Dear Tobin,

Springtime is here, and you’re loving it. You’ve been busy with sports most nights, and any out-of-school time you’re not at a game or practice, you’re probably out playing with your friends. Over this school year, you’ve expanded your existing friend group into a nice neighborhood cohort. You often walk home with friends and play after school at someone’s house, or a group of you will bike around. You’ve been lobbying hard to get a phone, and while I don’t love that idea for certain reasons, I also would appreciate the ability to get touch with you or track your location. You’re usually pretty good about checking in at the prescribed time, but the more mobile you get, the more useful it would be to have strong communication channels.

While you’re definitely getting more independent, you’re still sweet. You don’t feel quite right if we don’t do our nightly ritual of an extensive goodnight back-and-forth. You’re appreciative of your advantages and opportunities. We’ve had the chance to attend some theatrical and cultural events lately, and you love doing that sort of thing. Mubby got us the generous gift of tickets to The Lion King, and we had a lot of fun seeing that a couple of weeks ago. We’ve also gone to Artemis’s jazz band showcase and the high school production of Mamma Mia. You’re always eager and excited for experiences like those, even if you have a hard time sitting still.

You are definitely a wiggler. You’re still the kid in our family who is least likely to spend an entire meal seated. You’re high energy and always ready to jump up and do the next thing. After one of the “lab rat” jobs that you do for a little extra cash and to support university research, the researcher indicated that you might have ADHD. While that does track to some extent, at this time I don’t have any interest in seeking a formal diagnosis or treatment. Yes, you’re energetic and have a hard time sitting still, but I don’t feel any need to pathologize those qualities, because they’re not negatively affecting your life. You’re doing great academically, have lots of friends and interests, and don’t seem to be struggling in any major area of life. Your wiggly self is doing just fine. The challenge will be finding a career or other life path that capitalizes on your strengths, rather than forcing you to sit in a cubicle all day. You would almost certainly wear out the spinning function of a desk chair if you had to sit in one all the time.

You attended a sleepover birthday party at a friend’s house last weekend. It’s the first time we’ve let you do an indoor, unmasked group situation since COVID. It wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but you agreed to mask around the house for a few days afterward. You had a blast, were a good sport about masking, and had a negative test a few days later. I know I’m going to need to relax about all this eventually, because I don’t want my own anxieties to create undue limitations on your social life and development. You’re at the age where social relationships are becoming more and more important (including the handful of girls from your grade who keep turning up when you hang out with your friends). I guess at some point I’ll have to concede and accept that we’re going to get COVID. Most people do just fine with it, especially kids, but since it hasn’t hit 4/5 of our family yet, I’m still clinging to the strategies that have worked so far. I hope vaccines continue to improve, because with the federal state of emergency ending, we’re getting less and less data.

I’m someone who wants all the data all the time, and it stresses me out not to have access to daily or weekly local case numbers. Right now my best sources are states that are still reporting (which are most non-Iowa states). I keep an eye on key metro areas: New York, Chicago, St. Louis, and the Quad Cities. That, plus hospital admissions rates, gives me a sense of general trends. At the moment, things don’t look too bad. That plus all the outdoor recreation opportunities summer brings will hopefully give us some good times ahead.

Your elementary band concert is coming up next week. I haven’t heard you play your saxophone much; music doesn’t seem to stir you in a particularly deep way. How I gave birth to such a jock continues to bemuse me, but I appreciate that you continue with saxophone and Family Folk Machine. You’ve taken a break from your bass lessons for the time being due to being so busy with other activities. Music may not be part of your long-term plan, but I’m glad you have some background in it and can know the joy that comes with group musical expression. Maybe it’s the same kind of feeling that you get from group sports. It’s okay if we don’t always like the same things, but I’m glad you’ve given a variety of areas a fair chance. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep you involved in Family Folk Machine, as it’s getting harder and harder to get you there. I see that with a lot of other parents in the group. They join with their kids, and the kids end up pursuing other activities while the parents stick around. You mostly are in it for the social elements. Your good friend Ben is usually around, but he plays fiddle with the band. As we draw closer to the concert, he’s busier doing that and can spend less time goofing around with you.

Fortunately, you have many other friends and many other opportunities to goof around. You want to be wherever there’s action and adventure. That can be exhausting for those of us who try to keep up with you, but I love seeing you thrive.

Photo by Gary Clarke

Your current favorites: helping to cook, riding bikes around the neighborhood with your friends, soccer, baseball, spicy chips, watching shows at night with your dad, onion rings, and trying new foods. You’ve gotten excited lately about the Spicy Korean Beef Noodles from Noodles & Company and the Beijing Beef from Panda Express. You’ve always been a fan of Asian (and Asian-inspired) foods, and it’s fun to see you branch out.

You even like soft-sculpture pizza.

Have a good month, my funny pup. I love you so much. Wear sunscreen, please.

Love,

Mom

Dear Callum,

This has been a month of manageable-but-annoying health challenges for you. For quite a while now, you’ve been complaining of pain in your gums when your dad brushes your teeth. You also fairly frequently have a swollen lymph node on that side of your neck. It ebbs and flows, sometimes better and sometimes worse. I took you to the dentist to see if it was a problem with a tooth, and she assured us that it wasn’t a tooth issue. She did notice a white patch on your gum, so that’s probably the culprit. However, she didn’t offer any advice on how to fix it. We’ve tried a few strategies around here, such as switching to a sodium lauryl sulfate-free toothpaste and cutting citrus out of your diet. So far we haven’t found a clear trigger or solution. We have an appointment with your pediatrician on Monday, so hopefully she’ll be able to offer some advice.

Another issue that came up around spring break time was a sore throat. I took you to Urgent Care, where they performed a throat culture and determined that you didn’t have strep. The doctor noted that your throat and tonsils were swollen, though, and all your lymph nodes were enlarged. I asked about the mouth thing, but that kind of got buried under the more pressing issues. You also were having some digestive distress, and we already had an appointment with your pediatrician to discuss that. We got to do the fun activities of taking a stool sample and getting blood drawn, and the lab determined that you don’t have any of the inflammatory markers that would point to Celiac disease or other autoimmune conditions. Everything in your blood work was normal except that your hemoglobin was a bit low. That’s often an indication of low iron. Your doctor was a little puzzled by that, because the other things she would expect to see in an anemic patient weren’t true for you. In any case, we’ve added a multivitamin with iron to your breakfast routine. I also read that iron deficiencies can cause mouth sores. That’s not a slam-dunk answer, but maybe boosting your iron will help your other issues.

Your spring allergies have not yet come on at their full strength, though I know it’s coming any time. We’ve been bracing ourselves and starting you on daily Zyrtec and nightly baths. Your poor little body has so much to manage, I really hope you aren’t too miserable this spring. Last year we mostly kept it under control by keeping you indoors as much as possible, but that doesn’t seem reasonable to do this year. You love school and playing with your friends, and I’m afraid it would be detrimental to force you to stay inside for recess.

We have eyedrops that help a lot, so when things get bad, we’ll start using those every morning before school. We’re really only supposed to use them once a day, but one time you had a terrible attack after already having received a morning dose, and our friend who’s an allergist said we could repeat the dose. My plan is to let your teacher know that we’ll dose you before school, and if you get so uncomfortable that it’s inhibiting your learning or you’re truly miserable, the office can call me and I’ll come give an emergency dose. It’s very helpful now that you’re more receptive to eyedrops, because when you were smaller, I could barely pry your eyelids open to get them into you against your will. Now that you’re better able to handle them, at least we have the “big guns” for the worst moments.

Baseball has started now, and you’re a proud member of the Diamondbacks. You and your dad have been playing more backyard baseball this year, and I understand that you’ve made big strides in your skills. You have the same coach as last year, and he was accustomed to the very beginner-level game you were playing last season. Your dad told me that at practice the other night, your coach noticed the hits you were getting off the pitching machine, and he said, “Callum came to play this year.” I think you were pretty proud of that.

Soccer starts in another week or so, and you’ll be a beginner there. It will be your first time on a soccer team, but watching Tobin’s games last year got you interested. Our family’s schedule is going to be very busy, with you and Tobin playing both soccer and baseball at the same time. Here’s to hoping for a good-weather spring, because I’ve seen a lot of pictures of soccer parents shivering on the sidelines, and I’ve certainly been one of the baseball parents shivering or roasting in the bleachers.

School is continuing to go great for you. You’re wrapping up your second grade year with lots of friends and excellent academics. Your goal is to never get under one hundred percent on a spelling test, and you’re on track to accomplish it. The spelling bee is coming up next month, so we’ll have to put more focus on preparing that list rather than your classroom spelling words, but you’ve always done great on those with minimal home quizzing anyway.

Your current favorites: ice cream cones, baseball, riding your bike, the Humphrey books by Betty G. Birney, talking to your friends at lunch (and not eating much of your lunch), making and playing Scratch programming games with Artemis, playing Switch, and learning Spanish on Duolingo. You’re on a practice streak of 101 days now, and I love it when you try out Spanish phrases on me. You don’t usually understand when I reply to you in Spanish, but at least you’re getting started. You definitely have “Gracias, mi amor” down pat.

Have a good month, my little sweetheart. I hope all your troubles heal up so we can enjoy the lovely springtime.

Love,

Mom

Dear Artie,

Though you don’t have it in hand yet, I expect that you’ll soon have your driver’s permit. You passed the online test, and we have an appointment at the DMV today after school to do that in-person tasks like presenting documents to prove your residency and identity and to take the eye test. It’s good you’re finally getting that done. It works better in our family’s schedule for you to take the driver’s ed session that starts May 1, and you can’t register for that without a permit. The last time I checked, there were still a few seats available in that session, but it’s filling up. It would also be good to have driven a handful of times before the class starts, so your first time behind the wheel isn’t with a judgmental teacher in the passenger seat.

I have no idea if the teacher will actually be judgmental. In fact, one of the reasons we’re going with the driver’s ed outfit we are is that one of the teachers if your former elementary school P.E. teacher, who is a nice guy. I just have some residual stress from my own driver’s ed experience, when the teacher used one of those clicker things people use to train dogs to point out my driving errors. Hopefully your teacher will use techniques designed for humans.

We’ve had some wild fluctuations in weather lately, including a tornado warning, a brief power outage, and some very warm days. It’s been nice having extra outside time, including our first cocktail hour on the balcony of the season. We’re expecting a downshift in temperatures next week, which will hopefully hold allergens at bay a little. You’re the member of the family who suffers least from seasonal allergies, so it’s not too big an issue for you, but it affects everybody’s lifestyle when others (especially Callum) are miserable.

You and Callum continue to have a special bond. You have similar dispositions and enjoy a lot of the same things, like video games and Scratch programming. I love watching you two work together on a programming project. Last weekend, you designed a board game and played it with him. Skitter has remarked many times that you’d be a good teacher, because you’re so patient and generous with Callum. I agree, though you’d probably have to move to another state to have a career that’s more fulfilling than frustrating. I really feel for Iowa teachers right now. They’re being forced into such awful positions in terms of enforcing state laws about LGBTQ+ issues, book banning, and other tantrums coming from the state government and a few whiny parents. I would not choose to be an Iowa teacher at this time in history.

This weekend marks your first jazz band concert. The music department holds an annual event called Jazz Showcase, and they work hard to turn the school cafeteria into more of a jazz club setting. Last year, before you were a participant, we attended, and it was so cool. It was one of the main reasons I really wanted you to try out for jazz band this year. I’ve sat through so many school band concerts, and even the ones at City that are clearly played by talented musicians can get a little boring. The Jazz Showcase is a lot livelier, and I’m excited to watch and listen to you and your bandmates perform. You had to miss your last concert due to having COVID, so this will be your first show in a while. I hope your band concert clothes still fit. Your dad noted recently that he thinks you’re taller than he is now. You have a doctor’s appointment coming up where you’ll get officially measured, so I’ll be interested to see the hard data, but from my perspective it looks like you’ve surpassed your dad. You’ve both surpassed me a long time ago, so it’s difficult to get a good read from down below, but it sure seems like you’re way up there.

The school year is now in its final trimester. You seem to be having a good experience so far. Your dad and I are hoping that you can get a little more actively involved in things next year, though. Right now your only outside activity is jazz band, and you spend a lot of time in front of a screen in your room. You were planning to work on crews for the school musical, but you either never got the message about where to go and what to do, or you didn’t do the necessary work to find out. That’s disappointing, because I know you’d have a good time being involved in a theater production. We’re going to attend the musical next weekend, and maybe that will motivate you to be more proactive next time around.

You have some activities planned for the summer, including driver’s ed, our family vacation, band camp, and Filmscene camp. Relaxation is a fine thing, but I also want you to stay engaged and excited about the world. We live in a community that offers thousands of interesting things to do, and it’s a shame not to take advantage. Plus, with your siblings so busy with sports, it’s nice to have arts activities to attend sometimes. I’m counting on you to give me something to cheer for besides baseball, basketball, and soccer. Of course I don’t mind cheering at those events, but a little variety is good too.

Your current favorites: pasta with homemade tomato sauce, the show Lost, hanging out in your room, Goldfish crackers, Honey Nut Cheerios (or the store-brand equivalent), French language and culture (including cinema), Doritos, sleeping late, and quoting The Simpsons. Your memory is better than mine, so I don’t always catch on, but it’s very satisfying when I can join in on a Simpsons reference with you at the dinner table. “Yes, Lisa. One magical animal.”

I hope the spring and summer bring you renewed energy and enthusiasm for the world. I can’t wait to see you jazzing it up on the stage this weekend. You have a lot of creativity and brightness to offer.

Love,

Mom