3/12/2023

Stuff my people say, recently

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:03 am

3/10/23

I was reminding Callum how much his teacher loves and cares about him (it’s true–Ms. Hill is a gem).
Callum: But not as much as you love me.
Aprille: Well, that’s probably true.
Callum: The only person who can compete with our bond is Dad.
—
2/21/23
Callum’s teacher sent a kind and complimentary email about his work in school today.
Aprille: I’m so proud to be your mom.
Callum: I’m so proud to be your sweet child!
—
2/12/23
Callum: What day is Valentine’s Day?
Aprille: Tuesday is true Valentine’s Day, but we had our family party yesterday, with cookies and cocktail hour and–
Callum: No, I mean what’s the DATE?
Aprille: Oh, February 14.
Callum: Whenever I say day, I mean DATE.
Aprille: I understand.
Callum: It doesn’t seem like you do.
—
2/4/23
Callum had just eaten Doritos and his fingers were covered with cheese powder.
Callum: (wiggling his gross fingers at me) Do you want to shake my hand?
Aprille: No!
Callum: Is it because there’s not ENOUGH Dorito powder?
—
1/28/23
Callum: How would you feel if a wolf broke into our house?
Aprille: I would feel very upset! How would you feel?
Callum: I would feel shocked…and like I had underestimated wolves.
—
1/28/23
“I need to mentally prepare for this.” —Callum, interrupting the dental hygienist who was about to perform the inoffensive task of applying fluoride to his teeth.
—
1/21/23
At family cocktail hour:
Callum: Why do you and Dad get refills and we don’t?
Denny: Are you the same size as Mom and Dad? Did you earn the money for it? Do you get up early to make lunches?
Tobin: Artemis, stop rolling your eyes.
Artemis: It’s muscle memory.
—
1/6/23
Denny: How can you be almost eight?
Callum: Have you ever heard of aging? I’m pretty sure you’ve done it.
—
1/3/23
Callum and I were looking at Dairy Queen’s website for ice cream cakes, as per Art’s birthday request. Callum was surprised by the burgers and chicken strips advertised.
C: What is this, Protein Queen?
—
12/23/22
A: I can’t believe you’re almost 8!
C: 8 isn’t very old.
A: It’s pretty old.
C: I feel like it’s a lot younger than the average adult.
—
12/17/22
“Singing is just gourmet talking.” —Tobin
—
12/12/22
Callum usually takes baths, but tonight he chose to use the downstairs shower, which is stall-style.
C: That’s what I like about this shower. It has all the convenience of a Port-a-Potty.
A: A…Port-a-Potty?
C: Yeah. It’s almost the same shape.
—
12/6/22
Callum: I want three centimeters of yellow lemonade combined with three centimeters of cherry Kool-Aid, so six centimeters altogether, with ice. (Pause.) That sounds like a Starbucks order.
(Note: I almost never get Starbucks, and if I do, it’s just a black drip coffee. I blame the Internet.)
—
11/14/22
After the Family Folk Machine concert yesterday, we were talking about our friends from the group.
Denny: Is Star short for anything?
Aprille: I don’t think so.
Callum: Maybe it’s short for…Starch?
—
10/29/22
Callum was reading aloud to me from a book about dolphins. He told me that a type of shallow diving is called “porpoising.”
A: Do they do it by accident, or do they do it on porpoise?
C: [unamused stare]
A: Oh, you didn’t like my joke?
C: You’re a mom. You can’t make dad jokes.
—
10/26/22
Callum, on the topic of his school guidance counselor’s physique: “He’s a lot taller than he is wide.”

10/24/2022

Funny kid quip catch-up

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:17 am

10/23/22
Callum and I were talking about how plague doctors (his chosen Halloween costume) looked creepy but they were actually helpers.
C: They won’t know if I’m a trick or a treat!

10/19/22
Callum attended a marching band event last night at the high school in which senior musicians were recognized.
C: What are the grades again?
A: Freshman, sophomore, junior, senior.
C: Freshman…sophomore…junior…Seymour.
Little Shop of Horrors really made an impression on him.

9/27/22
I was a parent volunteer with Callum’s class as they saw a ballet, “Penny and the Wolf” (an adaptation of the classic “Peter and the Wolf”).
The character of Grandmother, played by a talented local teen, did an impressive solo. Callum leaned over to me and said, “She’s WAY too athletic to be a grandmother.”

9/25/22
C: Dad and I were playing badminton, and I beat him six games to zero!
A: (jokingly) Wow, he’s terrible at sports.
C: (aghast) Don’t say that! He’s your HUSBAND!

9/18/22
The kids and I got this Venus fly trap at Little Shop of Horrors last night.
C: We should name it Tim. (Pause) or Reginal.
A: Reginald?
C: Reginal.

9/14/22
C: i just realized I haven’t started your book!
A: It’s really more for adults then kids, so it’s okay if you want to wait till you’re older.
C: I’ll be older tomorrow.

9/12/22
Last night we got our traditional Sunday night takeout. Unfortunately, Callum’s fries got left out of the package, and we didn’t notice until we sat down to eat. I gave him my fries, which made him happy. It wasn’t so bad because Denny shared his onion rings with me.
Later, as I was helping him get ready for bed, Callum looked into my eyes and very earnestly said, “Mom, I want to thank you for giving me your French fries. I really appreciated that.”
He can have every French fry I ever get for the rest of my life.

9/3/22
Upon hearing a description of a corn dog:
C: I tasted that with my mind and it DOES sound good!

8/27/22
At bedtime last night:
A: What do you think you want to be for Halloween this year?
C (age 7): A plague doctor.
Okaaaaaay.

6/14/22
Callum asked me if Kentucky Fried Chicken is good.
A: I don’t really remember. I haven’t had it in probably thirty years.
C: Thirty years? I didn’t even know you WERE thirty.
I believe in the dignity and honor of age, but I also believe I’m going to bask in the glow of that comment for a while.

5/17/22
I was in the room while Tobin and Denny were watching the Celtics vs. the Heat.
D: That guy you like with the green hair is out hurt.
A: Good. I feel like he’s Giannis’s enemy. [Giannis is Tobin’s favorite player for the Bucks, who were recently kicked out of the playoffs after losing to the Celtics.]
T: He’s really not.
A: Oh, I know. I just like forming loyalties for no good reason.
D: You’re a sports fan.

5/17/22
C: Do we have any skewers?
A: What kind of skewers?
C: Like for kebabs.
[Callum has made and enjoyed fruit skewers in the past, so it seemed plausible.]
A: I think so. What do you want to do with them?
C: Make a crossbow.

5/11/22
Callum asked me to find the hat he got as part of his baseball uniform, “The one that says Crall hashtag ten inside.”

5/7/22
Callum’s thumbnail that he injured playing baseball is in the process of falling off as his new nail grows in to replace it. It’s kind of gross but not serious. I was trying to reassure him.
A: It’s annoying, but it’s not dangerous.
C: You know what is dangerous?
A: What?
C: Being stabbed by a spear in your sleep.

4/29/22
Callum was working on a school assignment. I came to check on him.
C: I made a good loaf of progress.

4/18/22
Callum’s teacher asked who in the class likes corn.
C: Off the cob is good, but on the cob is where it’s at.

4/16/22
A: I adore you.
C: I adore you more than you adore me.
A: I don’t see how that could be.
C: It could be and it IS be.

4/8/22
[Class hangout is a free-form Zoom when Callum and his classmates can chat.]
A: What did you do in class hangout today?
C: Um…um…
Denny: I heard him showing off a lot of Nerf guns and weapons.
C: That’s why I didn’t tell you.

4/5/22
As we were getting settled to read a bedtime book…
Callum: Eve of the Emperor Penguin, not the macaroni penguin.
A: There’s such a thing as a macaroni penguin?
C: Yes. Google it.
He was right, of course.

3/31/22
Callum: A sting is not as bad as your clothes catching on fire.
A: Well, yes. That’s true.
C: That happened to Quintero once.
That was a memorable New Year’s Eve party, Buffy!

3/15/22
A: Oh, no. Callum got Frosty all over his seatbelt [of the rental car].
C: Let’s not talk about that…just like we don’t talk about Bruno.

2/4/22
Callum: Why do people in weddings kiss mouth-to-mouth so much? That spreads COVID.

2/2/22
Artemis challenged Callum with a riddle.
A: Mary’s mother has four children. They’re named April, May, June, and…?
C: Denny?

1/19/22
Callum: “You can never tell how hungry you are. (pause) I don’t know if that’s a saying or not. (another pause) Sounds good, though.”

1/16/22
Scene: The dinner table. Teen is being sullen and uncommunicative. Ten-Year-Old is being crabby because his first choice for take-out night was unavailable due to low staffing, so he was forced to endure his second-favorite. Adult Woman is annoyed because Teen doesn’t like Ten-Year-Old’s second favorite, so she had to make an additional meal on what is supposed to be her one night off of cooking per week (chose to, technically, but she was still annoyed).
Callum, getting up from his chair and whispering in Adult Woman’s ear:
“I think you are DIVINE.”
So that helped.

1/12/22
C: What’s a leg of lamb?
A: It’s a kind of meat.
C: Does it come from alpacas?

12/15/21
Callum’s thoughts on the topic of exercise:
“I em going to teach you about exercise. You will lift. You will swet. You will flex. You will use a outfit. You will take brakes. It is fun!”

12/10/21
C: My foot hurts, pacifically my left foot.
A: Oh, really? What happened?
C: I feel like I have a scratch on the palm of my foot.

12/4/2021

Stuff My People Say, lately

Filed under: — Aprille @ 10:17 am

December 3, 2021:

“My foot feels like…Sprite.” – Callum, who had apparently been in one position too long.

December 2, 2021:

Callum’s teacher asked them to imagine a place they really love. She said she was imagining the beach, so she drew a picture of sand and waves and sky.
Callum chose Jimmy Jack’s Rib Shack.
—
November 30, 2021:
Tobin found a hair in the ice cream I scooped for him.
A: Sorry about that. I didn’t use any hair products today, so at least it’s clean.
T: And they say other people’s decisions don’t affect your life.
—
November 18, 2021:
Callum was playing with the wand Tobin got at Harry Potter World. Callum is hoping to go one day. I made some vague comment about going at some point in the future.
C: When are we going to go? When I’m in my sevens?
—
November 7, 2021:
A joke from Callum:
C: What kind of jam does a pig like best?
A: What?
C: Chocolate jam.
A: Chocolate jam?
C: Get it? Because chocolate jam looks like mud? And they use mud for sunscreen?
—
November 3, 2021:
“If you have a wedding with Dad and I’m invited, I’m definitely wearing these [high-heeled boots].” (His dad and I have been married for over 16 years.)
—
November 1, 2021:
Callum: What’s your favorite color?
Aprille: Probably aqua blue.
Callum: Like Aquaphor?
We are a dry-skinned people.
—
October 20, 2021:
Callum and I were talking about my life when I was his age, and I mentioned my friend Beth Furr (currently Liza Furr).
C: Beth like Mubby?
A: Yes, it’s the same name, but a different person. Do you remember Nana’s name?
C: I know it starts with /sh/.
A: (giving him a hint for “Cheryl”) Cher…
C: Sheriff!
—
October 14, 2021:
Callum says our state bird is the Eastern Golden Flinch.
—
October 13, 2021:
Callum just described his sense of smell as “long-distance tasting.”
—
September 19, 2021:
On the topic of his brothers’ recent COVID exposures (both have tested negative) –
Callum: It would be the saddest if I got COVID because I feel like I’m the cutest.
—
September 15, 2021:
Callum, immediately upon entering his library Zoom with our beloved Mrs. McCain:
“After school today, we’re going to a very special plant place called Wilson’s, and we’re going to pick apples, BACIFICALLY Honeycrisps.”
—
September 13, 2021:
Callum just referred to his ribs as “the skull of my chest.”
—
September 10, 2021:
I was trying to convince Callum to get out of bed.
C: Right now my legs are kind of…energy-less.
—
September 7, 2021:
I was helping Callum get his materials organized for online art class with Buffy Quintero.
A: Did you know that Ms. Quintero and I used to be roommates? We shared an apartment in college.
C: Really?
A: Yep.
C: Wait, you did COLLEGE?
—

8/28/2021

Stuff my people say, spring-summer 2021

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:22 am
April 16, 2021:
C: Pigs are smart.
A: Yes, they are.
C: Can they, like, golf?
—
April 23, 2021:
Callum: You can’t un-toast toast, because there’s no such thing as an un-toaster.
—
May 5, 2021:
Callum, who has not yet mastered decimal points, watched me take my temperature last night.
“You’re a thousand!”
You’ll be relieved to know I’m back to 981 this morning.
—
May 12, 2021:
“He looks like Harry Potter,” Callum said as he watched John Denver for his music assignment. “Only instead of a wand he has a ukulele.”
—

May 14, 2021:

Callum surprised me by turning up for bedtime in a Spider-Man mask.
A: Oh! I didn’t expect to see Spider-Man.
C: But…did I put on a Spider-Man mask, or did I take OFF a Callum mask?
—
July 5, 2021
Callum just came in and asked to play King’s Quest. He was trying to decide which one to play, IV or VI.
C: We just played VI yesternight.
—
July 10, 2021
Tobin has a short-term job doing pet- and plant-care for friends who are on vacation.
T: Could I do it again and use this job as experience?
A: Absolutely.
T: I’ll put it on my residue.
—
July 25, 2021
We were driving home from picking up Miles and Tobin after they spent a week at my parents’ house. Their grandparents praised them for how kind and polite they were. In our car, they started bickering.
A: Oh, did you use up all your good behavior at Mubby and Skitter’s?
M: They think we’re more polite than we are because they can’t hear very well.
—
August 9, 2021
Callum wanted to open this new bag of Goldfish crackers. He was headed to the desk to get scissors, then he noticed the label on top. He read it, followed the instructions, and successfully opened the bag. As he was pouring some into his bowl, I heard him say,
“‘Tear here.’ Good tip, bag.”
—
August 23, 2021
Callum’s teacher read a story about a person who designed a helicopter.
C: What’s an engineer?
A: Someone who designs and builds things. I bet you’d be a good engineer someday.
C: I basically already am.
—
August 25, 2021
I’ve been really impressed so far with Callum’s teacher for online first grade. She’s organized, confident, uses the technology well, and interacts well with the kids. Tonight I was talking to Callum about how school is going.
A: What do you like the most about Mrs. Davis?
C: I think…her looks. She looks pretty good.
—

4/12/2021

Stuff My People Say, late 2020-early 2021

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:45 pm
April 10, 2021
—
Callum and I were cozy on the couch together this morning, and I was scrolling through YouTube workout videos to figure out which one I wanted to do later.
Callum: I feel…that this is a cuddle moment, not a workout moment.
April 7, 2021
—
“Imagine you exist your entire life without closing your mouth.” -Callum
April 4, 2021
—
Callum is interested in the word “ain’t” but he isn’t very good at it. He wanted to play Wii bowling earlier, and I said we could if his dad wasn’t using the TV.
“If he’s watching basketball, we ain’t cannot gonna do it.”
March 24, 2021
—
Callum is having his first Pop Tart and is telling his teacher about it. He assumes that she, too, is brand new to Pop Tarts.
“It’s this rectangle…and it has frosting and sprinkles on it…and–THIS IS WEIRD–you put it in the TOASTER to make it warm!”
March 16, 2021
—
A joke from Callum:
Q: What do you call an artist that uses cards instead?
A: A CARD-ist.
March 3, 2021
—
I was helping Callum put socks on so we could play outside on this beautiful afternoon. The toe part was a little crooked. Of note: he’s been interested in sarcasm lately and has been asking about it.
C: Oh nooooo! It’s the end of the wooooorld!
A: Ah, that’s sarcasm. It’s when you say something but people can tell by your tone that you mean the opposite.
C: No, it’s called DRAMA.
March 2, 2021
—
Callum, over his bedtime snack Cheerios: “It’s weird how ‘delicious’ means good, because ‘de-‘ means undo.”
February 21, 2021
—
Callum came into our room during the night, so he was with us when we woke up this morning.
C (lifting his head, eyes wide open): Uh…buh?
A: What?
C: I thought you said, “What are some letter sounds?”
Then he told me several more.
February 18, 2021
—
Callum and I usually do his science projects in the afternoon, but we had some extra time this morning, so I opened the assignment to get an idea of what we’d be doing.
Callum disapproved. “I don’t want spoilers, Mom.”
January 20, 2021
—
“Even *I* wouldn’t do that.” —Tobin, who is historically a bit of a sore loser at board games, in a discussion of sportsmanship and grace in light of recent events.
December 18, 2020
—
A: We should make a list of movies we want to watch over break. I’ve been wanting to see Emmet Otter again.
T: Emmet Otter…?
A: Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas?
T: OOOH! The one with all the otters?
December 11, 2020
—
A: I have an SP (Simulated Patient) job today, so don’t worry if you hear me moaning and crying. I’m just pretending.
T: But how will I know if you really need me?
A: I’ll say, “Tobin, help!”
T: But what if your medical student is named Tobin?
He was mostly kidding, but he’s also a sweetie.

11/19/2020

Stuff My People Say update

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:50 pm

November 11, 2020:

Callum made a pair of glasses out of glowsticks and was very excited about them.

Callum: Which do you love more, me or the glasses?
Aprille: You. Which do you love more, me or the glasses?
Callum: Both. I love BOTH more.
—
November 9, 2020
At bedtime:
Aprille: I love you, Miles.
Miles: Okay.
A: Someday you won’t have me and you’ll regret missing all those opportunities to say, “I love you too, Mom.”
Callum (shakily): Won’t…have you?
A (trying to avoid a mortality meltdown): I just mean when he gets married and moves away someday.
C: I don’t think Miles will ever get married.
—
November 5, 2020
The kids and I were talking about famous people we’d like to get to know better.
Aprille: I’d like to have coffee with Michelle Obama.
Miles: I’d have coffee with the Obama daughters. They don’t have to be as careful about what they say.
Callum: NO. Don’t have coffee. It’s TOO HOT!
—
October 17, 2020
Tobin was going through kitchen cabinets as we prepared to make pumpkin bars and he spotted my Instant Pot.
T: Oh, the Under Pressure cooker!
—
October 5, 2020
Scene: the dinner table. Miles and Tobin were making the argument that Miles should get a phone.
T: Miles should get a phone now because then I can get a phone at twelve.
C: I should get a phone at FIVE!
A: I thought you were five-and-a-half.
C: No, I mean at five o’clock!
—
October 3, 2020
Callum and I were making Kool-Aid.
C: It’s weird that it’s called “Tropical Punch” when it doesn’t have any pickles in it.
(Say it out loud.)
—
September 20, 2020
Callum and I were playing soccer at the park. He was goalie. I mostly kicked the ball very gently right to him so he could succeed, interspersed with a few legit scores for verisimilitude.
C: Why are moms so much worse than kids at soccer?
—
August 21, 2020
Tobin opened a birthday card from his Nana that included a generous gift.
A: Wow! Are you going to write her a thank-you note?
T: I’m going to make a card with sparkles and rainbows and CLOCKS.
—
August 4, 2020
C: I saw my butterfly friend but I didn’t hug him.
A: Yeah, we don’t usually hug butterflies, because their wings are so delicate. It would be easy to accidentally hug them too hard.
C: I mean a social distance hug.
—
July 31, 2020
Callum: You know what would be a treasure if you didn’t have any hair?
Aprille: What?
Callum: A wig.
 —
July 30, 2020
Callum, on the topic of his stuffed bunny:
C: He’s four.
A: Oh, so about preschool age? Are you going to teach him, since you’ve already been to preschool so you know what preschoolers need to learn?
C: He’ll need to do a Zoom session.
—
July 28, 2020
Miles and Callum were playing a Nintendo game together.
C: Yoshi was being really durmatic.
M: DURmatic?
C: He was being really drama-ed.
M: Drama-ed?
C: They mean the same thing.
—
July 25, 2020
At dinner, on the topic of corn on the cob:
A: By the end of the season at the Farmers Market, they’re throwing it at you.
C: (in abject horror) Throwing it at you? That’s SO RUDE.
—
July 8, 2020
Tobin has been using DuoLingo to study Spanish this summer. Today he used that knowledge to make a joke:
The raccoon walked up to the pond and said, “Oooh, pescado.” The fish swam away. The raccoon said, “Dang it, I should have said ‘pez.'”
—
June 29, 2020
I was telling the kids about a Simulated Patient job I have tomorrow.
A: I have to pretend I have a bad stomach ache.
C: But really you have a GOOD stomach ache.
—
June 23, 2020
At dinner:
Tobin: The different kinds of flavors are sweet, salty, bitter, savory, and ice cream.
(Tobin has made this joke many times, and we tittered politely.)
Miles: A lot of those start with S.
Callum: Not bitter.
Miles: What does bitter start with?
Callum: Buh…buh…B!
Miles: (joking) No, I think it starts with J.
Aprille: What would it sound like if it started with J?
Callum: Juh…juh…JOE MAMA!
—
June 5, 2020
We were playing Catch Phrase, one of those games where you describe a word and your teammate has to guess it.
Aprille: It’s the bottom part of your leg…and it really hurts when you get kicked there…
Tobin: THE NUTS!
—
May 26, 2020
C: You should not get a walrus because it would break all the pictures and spread glass all over the house and it would be really hard to clean up and that is another idea why you should not get a walrus.
—
May 19, 2020
T: Is it “treadmell” or “treadmill”?
A: Treadmill.
T: Oh. *shrug* Live and learn.
—
May 14, 2020
Callum trotted into the room and plopped onto the couch next to me.
C: I just wanted to say, Mom, lovely heart…can I have a granola bar?
A couple of moments later…
A: Is it good?
C: Magnificent!
—
May 7, 2020
Callum: It’s kind of weird that water puts out fire, but fire melts ice.
—
May 4, 2020
Tobin: I hope [coronavirus] doesn’t last until I’m an adult. It would be hard to have a love life.
—
April 25, 2020
Preschool games in the time of Coronavirus:
Callum and I just finished a round of “This Little Piggy” on his toes, including the roast beef part.
C: Imagine if he got take-out for his family. I guess he could just order it on his computer.
—
April 18, 2020
We were playing Pictionary. Nobody could figure out what Callum had drawn.
C: I’ll give you guys a clue. It’s a room.
D: is it the kitchen?
C; No.
M: Is it my room?
C: No.
T: is it the bathroom?
C: Yes. It has a toilet.
D: A toilet?
C: And not just any toilet. A sneezing toilet! See the sneeze lines?
—
April 11, 2020
You know it’s a special occasion when…
Tobin: I’m going to wear pants for the Zoom meeting.
—
February 25, 2020
Tobin got home from taekwondo.
A: Hi, Tobin. How was taekwondo?
T. Good. In fact, it was particularly good.
A: Why’s that? Good workout? Had fun? Saw your friends?
T: I don’t know. I just said it because…you know. I like saying stuff.
He does, in fact.
—
February 16, 2020
A: I love you.
C: I love you more than six million six thousand Earth planets.
—
February 13, 2020
Callum and I saw two bald eagles soaring over the river today.
C: Do they go everywhere?
A: I think they like to stay near the water so they can eat fish.
C: JUICY fish?
—
February 6, 2020
C: Knock knock.
M: who’s there?
C: Fruit.
M: Fruit who?
C: Fruit hugging.
C: Why do rats like Valentine’s Day?
M: Why?
C: Because they fart on the cake.
Miles made one up too.
M: Why do cameras never wear pants?
A: Why?
M: Because they’re always flashing.
—
January 5, 2020
Tobin and I have been watching old episodes of King of the Hill together lately. Today we saw the one where Hank got a prosthetic with padded inserts to address his Diminished Gluteal Syndrome.
T: If Hank has such a small butt, why did it look normal when he mooned the governor?
I’m so proud that he’s noticing internal inconsistencies regarding the butt size of fictional characters. The great Ann Richards did do a guest spot for the mooning episode, though.
—
December 21, 2019
T: Why is Thomas Edison so spooky when he’s a teacher?
A: Why?
T: Because he’s Mister-E.
—
December 20, 2019
We’ve been having problems with losing things around the house lately. The most recent was Callum’s beloved bottle of hand sanitizer.
A: Why have we been losing so much stuff lately? Is there a gremlin running around stealing things?
C: Where is he? Did you seen him outside?
A: Oh, I’m just kidding. Gremlins aren’t real.
C: Well, that’s a relief.
(We found the hand sanitizer on the shoe cabinet. Still no sign of Denny’s notebook or the kids’ school photos.)
—
December 19, 2019
Callum, on the topic of Tobin: “Why does he never get tired?”
—
November 21, 2019
The boys and I had a chance to meet

Tara Dutcher

‘s new dog, Maxwell, this afternoon.

M: Did you like meeting that dog?
C: Yes.
M: Do you remember his name?
C: Tell me.
M: I’ll give you a clue. It starts with muh, muh, muh.
C: Max!
M: Yes. Do you remember the second part of his name?
C: Maxican?
—
November 21, 2019
T: Hair is dead skin. That’s why it doesn’t hurt when you cut it.
M: It hurts my soul.
—
Novembe 18, 2019
Callum went out for a special breakfast this morning with Denny and Papa. Later, as I was getting him ready for school…
A: Did Daddy brush your teeth this morning?
C: Yes, but don’t ask him.
—

 

11/1/2019

Stuff my people have said lately

Filed under: — Aprille @ 6:54 pm

November 1, 2019

Callum has a cold and complained that his head hurt, so I gave him a dose of ibuprofen right before dinner. He took a bite of his pasta and said:

C: This tastes odd.

We told him it might be because he just took medicine or because his nose is stuffed up. He took a couple more bites and had some water.

C: This tastes even now.

Miles and Callum were playing some video game together and faced a tough opponent.

C: That guy is a poopy-doopy.
M: Most definitively.

Their vocabularies may diverge, but at least they have common interests.

October 30, 2019

T: Mom, I learned about someone in school today and I want to know if you’ve heard of him.
A: Who?
T: King Elvis.

October 29, 2019

C: Can you think of a friend that starts with Fuh-fuh-fuh?
A: Fuh? No.
C: I’ll give you a clue. It’s one of my friends from school.
A: Fuh-fuh-fuh. No, who is it?
C: Logan.

 

9/14/2019

Recent Callumisms

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:14 pm

We had pancakes for dinner, and Miles and Tobin were being predictably rude and silly. Callum does not like to be left out of such shenanigans.

Callum: Hey, that rhymes!
Aprille: What rhymes?
Callum: Pancake and butt.

 

I was trying to entice Callum out of bed this morning by offering him various tasty breakfast options.

A: So which one do you want?
C: I think we should cuddle because you love me so much.

 

8/26/2019

A mutual understanding

Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:43 am
 I found this in my Facebook memories and wanted to archive it.  It’s from August 26, 2017.

Tobin has a garment most people call a bathrobe but he prefers to call a “dressing gown” (thanks to the Famous Five book series).

A: I love how soft and cozy your dressing gown is.

T: I love how you called it a dressing gown. Nobody else does.

A: Your mama knows your heart.

T: I know your eyes AND your heart. (Pause.) And your teeth.

8/13/2019

More stuff the kids have said

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:55 am

4/9/19

I was cuddling Tobin on the couch before school. I had my arms wrapped around him.

T: Your arm smells like Mubby and Skitter’s house.
A: (sniffing and not discerning anything) Really?
T: Yeah, it smells like Joe‘s coffee.
A: Is that different from my coffee?
T: YES.

When I was pregnant with Tobin, I was the sickest out of all my pregnancies, and smells really bothered me. Maybe he’s a super-sniffer and transferred his power to me while he was in there.

3/7/19

C: Can we go to the splash pad?
A: Oh, that would be fun, but it’s too cold out.
C: I meant we would wear our coats.

2/20/19

I was taking Callum into the bathroom to wash his hands for dinner, and he shut the door in my face.

C: I need to shut the door so you don’t annoy me.

2/13/19

Callum was sliding out of his car seat and slipped a little.

A: Are you okay?
C: I hurt my sweet little buttcheek!

1/30/19

A: What’s your favorite movie?
T: Probably that one about the guy who’s part wolf and really good at basketball.

1/12/19

[I don’t even remember what we were talking about, but Denny and I were in the dining room and there may have been a nice 10-year Tempranillo involved.]

A: Hot damn, Crall!

C: (from some other room, in his little voice) Hot damn, Crall! Hot damn, Crall!

Oops.

 

 

8/12/2019

Stuff the kids have said lately

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:33 pm

I haven’t been doing a good job keeping up with these on the blog, but Facebook is ephemeral, so here’s some copy-paste:

 

8/12/19:

Denny: Hey Google, what’s the temperature?
Mrs. Google: …
Denny, with exaggerated enunciation: Hey Google, what’s the temperature?
Mrs. Google: The temperature in Iowa City is 76 degrees.
Callum: Why did you say that so glorious?

8/10/19

Callum was making me “lunch” with his play kitchen.
C: What would you like?
A: Do you have any chef’s specials to recommend?
C: Yes, steak.
A: That sounds good. What kind of steak?
C: Steak…on the cob.

8/9/19

Callum: What’s the planet with the funniest name?
Aprille: Uranus.
C: No, that’s the coldest planet.
A: Oh. So what’s the planet with the funniest name?
C: Herculee.

7/23/19

Miles was being irritating and amusing at the same time (an area in which all my children excel).

Aprille: Miles, while I don’t always appreciate your attitude, I do appreciate your wit.
Tobin: I’m the one who made the big buns joke!

7/23/19

Tobin and Callum were playing a game bopping a balloon around.
T: Are you excited about our Colorado trip?
C: Yes, that’s why I’m bouncing the balloon so hard!

7/17/19

Miles: How old do you think Mom is?
Callum: Eleven long minutes.

6/22/19

“A tail is just a necktie for your butt.” –Miles, quoting Calvin & Hobbes and almost making me an unsafe driver for all the cracking up I was doing while driving.

6/13/19

At bedtime last night, I was reading Callum the book Strongman by Meghan McCarthy, a kid-friendly biography of Charles Atlas. We got to the page where Charles Atlas is shown pulling a 145,00-pound train with a rope.

C: Why did he put on that face?
A: He’s working hard. Do you ever make a funny face when you’re working hard?
C: I don’t lift weights. Look at my arm!

Then he held up his tiny little arm to prove his point.

5/17/19

Callum was eating waffles for breakfast

A: (eyeing him suspiciously)
C: I’m rubbing the syrup OFF my hair.

5/14/19

As the boys were getting ready for baseball last night:

A: Would you like a Claritin before you go out to the ballpark?
M: You gave me one this morning.
A: I did?
M: Yes.
A: I have no memory of that, but I believe you.
T: He’s right. You did. Your coffee hadn’t kicked in yet.

5/12/19

T: What’s he [Denny] doing?
A: He’s making roasted broccoli.
T: By himself?
A: Yes. He’s a big boy now.
T: He was always a big boy.
A: That’s true.
T: A big boy who didn’t know how to cook.

 

 

1/1/2019

What’s your name?

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:12 pm

D: Is your name Cal-exander Hamilton?
C: No. Is your name Alexander Hamil-Daddy?

12/12/2018

Archiving Stuff My People Say

Filed under: — Aprille @ 10:13 am

Originally from December 12, 2013:

A:  Hey Miles, what color birthday hat do you want?  They have red, yellow, green, tan, pink, orange, blue, and white.

M:  (excitedly) Ooooh, tan.

You’ve got to love a kid who gets worked up over earth tones.

12/7/2018

Archiving Stuff my People Say: Winter 2017

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:41 pm

December 26, 2017

Tobin: Miles, if you have skin, and you speak English or Spanish or something like that, you’re human.

December 22, 2017

Aw, Callum.

A: You’re such a good boy.
C: (reaching over and hugging me) YOU’RE such a good boy.

December 17, 2017

Callum is in a very “I do it all by myself” stage, including reciting our bedtime ritual.

A: I love you, my little sweetheart. Night ni—

T: *I* say it. Night night, sleep tight, don’t let bedbugs bite. That’s right!

A: I love you.

T: I love MYSELF.

 

Archiving Stuff my People Say, Spring 2018

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:34 pm

March 28, 2018:

Callum was being sloppy with his frozen yogurt.

A: Please don’t do that. I do laundry almost every day and I don’t like it.
M: Join a nudist colony.

March 16, 2018:

T: The wish I made on a star came true!
A: Oh really? What was your wish?
T: That Mommy would love me forever.
A: Oh, that would have come true no matter what.
T: I should have wished for the foot shower to work.

February 16, 2018

A: You’re awfully handsome, Tobin.
T: I know.
(Pause)
T: Who wouldn’t be handsome in a broccoli shirt?

February 15, 2018

Over breakfast:

D: Does something smell bad?
A: Is it the garbage? Is it residual from last night’s dinner?
D: I don’t think so.
T: Is it your BREATH?

January 12, 2018:

In a conversation about Martin Luther King, Jr. and the still-existing racism in our country, including Trump’s recent racist B.S.:

T: He’s an A-word-hole. And an F-word-hole. Wait, there’s no F-word-hole. Actually, the A-word makes the F-word.

From this I gathered that he thinks the F-word is “fart.” I hope we both learned something today.

January 11, 2018:

Callum got some unspecified minor bonk. “I hurt my… [gesturing vaguely at his side] hippo.”

January 11, 2018:

“Are we just having…rubbish for dinner?” –Tobin, (hopefully) mischaracterizing the mishmash of leftovers and sandwiches we have on nights I can’t manage to cook something specific.

January 1, 2018:

Tobin and I were doing an activity about the five senses, and it prompted me to ask him what his favorite thing to smell is.

His answer: “Mommy’s armpit.”

I’m so honored.

 

Archiving Stuff my People Say (Summer 2018)

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:32 pm

August 28, 2018:

Callum was playing a game and got thwarted by a pop-up.

C: Will you help me close this…ad…itude?

Later:

C: It’s ad-ituding again!

August 27, 2018:

Callum was digging around in his nose.

A: Is it kind of boogery in there?
C: Yes. Can you get it out?

[I make a mostly-feigned attempt.]

A: Sorry, I can’t. Would you like to use a Kleenex and blow your nose?
C: Try your pinkie.

July 19, 2018:

C:  This Pez dispenser has no Pez. Can we fill it with yes Pez?

July 16, 2018:

T: The oldest woman in the world died recently.
M: Who was the oldest man?
T: I don’t have Wikipedia in my head, Miles.

July 10, 2018:

“You piece of… PORK!” –Tobin, insulting Miles as gravely as could muster.

June 26, 2018:

Callum, after accidentally launching a video ad on a game he was playing:

C:  What the heck did I DID?

June 21, 2018:

T: This rain is good for the garden! And the bushes! And the hostages!

.
.
.
(Hostas)

June 19, 2018:

A: Dang it, where did I put my coffee?
C, very tenderly: I can give you hug.

June 6, 2018:

T: Were cars invented in your day, Mom?

 

 

Archiving Stuff my People Say (Fall 2018)

Filed under: — Aprille @ 10:30 am

November 5, 2018:

I was attempting to cuddle and nuzzle Callum.

C: Don’t rub me ’cause I have lots of makeup on.

October 29, 2018:

Before we went grocery shopping, Callum and I both needed to use the bathroom.

A: Do you want to go first, or should I?
C: You go first.
A: Okay.

[I headed in the direction of the bathroom, only to find Callum very mad at me.]

C: I was talking to MYSELF.

October 22, 2018:

Callum and I were discussing who might sleep in our guest room.

C: Mubby and Skitter.
A: Yes, and…?
C: Nana and Papa.
A: Yes, and…?
C: Aunt Shannon.
A: Yes, and…?
C: And whobody else?

October 17, 2018:

Callum was getting started on a painting project, and I mentioned that his brothers would be home soon.

C: So Miles can see my beautiful arting!

October 12, 2018:

I was hemming pants for Denny to wear to a wedding we’re attending tomorrow.

C: Are you working on Daddy’s costume?

September 29, 2018:

[Note to future readers:  we went to the local Oktoberfest event and volunteered with trash management and also stayed to enjoy the festivities]

 Callum, spontaneously recounting the day’s activities:

“I played in a bouncy house and a slide and I got a balloon and a drink and music and garbage!”

September 27, 2018:

T: Can I take a walk around the potato sack?
A: The what?
T: The potato sack.
A: Do you mean the cul-de-sac?
T: No, the potato sack.
A: What’s the potato sack?
T: The same as what you said.

September 24, 2018:
T: I just love making the “puh” noise. It’s so satisfying. Puh, puh, puh.
A: When you were a baby, you loved the “kuh” sound. [Referring to video linked here]
T: Actually, I still find that amusing.

September 19, 2018:
A: What’s that?
C: It’s for Play-Doh.
A: Oh, a Play-Doh thingy.
C: No, an extruder.

September 17, 2018:

Callum and I were watching a cooking video together.

A: What’s your favorite food?
C: Pepperoni pizza!
A: What’s Tobin’s favorite food?
C: Wheat Thins!
A: What’s Miles’s favorite food?
C: Strawberries!
A: What’s Daddy’s favorite food?
C: Chocolate cake!
A: What’s my favorite food?
C: (pausing to consider) Juicy.
A: Juicy?
C: … SUSHI!

September 17, 2018:

Callum made it to the bathroom without waiting too long and dribbling in his underpants, which has been an issue lately.

C: Are you so proud of me?
A: I am!
C: Will you do a dance for me?
A: Uh…sure.

Then I did a dance of honor and celebration as limited by the confines of our small bathroom.

September 11, 2018:

Miles was trying to explain the planets to Callum.

M: They’re big balls that float around in space.

C: I can pick it up?

M: No, they’re much too big and heavy for you to pick up.

C: It goes all the way to the ceiling!
—

 

12/19/2017

The Greatest Love of All

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:04 am

Callum is in a very “I do it all by myself” stage, including reciting our bedtime ritual.

A: I love you, my little sweetheart. Night ni—

T: I say it. Night night, sleep tight, don’t let bedbugs bite. That’s right!

A: I love you.

T: I love MYSELF.

12/2/2017

December 2 is the funniest day

Filed under: — Aprille @ 12:25 pm

I had Tobin-quote gold on my Timehop today from multiple years.  I am aggregating them here.

 

12/2/16:

T, genuinely perplexed:  Who would touch BUNS?

12/2/16:

T:  This pancake is warm, warmer than lava.

A:  What?!  I’m surprised it didn’t melt your plate.

T:  I’m surprised it didn’t kill me.

12/2/15:

T:  What’s the difference between Tuesday and Thursday?

M:  They’re different days of the week.

T:  So they both don’t know karate?

M:  Tobin, exactly what planet are you from?

T:  Earff.

12/2/15:

A:  What did you have for snack today?

T:  Animal crackers.  Other kids had apples.

A:  Why didn’t you have apples?  You like apples.

T:  I don’t like Hoover apples.

A:  Not as good as Honeycrisps, huh?

T:  No.

A:  What do Hoover apples taste like?

T:  Like two monsters stuffed on spikes.

 

8/1/2017

Not in public anyway

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:48 pm

Aprille (pointing at Callum): You’re the cutest.
Callum (pointing at Aprille): You’re the nudist.

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