Dear Tobin,

The word that best sums up your month is friends. You have been hanging out with friends nearly every day recently, often going to your friend Jack’s house after school. He lives near the school, and his house (and the outdoor entertainments, like a basketball hoop and trampoline) have become a popular gathering spot for you and other classmates. When you’re not at Jack’s house, you’re riding your bike around the neighborhood, picking up friends along the way. You go to area parks, the school playground, and sometimes to a convenience store to buy snacks. I’m thinking it’s about time to get you a smart watch or phone so I can keep better track of your whereabouts.

You continue to be a good helper in the kitchen. I appreciate how you often want to contribute to meals (especially pizza and stir fry), and you’ve become more interested in trying new foods, too. We have adopted Sunday evening as our regular night to get take-out, and you’ve been branching out on the menu at some of our usual favorite places.You are a relatively new fan the Spicy Korean Beef Noodles from Noodles & Company, and Beijing Beef from Panda Express. I hope you continue to try new things and find favorites at some non-chain locations, too. It was my turn to choose the restaurant this week due to my recent birthday, and I chose Shakespeare’s. It’s a bar and grill in our neighborhood that a lot of people like, but for some reason it just hasn’t been on our rotation. You enjoyed the wings and onion rings you got from there, and everyone else seemed to like it too. It would be fun to walk there on a nice summer night and eat on the patio.

I’m really looking forward to the summer weather so we can start doing more outdoor family things. Cocktail hour on the balcony is one of our favorites, and it will be nice to get back to that. Also, we generally don’t eat in restaurants indoors, so returning to some of our local joints that have outdoor seating will be great. We’ve gotten pretty accustomed to take-out, but there’s something special about sitting down at a restaurant and getting fresh, hot food put in front of you.

The spring/summer sports season is starting soon, and we’re going to be a busy family. You and Callum talked me into letting you sign up for both baseball and soccer, so we’re going to have very few free evenings. I already warned you that I might not have the strength to attend every game, but I think we’ll be spending a lot of time at the baseball and soccer fields. You said you like playing soccer more but like the social elements of baseball. I think that’s because a lot of your friends also have little brothers who play baseball, so during the younger kids’ games, you and your pals hang around together and eat concession stand snacks. I’m sure it entirely negates the health value of playing sports, but anything that involves hanging out with friends is something you want to do.

You have a favorite outfit these days: one of your two pairs of Adidas sweatpants, your fuzzy hoodie with a couple of layers underneath that emerge as the day warms up, and a fedora. You wore the fedora to a special school “fancy day,” and you’ve worn it quite often since. You get your clothes pretty dirty, and I’ve already patched the knee of one pair of sweatpants. One day last week, both your pairs of Adidas sweatpants were obviously (to me) too dirty to wear. You tried to pull them out of the laundry basket to wear again, but I stopped you, lest your teacher think I’m raising a savage. You were rather grumpy about having to wear a sub-par pair of sweatpants to school, but that was preferable in your mind to jeans. Jeans are torture, according to you. Having observed kids lately, jeans seem to be out of style. Kids wear sweatpants, athletic warm-up pants, or leggings, and that’s about it. I thought jeans of one cut or another would always be around, but I guess that’s not the case.

Your school conference earlier in the month went very well. Both your classroom teacher and your ELP teacher had very good things to say about your academic and social development. You get along well with your classmates most of the time, though your teacher pointed out that sometimes you can be a little verbally harsh. That’s something we’ve noticed at home, too, in your interactions with your siblings. You are thick-skinned; when Artemis or Callum zings you, you usually laugh it off pretty easily. Sometimes you forget that not everyone is so quick to move past slights and insults, and what seems like a fun game to you isn’t always fun for others. We’ve talked about that, and I hope you’re working on it. I know you always feel bad when you end up hurting someone’s feelings.

Mostly, though, you’re a fun guy and a great friend. You’ve really blossomed socially this year. You have a solid friend group of some nice neighborhood kids, and I know you’ll continue to have fun with them over the summer next year as well. Our school district is changing from a K-6 model in the elementary school to K-5, but not until after your sixth grade year. You were very glad to hear that you’d be part of the last sixth grade class at your school. You’re also happy that when you start seventh grade, you won’t be the youngest in the school, because the new crop of sixth graders will be joining the middle school at the same time. I’m sure you could have handled being a sevvie, but I can still understand the appeal of skipping that stage.

Your current favorites: watching Ted Lasso with your dad and all the new swear words you learn from it, which I decided its okay because it’s part of your English heritage); nearly every sport; reading books and listening to audio books by Stuart Gibbs; biking around with your friends; working on your ELP podcast about NBA players; playing chess with anyone who will join you; and hanging out in your office downstairs.

You’re adventurous, fun, and full of energy. You’re a great kid, and you make life spicier every day.

Love,

Mom

Dear Callum,

This month has been busy, crazy, stressful, and weird. You started the month full of excitement, because you were having a great basketball season and you got invited to a friend’s birthday party. Even though you’re still a beginner at basketball, you had wonderful time playing. Your dad was the head coach of your team, and you improved your skills and supported your teammates. It didn’t seem to matter to you much that you didn’t do a lot of basket-making. Your favorite part was dancing and high-fiving your teammates to celebrate successes. It was a lot of fun, and I’m happy that you got to have such a good experience.

School has continued to go excellently for you. We had your spring conference, and your teacher had nothing but glowing things to report. You have blasted past the end-of-year standards in both math and reading. You’re an enthusiastic participant in all class activities and a good friend. I’m so grateful to your wonderful teacher, Ms. Hill. She has done so much to ensure that your year is a positive one. She frequently sends me notes about how well you’re doing and the things that are on your mind. You tend to take on the stresses of your classmates. One time Madeline couldn’t find her earmuffs, and you were quite worried about it. That’s not unusual for you, as you’re very empathetic. We were reading a chapter from our latest Humphrey book at bedtime the other night, and the substitute teacher character was recounting how once, in a different substitute teaching assignment, the students were rude and threw paper at him. You got teary at that thought.

The biggest challenge our family faced this month was Artemis getting COVID. Fortunately, our efforts to contain it worked. It helps that Art is very happy to stay in their room alone all the time anyway, so between that and our other methods, no one else got it. We wore masks in common spaces, kept the windows cracked most of the time, and ran our Corsi-Rosenthal box at full blast for days on end. I don’t know if we could be that effective if you or Tobin were the one testing positive, because you both need a lot more parent interaction than Art does. For the time being, though, we’re under control. It also helped me be a little less fearful of COVID. I still don’t want to get it, and I still recognize that it would probably be a lot more unpleasant for those of us over 40 than it was for Art, but we got through it. Art’s case was very mild, pretty much just some fatigue and congestion.

The biggest issue was the worry over whether you and Tobin could do your activities. You both loved basketball so much, and you were so excited about the birthday party. We burned through our supply of home tests with frequent nose swabs, but nobody besides Artemis ever had a positive. We were extra vigilant with masking, but you still got to do all the fun stuff you hoped to do. Your friend’s birthday party was lots of fun, with pizza, arcade games, and swimming.

You’ve had a few non-COVID health issues lately, with some bathroom trouble and a painful gum (maybe related to an emerging molar) that has resulted in a swollen lymph node. It doesn’t seem to be at a deeply concerning level, though I do have an appointment scheduled with your pediatrician later this month just to make sure you’re under control. We’ve tried removing lactose from your diet with no obvious effect, though maybe we’ll have to be more vigilant about trace amounts of whatever might be bugging you. You’ve been very interested in trying new foods lately, so this seems like a bad time to be limiting your diet. We’re not sure it’s food-related anyway, so I guess we just need to keep an eye on you and see how it goes. Overall, you don’t seem to feel bad. Your spirits are good and you don’t complain about any kind of pain most of the time.

Your current favorites: practicing Spanish on Duolingo, doing math problems on the whiteboard (double-digit subtraction with regrouping is no problem, much less traumatic than the subtraction story problems from last year where you got so concerned about the fish that swam away from its family), granola bars, steak, playing catch with your dad, playing chess with Tobin, Scratch programming with Artemis, and saying funny things. Ms. Hill commented on your immense vocabulary, and that didn’t surprise me a bit. You have a good brain for words, and I’m always interested in the funny and astute things you have to say. See Stuff My People Say for many, many examples.

You’re such a sweet kid with a kind, loving approach to life. Ms. Hill remarked on your “sincere heart,” and I couldn’t agree more. I sincerely love you, my sweet heart.

Love,

Mom

3/10/23

Dear Artie,

This month marked a notable milestone in our family life: our first (known) COVID infection. A couple of Mondays ago, your dad and I both noticed that you seemed extra lethargic. I chalked it up to the usual Monday blahs that can follow staying up too late on Sunday night, but you were still low-energy and had a low appetite on Tuesday. Then, on Wednesday, you had a stuffy nose in the morning, so I had you do a PCR test before I sent you off to school. I was expecting it to come back negative, because you really didn’t seem very sick. However, Mubby and Skitter were planning visit the next day for your band concert and some other family events, so I wanted to be on the safe side.

While we waited for the results to come back, your dad and I went to your school to see the art show. You had two pieces on display that you made in your graphic design class. You’ve really enjoyed that class, and you signed up for advanced graphic design next year. We got to chat with you and your art teacher for a bit at the art show, after which time you took off to participate in a protest against proposed (and now passed) legislation that will undoubtedly be hurtful to LGBTQ+ people in our state. You had my full support to protest, and I was proud when I saw you in some media coverage for the event.

Around 2:00 that afternoon, as you were exercising your rights, your test results came back: positive. I was startled but not truly shocked, as we knew it was probably going to happen at some point. Our fall booster shots have probably waned in effectiveness by now, and though you do mask at school, it’s impossible to mask all the time, especially considering your involvement in band. The fact that you weren’t very sick also eased my mind, at least for you. I was also relieved that we caught your status before Mubby and Skitter came, because they’re at higher risk for serious complications. I was worried for your dad and me, since I know quite a few folks our age who’ve had a rough time with it. Teens and kids usually breeze through it, but especially with your dad’s asthma, I didn’t want to take chances. We all masked in common areas of the house, ran our Corsi-Rosenthal fan filter all the time, and kept the windows cracked for airflow. You retired to your room and stayed there for days, except for brief trips to the bathroom and to accept the tray of food I left in front of your door.

Of course, we had all been hanging out together unmasked during the early days before we knew you had COVID, so we knew our efforts didn’t guarantee success. So far, though, we’ve all tested negative. We’ll probably do one more round of PCR tests next week, mostly because our tests are expiring, but also because it would be nice to have final confirmation that we escaped (for now).

Now, though, we’re considering you no longer infectious, since you’ve had two negative rapid antigen tests. We’ve certainly plowed through our stash of tests. I’m working on replenishing our supply before insurance stops paying for them in May. I also understand that the Test Iowa free PCR testing program is going to end at some point, possibly in December. That will be a bummer, as we’ve relied on that service for accurate and painless tests throughout this whole pandemic.

In any case, it’s wonderful to have you back with the family. I missed you so much that I had to FaceTime with you once during your quarantine. Even though I knew you were right across the hall, it just wasn’t right not to have you at the dinner table. It did give us good evidence that our strategies were effective, though. It helped that you’re a naturally hermity person. It would/will be a lot harder to contain an infection if Tobin or Callum brings it home, since they’re both a lot more inclined to social interaction. I’m glad to be done with it for the time being, though. You said you never even felt bad after the first few days, and even then it wasn’t too much. You said it wasn’t even as unpleasant as a bad cold. I hope that’s the case if and when others in the family get it

Unfortunately, due to your quarantine, you had to miss both your school band concert and a jazz band trip to a music festival in Davenport. Another jazz band trip to Cedar Falls got cancelled earlier in the winter due to a blizzard. All in all, you’ve had fewer musical opportunities than we’d hoped. Still, you did well in your classes this trimester. You got all As and a couple of A+s, along with one B+ borne of failing to turn in a couple of assignments. We’ve talked about how an earned B+ is fine, if you’re doing your best, but just slacking off and not doing the work isn’t cool. I don’t like to nag you about school work, but I want you to build productive study habits and not coast on smarts. Intelligence is valuable, but getting the work done is just as important.

Your current favorites: discussing the show Breaking Bad with me, which you watched a long time ago but I’m just starting; playing Zelda, Breath of the Wild; pasta; cream soda; playing with Callum; bantering with Tobin; and hanging out in your room. You were truly the ideal quarantine patient, never complaining. Sometimes when you weren’t with us at the dinner table, I imagined that you’d gone to college, but that made me even sadder so I stopped going it. I’m so glad you’re back with us now. I really missed you.

The music department at your school leads a trip to Great Britain every spring break, and I could see you wanting to do that at some point down the road (even sooner than college). I’m girding my loins already. I am glad you are learning and growing, but I sure am fond of you. You’ll always have a spot at my table.

Love,

Mom

Salted Caramel Sauce

• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 6 tablespoons butter, cut into pieces, room temperature
• 1 tsp kosher salt
• 1 tsp vanilla

Combine sugar and water in a medium-sized saucepan (bigger than you think). Cook over medium heat, swirling occasionally, until the water has boiled out and the sugar is a nice amber color. Add butter and whisk vigorously until well-combined. Remove from heat and add cream and salt. Whisk to combine. Return to heat and let cook without stirring for about 45 seconds. Remove from heat and allow to cool for a few minutes; add vanilla. Store in a heat-safe container and tightly-covered container for up to a month.