Dear Tobin,

One of the qualities I love most in you is how you’re always ready and willing to help. Whenever we ask you to do some extra work, like vacuuming the stairs or shoveling snow, you pitch in without complaint. Your cheerful attitude makes you a pleasure to have around.

Another way you like to help is by pitching in with cooking. I was getting dinner ready a while ago, and you came upstairs and joined me in the kitchen. You asked, “Can I stir the fry?” You did a great job, and I think you took satisfaction in having been part of the process. You played an even bigger role last weekend when we had a family pizza party. You and your dad used to watch a lot of pizza-related shows together, and that got you in the spirit of making homemade pizza. I don’t think you’ve watched any lately, but you must have remembered the techniques your favorite pizzaioli used, because you did it like you’d been doing it every weekend. I was especially impressed with the way you slid the pizza off the pizza peel and onto the stone. I had girded my loins for disaster, but you did it perfectly on the first try.

Tonight, I’m trying a new recipe for potstickers, and I have already invited you to make them with me. I have fond memories of making wontons with my aunt Lily, and I hope I can transfer those decades-old skills into dinner. I also hope you enjoy eating them. While I wouldn’t call you a super adventurous eater, you’re more open than other people in the family, and helping make something is always a good start toward eating it.

Because of the obvious limitations COVID creates, we’ve been doing a lot of hanging out at home and making our own fun. The cooking projects are one branch of that, but we’ve also expanded our weekly family cocktail hours into family parties. Last weekend the main event was the pizza-making, and prior to that Callum suggested WiiU bowling. We hadn’t played that for a while, so it was fun to give it a try. It’s going to be a rude awakening if we ever actually go bowling again, because while video game bowling is fun, it’s a pretty different experience. You’d have to toss that Wii-mote pretty hard to get a sore shoulder, but I guess it’s possible given your levels of enthusiasm. It’s hard to imagine ever feeling comfortable going into a bowling alley again, wearing rented shoes and sticking one’s fingers into the crevices of a bowling ball. Maybe we’ll just be weakings (Wii-klings?) forever.

You actually have been staying reasonably active with your twice-a-week Zoom taekwondo. Sometimes it’s hard to get you enthused about it, since your main motivator for taekwondo was spending time with friends. Still, you always feel good afterward, and you’re a person who needs to wiggle around a lot. I am very grateful to the instructors who are continuing to provide this service out of their own generosity. We originally chose Parks & Rec over a private gym because it was considerably less expensive and we weren’t sure if you’d want to stick with it, but I am really happy with the choice. Not only have you made good friends among the other students, but the teachers are such kind, supportive role models. It’s a group that welcomes people of any gender, race, size, or athletic ability. All that matters is that you try hard and show respect. That’s exactly the kind of message I want you to internalize.

They’re cool with some silliness at appropriate times, too, which is important for a person like you. We have your school conferences coming up soon, and I’m looking forward to hearing from your teacher about how things are going for you. She calls now and then to check in, and from what I’ve gathered, all is well. I barely need to help you at all—in fact, you’re my kid who needs the least support with online learning. You get your stuff done and do well at it. We also found out that your score on a recent standardized test qualified you for ELP, which you were excited to learn. I was very glad that it went so well, because you had some technical difficulties during the online test. True to Tobin form, though, you didn’t let it faze you. You just continued on and kicked some standardized test butt.

Your current favorites: online gaming with your friend Ben, some anime series that you say is so spooky you can only watch one episode at a time, laughing, cozy sweatshirts, and Club crackers. Once the weather is just a little warmer and some of our thirty tons of snow has melted, I know you’re going to want to get outside and see friends, too. This cold winter has been hard for a social person like you, but I’m amazed by how well you’ve done. You mostly get along with your brothers and you almost always have a smile on your face, except when you’re mugging for the camera.

Every night as I give you your goodnight kiss, you run through a whole routine, which includes “Do you promise not to leave me?” (the answer is always yes), and you ask me what I wish for. I have a hard time coming up with an appropriate response in the moment, so I usually just wish for a good night’s sleep. You usually wish for a trip to HuHot. I don’t know when buffets will be back in our dining rotation, if ever, but it’s good to know that your wish doesn’t reflect a lot of angst. You just want some noodles with Khan’s sauce.

You are a joyful and resilient guy, and any room is better with you in it. Thanks for all the laughter and kindness you bring to our family.

Love,

Mom