have as many flexible hours in your day, but it’s been a fun way to spend some spare time as summer winds down. The other day I was virtually swimming with manatees, and a baby manatee came and swam with me. A bit later, your dad asked, “Where’s Callum?” I replied, “I don’t know. Upstairs I guess.” Your dad thought you were downstairs with me because apparently I talk to baby manatees the same way I talk to you. They, like you, are very cute.

I don’t know if it’s because you’re the youngest or because of how you’ve been with me more due to online school the last couple of years, but it seems like you’ve had an extra long little-boyhood. I’m sure we’ll be in for a big transition soon, as you gather independence and try out new big-kid skills. I admit I’ve been relishing your sweetness, because a kid’s interest in cuddling and complimenting his mother naturally fades as he matures. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have of that with you, so I will squeeze it up as long as I can. I’m beginning to see signs of transition already. You still like me to stay in your room with you until you fall asleep, but you don’t need it. Last month when you had the COVID false alarm, we all slept in separate rooms, and I was trying to minimize my time in close physical proximity to you. That was when you rose to the occasion and fell asleep without me, and now it’s about fifty-fifty as to whether I sleep in your bed long enough for you to also fall asleep.  A lot of it has to do with how early you got up that morning.

You were very excited to attend a reading for my book earlier this month. While you understood the basic concept of the book publication, I think it became real to you when you saw me read, saw people in the audience, and watched me sign people’s copies. When we got home, you really wanted me to sign a copy for you. You aren’t old enough to read the book yet, but you’ve read the inscription quite a few times. It makes me happy to know that you’re proud of me. Reading has always been a special thing for us to do together—we’ve been through so many Magic Tree House books I’m always surprised when the library has any left we haven’t read. While you can read on your own very well, you still enjoy listening to me read to you. I will be interested to see if you get hooked on any other authors or series this year. Last year you got really into the Mercy Watson series by Kate DiCamillo. Those were lots of fun, but we got through them quickly. She has written many more books, so maybe we can find some others to intrigue you. Or maybe your second grade teacher will have some great suggestions that will send you in a whole new direction.

Your current favorites: playing Beat Saber on the Oculus, granola bars, lemonade with a splash of Kool-Aid, frozen pizza, steak, Minecraft, and The Magic Tree House books. Your face is always messy. You love adventures downtown and playing with other kids, including but not limited to your siblings. I know you’re ready for a big adventure.

It’s going to be quite a year for you, Callum. You’re smart, kind, and excited, and I hope it’s a wonderful one.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Artie,

This month has been busy and wild in a lot of ways, but the biggest item on the list for you was your surgery. I’m sure I’ve written in this space before about the tumor in your  parotid gland, because it’s been on my mind for a while. While we knew going in that it probably wasn’t a serious emergency, it’s still a big deal to have your head cut open. When it was all done, though, everyone was very pleased with the outcome. Pathology gave final confirmation that it was, in fact, a benign pleomorphic adenoma. Additionally, the surgery came with the risk of (usually temporary) facial paralysis, because a major facial nerve runs right through the parotid gland. Fortunately, your surgical team took great care and completed the procedure with no damage to the nerve. That was important with band camp coming up in early August. Even though we knew that any paralysis would likely resolve within a year, I didn’t want you to start high school with a droopy face and lips incapable of pursing into a trombone-playing position. It was a great relief to see you smile with your whole face when you woke up from your sedation.

You were initially scheduled to have the surgery with a pediatric ENT surgeon in the Children’s Hospital, but at your pre-operative appointment, that doctor took a look at you, got a brief history of the situation, and handed you off to another surgeon. This surgeon is more experienced in surgery on adults, but parotid tumors are more common in adults, so it made sense to assign him to your case. We were very happy with Dr. Bayon, not only because he is kind and skilled, but because he personally went to bat to have your operation take place in the adult OR. Apparently that’s not an easy thing to get approved, and it was initially declined. Dr. Bayon wanted an OR support staff who had done this surgery before, which might not be the case in the children’s OR. He had a special face-to-face meeting with the chief of surgery and pled your case, and his request was granted. I don’t know for sure if that’s what made the difference between “mostly successful, but…” and “perfect,” but I’m so happy your outcome was perfect.

A little over a week later, you returned to your favorite summer activity, Filmscene animation camp. While you’re technically past the recommended age for the camp, the lead teacher personally and specifically told you that you could keep coming back as long as you want. I think it would be cool if you could be an assistant teacher or counselor-in-training or something. Callum might be old enough to attend the camp next year, and I know he’d feel more comfortable if you were there too. We’ll have to see what next summer’s schedule looks like and think about it further. I hate to take that away from you, because it’s something so fun and creative, and it’s a special opportunity we have living here. I always enjoy seeing the finished product, and it makes me happy to see you so proud of your work. Due to Covid precautions, each camper was only allowed to bring two guests to the showcase. Callum and I came, and he thought the film was excellent. He also enjoyed the popcorn.

You got lucky in one way, because high school marching band camp ran the same week as Filmscene camp. Freshmen only attend the last couple of practices, but we were expecting you to have to miss some Filmscene in order to attend. As it happened, the weather was ungodly hot that week, so the band teachers chose to move outdoor afternoon rehearsals to the evening. That meant you didn’t have to miss any Filmscene, but it also made for a very long (and still pretty hot) day. The next day, you did most of your work indoors, including a showcase for parents. Your participation as a freshman will be limited, but seeing what the older kids are doing should give you a taste for what your future holds. You had seemed a bit underenthusiastic about band, mostly because none of your good friends were members. However, I saw at the showcase that one of your good friends has re-joined. I really hope he sticks it out, because your high school has a great band program. The teachers seem very dedicated to building a positive community within the band program, and I hope you can find a comfortable place within it and continue your musical growth.

Your current favorites: Beat Saber on the Oculus Quest virtual reality gaming system, ice cream, pasta, Honey Nut Cheerios, root beer, sleeping late, texting with your friends, playing with Callum, and making silly jokes. A recent one: Why does Harry Potter get his potion pot and his friend confused? Because they’re both called Ron (cauldron). I’m glad you like language play, because we got your schedule for the next school year. You’re really taking French. Mon dieu.

I still love you. I always love you.

Love,

Mom

Hey, future Aprille—the next time you can’t find that mint chocolate chip ice cream recipe you like, here it is:

https://www.seriouseats.com/best-mint-chocolate-chip-ice-cream-recipe