Dear Tobin,

Springtime is here, and you’re loving it. You’ve been busy with sports most nights, and any out-of-school time you’re not at a game or practice, you’re probably out playing with your friends. Over this school year, you’ve expanded your existing friend group into a nice neighborhood cohort. You often walk home with friends and play after school at someone’s house, or a group of you will bike around. You’ve been lobbying hard to get a phone, and while I don’t love that idea for certain reasons, I also would appreciate the ability to get touch with you or track your location. You’re usually pretty good about checking in at the prescribed time, but the more mobile you get, the more useful it would be to have strong communication channels.

While you’re definitely getting more independent, you’re still sweet. You don’t feel quite right if we don’t do our nightly ritual of an extensive goodnight back-and-forth. You’re appreciative of your advantages and opportunities. We’ve had the chance to attend some theatrical and cultural events lately, and you love doing that sort of thing. Mubby got us the generous gift of tickets to The Lion King, and we had a lot of fun seeing that a couple of weeks ago. We’ve also gone to Artemis’s jazz band showcase and the high school production of Mamma Mia. You’re always eager and excited for experiences like those, even if you have a hard time sitting still.

You are definitely a wiggler. You’re still the kid in our family who is least likely to spend an entire meal seated. You’re high energy and always ready to jump up and do the next thing. After one of the “lab rat” jobs that you do for a little extra cash and to support university research, the researcher indicated that you might have ADHD. While that does track to some extent, at this time I don’t have any interest in seeking a formal diagnosis or treatment. Yes, you’re energetic and have a hard time sitting still, but I don’t feel any need to pathologize those qualities, because they’re not negatively affecting your life. You’re doing great academically, have lots of friends and interests, and don’t seem to be struggling in any major area of life. Your wiggly self is doing just fine. The challenge will be finding a career or other life path that capitalizes on your strengths, rather than forcing you to sit in a cubicle all day. You would almost certainly wear out the spinning function of a desk chair if you had to sit in one all the time.

You attended a sleepover birthday party at a friend’s house last weekend. It’s the first time we’ve let you do an indoor, unmasked group situation since COVID. It wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but you agreed to mask around the house for a few days afterward. You had a blast, were a good sport about masking, and had a negative test a few days later. I know I’m going to need to relax about all this eventually, because I don’t want my own anxieties to create undue limitations on your social life and development. You’re at the age where social relationships are becoming more and more important (including the handful of girls from your grade who keep turning up when you hang out with your friends). I guess at some point I’ll have to concede and accept that we’re going to get COVID. Most people do just fine with it, especially kids, but since it hasn’t hit 4/5 of our family yet, I’m still clinging to the strategies that have worked so far. I hope vaccines continue to improve, because with the federal state of emergency ending, we’re getting less and less data.

I’m someone who wants all the data all the time, and it stresses me out not to have access to daily or weekly local case numbers. Right now my best sources are states that are still reporting (which are most non-Iowa states). I keep an eye on key metro areas: New York, Chicago, St. Louis, and the Quad Cities. That, plus hospital admissions rates, gives me a sense of general trends. At the moment, things don’t look too bad. That plus all the outdoor recreation opportunities summer brings will hopefully give us some good times ahead.

Your elementary band concert is coming up next week. I haven’t heard you play your saxophone much; music doesn’t seem to stir you in a particularly deep way. How I gave birth to such a jock continues to bemuse me, but I appreciate that you continue with saxophone and Family Folk Machine. You’ve taken a break from your bass lessons for the time being due to being so busy with other activities. Music may not be part of your long-term plan, but I’m glad you have some background in it and can know the joy that comes with group musical expression. Maybe it’s the same kind of feeling that you get from group sports. It’s okay if we don’t always like the same things, but I’m glad you’ve given a variety of areas a fair chance. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep you involved in Family Folk Machine, as it’s getting harder and harder to get you there. I see that with a lot of other parents in the group. They join with their kids, and the kids end up pursuing other activities while the parents stick around. You mostly are in it for the social elements. Your good friend Ben is usually around, but he plays fiddle with the band. As we draw closer to the concert, he’s busier doing that and can spend less time goofing around with you.

Fortunately, you have many other friends and many other opportunities to goof around. You want to be wherever there’s action and adventure. That can be exhausting for those of us who try to keep up with you, but I love seeing you thrive.

Photo by Gary Clarke

Your current favorites: helping to cook, riding bikes around the neighborhood with your friends, soccer, baseball, spicy chips, watching shows at night with your dad, onion rings, and trying new foods. You’ve gotten excited lately about the Spicy Korean Beef Noodles from Noodles & Company and the Beijing Beef from Panda Express. You’ve always been a fan of Asian (and Asian-inspired) foods, and it’s fun to see you branch out.

You even like soft-sculpture pizza.

Have a good month, my funny pup. I love you so much. Wear sunscreen, please.

Love,

Mom