Dear Tobin,

Every night before you go to sleep, we have a little ritual. You tell me what you wish for, ask me what I wish for, and tell me something special about your day. A lot of times by that point I’m pretty groggy, because I’ve usually just woken up after snoozing in Callum’s bed for a while. You, however, always have a lot to say in those moments and want to hear my thoughts too. Sometimes I have a hard time coming up with something in my stupor, so I just say that I wish us all to have a good night’s sleep. Your list is always much longer, often ending on something implausible, like wishing for twenty bags of name-brand chips. Then you’ll turn around and say something sweet, like how much you enjoyed the little Lunar New Year party Callum orchestrated. You’re a goofball and a sweetheart.

Over break, we played a lot of board and card games. You’re becoming a more gracious loser, which is an important skill for you to hone if you’re want to continue to be invited into group games. You start basketball this week, so I hope you can maintain the good sportsmanship you’ve been developing through games of spades, Selfish, Utter Nonsense, and poker. You were originally supposed to be on the same basketball team as a school friend, but his mom got the days mixed up and accidentally signed her son up for a different team. I’m not too worried about it, since you’re likely to know other kids on your team, whether from school or other sports and activities. Plus, even if you don’t, you’re good at making new friends and will surely find your place.

You haven’t had a sport since soccer ended in the fall, so you’re looking forward to getting into basketball again. The deadline is coming up for signing up for spring sports, and you’re trying to decide about soccer versus baseball. You really want to do both, and I trust that you could handle the busy schedule; however, as a person who drives to practices and attends games, I’m not sure I could. Add into the mix the fact that Callum wants to do one or both of those as well and that’s a whole lot sports-momming. I hope you pick soccer, because I find it a lot more palatable as a spectator, but I’m trying not to push my preferences on you too much.

Our holidays were nice and mostly calm. We ended up spending a week in Ames, because Suzy and Joe’s travel plans got delayed due to weather and we didn’t have much else to do. You and Skitter got matching aviator squirrel (sort of flying squirrel, but not exactly) t-shirts to replace the one he gave you when you were a toddler. It was your favorite shirt, but you’ve long since outgrown it, and I’ve been looking for a replacement ever since. It was exciting to find them, and you guys looked cute in your matching shirts.

We went ice skating twice while we were in Ames. It had been a while since you skated, but you got the hang of it pretty well. You were an enthusiastic coach for Callum, who was skating for the first time. You had minimal wipe-outs, and you bounced up from them without much damage to body or spirit. For some reason we don’t often get to the skating rink in Iowa City (technically Coralville, and technically in the Coral Ridge Mall, aka one of my least favorite places in the IC metro, so maybe I just pinpointed the reason). You did such a good job and had so much fun in the rink in Ames, though, that it might be a fun way to spend a free afternoon some time.

You’ve also been really into skateboarding lately. You used some of your Christmas money from Nana to buy a new skateboard, and after a few frustrating sessions and some extensive tweaking of the wheels and trucks, I think we got it rolling effectively. You’ve been gliding around on the path by our house whenever the weather permits, and you’re getting more and more consistent in your ollies. January is not a great time for skateboarding, so you haven’t had a ton of practice opportunities, but I predict that the spring will bring a lot of improvement. You were ill with some unspecified bug right before winter break, and it was alarming to see you lethargic. You slept, both on the couch and in your bed, for most of two days. You’ve fully bounced back now, but a low-energy Tobin is a sad thing to behold. I’m so glad you recovered in time to enjoy the holidays, ice skate, and skateboard.

Your current favorites: family movie nights with popcorn, helping make stir-fry for dinner, skateboarding, granola bars, hanging out with friends, online Minecraft games with friends, helping me plan our summer vacation to Ithaca, and jumping and bouncing and creating a ruckus.

You are a bright and shining person, Tobin, and I’m so happy to be in your life. May all your implausible wishes come true.

Love,

Mom

Dear Callum,

Now, more than a week has passed since your eighth birthday. You’ve surpassed the age your oldest sibling was when you were born, so this is the first time in fifteen years that I haven’t had a kid under eight years old. You’re straddling the line between big kid and little kid. You want to be included in everything your older siblings do, but you also have the self-awareness to leave the room when the T-Rex scene gets a little intense in Jurassic Park. I never would have let our first eight-year-old watch Jurassic Park, but I guess that’s the advantage of being third-born.

Your personality is an interesting one: sometimes you seem timid and tender-hearted, and other times you bash Tobin repeatedly with toy swords. This is why I don’t like to buy you toy swords. You’re getting braver and braver, and all the new opportunities you’re getting through school and activities are helping you branch out. You’ll be starting on your first basketball team next week, and it will be interesting to see how that goes.

The most notable aspect of your development in the last year has been your wit. You are a kid who cracks us up all the time. Almost every day, you come up with some hilarious retort, and the outsized vocabulary that comes out of your 29th percentile body makes you all the funnier. Recently your dad was goofing around with you as he helped you get ready for bed, and he was calling you silly names like “Billy Bob McGillicuddy.” You gave him a slow-burn stare and said, “I don’t think you’re my dad if you don’t know my name.”

I wonder if it’s common for comedians to be later-born kids in their families, because you get plenty of practice honing your zingers during the nightly dinner table conversations with your siblings. I often post your quotes on Facebook, and 0ne of my friends describes you as his “favorite Internet personality.” You also decided to start doing DuoLingo to learn Spanish, and you are so proud of yourself when you surprise me with new word knowledge. The world will have to brace itself to hear your commentary in multiple languages.

You had a fun holiday and birthday season, filled with thousands of treats, presents, and time with family. We ended up spending a whole week in Ames, because bad weather in Minnesota prevented Suzy and Joe from arriving when we they had originally planned. We only had to adjust our schedule slightly, and your dad was able to work remotely while you and your siblings basked in the sugar-laden environment that is Mubby and Skitter’s house. You played a lot of games, went ice skating twice, and prepared a special magic show. You got a magic kit for Christmas at our house, so you and Artemis took advantage of your time off to plan and rehearse an extensive presentation. You guessed a number an audience member (Tobin) chose, magically released knots from a rope, extracted that rope from my ear, and disappeared behind a blanket. You and Art had a lot of fun doing it, and we all were very impressed.

For your birthday, we kept things mostly calm. It fell during winter break this year, which is an awkward time to try to get together with friends, but we had a nice family party. We all went to Defy trampoline park and boing-boing-boinged, and you and Tobin made the special New York style pizza that has become a family favorite. You also got to choose our take-out dinner. Your choice was Z’Mariks, and your selected entrée was cavatappi pasta with tomato sauce. Instead of a cake, you chose a big chocolate chip cookie, and of course I put up balloons and sparkly number eight to commemorate the day.

You’re excited to try all kinds of things, from blowing Skitter’s cornet to the school spelling bee, which will be coming in the spring. I admire your adventurous spirit. The pandemic has limited your opportunities over the last couple of years, but you’re getting more and more chances now to discover new interests. Any time anyone runs an errand or goes anywhere, you want to come along. You haven’t spent much time in the retail space lately, so a recent trip to Walgreens to get batteries for a birthday gift was a big deal for you. You were amazed by the snacks, beverages, and Chapstick.

Your current favorites: meat of all kinds, but especially chicken wings; Manchego cheese; watching YouTube; playing with your school friends; pizza; the Humphrey and Og book series by Betty Birney; working on Spanish and trying out your new words on me; all the special events that happen at school, like pajama days and when your friends sang Happy Birthday to you; and our cuddly, cozy bedtime routine. You like to have your water bottle, whatever stuffed animal you love most at the moment (currently Og the Frog, a birthday gift from Suzy and Joe), and stories. We usually read a chapter from a long book, but you also like to get shorter books from the school library. We recently read one about Wisconsin. You like Wisconsin because we went there on a family trip once and you met a nice donkey.

Callum, you are smart, fun, sweet, and adventurous. You have an interesting perspective, and you often make me think about things in new ways. I love you so much. Eight is great, especially when the eight-year-old is you.

Love,

Mom

My dear Artemis,

A few days ago, we celebrated your fifteenth birthday. It’s getting harder and harder to buy gifts for you, because you’re in that life stage where you’re too old for most toys and too young for household items. You asked for a green screen for video making, and I hope you’re able to come up with some creative uses for it. We had a good time having cocktail hour, your favorite home-cooked dinner (linguine with homemade tomato sauce), and ice cream cake. The next day, we all went to the trampoline park to celebrate both you and Callum. I’m still a little sore, but it was fun for all of us to be boing-boinging together. You beat Tobin at jousting, and his birthday present to you was not throwing a fit about it.

While your grades in school are still excellent, you seem to be in a bit of slump in terms of interests and ambitions. A couple of opportunities have recently come up to audition for arts endeavors, and you haven’t seemed very interested. Your dad and I were prodding you to audition for Wind Ensemble, the highest concert band at your school, and you got rather defensive about it. I tried to frame it with the understanding that it was totally okay not to get in, that there are only two trombone slots available, and auditions are open to all grades in the high school. Your dad and I talked about how the audition process itself is good for growth and how it would show the band directors that you’re someone to consider down the road. You were not interested. You said the music is hard enough in the non-auditioned band and that you didn’t want to do it.

That was a frustrating attitude to encounter, because I want you to challenge yourself and try things that will push you. You have natural musical talent, but so do a lot of other kids at your school, and you’re not going to get far coasting on talent alone. It doesn’t seem like you’ve always been this way. We were talking about the elementary school spelling bee that we’re hoping to revive this spring, and it made me think about how hard you worked to prepare for that in past years. You always went in well-prepared, and while you’re a strong speller naturally, your studying made a clear difference. I was hoping your success in that arena would send the message that you can find fulfillment through challenge and hard work. I get that it’s scary to face difficult tasks and that it’s much easier to just hang out in your room, but I want more for you than that.

Photo by Gary Clarke

The other audition opportunity is for the spring musical. The school is putting on Mamma Mia, and I think it would be great for you to be involved in any capacity. Being in the cast of a play is exciting, but it’s just as important and valuable for community-building to work on sets, costumes, lighting, or any other behind-the-scenes task. You’ve expressed interest in being involved in theater in the past, so I really hope you give this a try. The excuse you gave me when I mentioned that was that you’d never seen Mamma Mia. Well, lo and behold, the movie version is on Hulu. I see a family movie night in our future.

I feel conflicted about how hard to push this topic, because I don’t believe in forcing kids to do or be things that are more about the parents’ identities than their own. On the other hand, I want you to get involved in something beyond the bare minimum. You’re doing jazz band, which is great, but branching out into some other extracurriculars is a great way to explore other interests and build friendships. Since theater seems to be something you enjoy, I hope you will take this challenge.

I am thrilled to update any readers of this blog (hi, close relatives) that your latest scoliosis appointment indicated that your curve is holding steady. Because your pediatrician caught it at only 21 degrees, our great hope was that bracing would prevent the curve from increasing. Growth spurts are a common time when curves worsen, and you’ve certainly gone through a spurt in the last year. Our biggest wish is to avoid surgery, because it’s a pretty major procedure to rearrange a person’s spine. You might not hate lying in bed for three months straight, but you wouldn’t enjoy the pain or the indignity of needing a parent to help you go to the bathroom. Thanks to your diligent brace-wearing, your spine is still firmly in the reasonable category. I hope it stays that way as you continue your growth.

Your current favorites: Minecraft, pasta, Panda Express orange chicken, the music of Quadeca, hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream, board and card games, and highly spirited dinner table conversations. I don’t know how you and Tobin don’t get upset, considering all the verbal sparring you do, but it’s usually only the adults in the room who get annoyed.

You are smart, thoughtful, and use words well. Your teachers comment on your wittiness, and I see evidence of that all the time. I know that when you find your niche, you will do exciting and fulfilling things. I encourage you to use the next year to explore, take risks, and rebound from life’s inevitable setbacks. It is my great honor to be your mom, and I am so happy for all the steps I’ve taken with you. I can’t wait to see your next ones.

Love,

Mom