My dear Miles,

I don’t know if it’s the specific spacing we chose for our kids or just because that’s how human personalities naturally ebb and flow, but it seems like one of you guys is always in a stage where you’re driving me crazy.  This month I am happy to report that it’s not you.  You’re doing very well, and for the most part you’ve been pleasant to have around.  You’re still a sensitive guy—which is kind of weird, because one of your challenge areas is reading other people’s nonverbal signals.  Your dad and I sometimes find ourselves getting angry with you because we’ve asked you many times to do something (say, get dressed for school).  The first couple of times we ask you nicely, but then we start getting frustrated because you seem to feel no sense of urgency.  The next couple of times we ask in a heightened tone, and often you still don’t get the message, which is when we find ourselves angry and yelling.  Neither of us likes to do that at all.  We are not a shouty people.

I’ve gone so far as to explicitly point out to you the nonverbal signal:  “Did you hear when Daddy’s tone changed?”  I hope it sinks in eventually.

But anyway, my point at the beginning of this was that you’ve been in a good stage lately, so I’ll focus on the positive.  Second grade has been going well.  You report working and playing with a variety of friends, and your schoolwork seems to be coming easily.  You continue to love to read, and you need to bring two books to your brother’s soccer practices, because you can blow through one easily before the fifty-minute practice ends.  Of course, if your friend Sitota is there, you’ll run and play with her instead of reading.  I’m happy that you enjoy both.  You have only a tiny glimmer of interest in playing soccer that quickly fades the moment I mention signing you up for a team.  You’re more of a sidelines kind of guy.

Photo by Denny

One area where you’re happy to be a star is in Family Folk Machine.  We helped make a video about composting, Brown Gold, and you were so proud that you’re featured both visually and vocally.  You also got really excited about composting and even listed it among your favorite family activities in a school assignment.  At rehearsal last night, you have your first chance to practice a solo you’ll be doing in our concert.  Technically it’s a trio, but Tobin and I are really just backing you up.  You sang loudly and clearly in front of the whole group, and you knew the words better than I did.

Your piano playing is going well too.  I was just marveling at how good you’ve gotten in only a year of lessons.  Most importantly, you really enjoy it.  I honestly hated piano lessons as a kid.  I enjoyed music and I liked being able to play, but practicing was such a drag, and most of the time I felt like my teacher generally disapproved of my rate of progress.  I don’t know if she actually did or I was just putting too much pressure on myself, but in any case, I don’t want you to feel that way.  Luckily your teacher really seems to get you, and she supports you working at a pace that keeps things low-pressure.  And yet, here you are, one year in and so accomplished.  I think I’m going to take a video of you tonight playing the Super Mario Brothers theme song, because it’s awesome and you’re awesome.  (Update:  here it is.)

The nights have been warm enough that you’ve still been able to get some good playground playing and biking time in, but that won’t last much longer.  Halloween is coming, and you are deeply invested in your costume idea.  You, along with your dad and Tobin, are going to be a band called the Black Bot Boys.  I wanted to be in it too, but you said it was for boys only.  You’re letting me be a roadie.  You’ve written your themesong, which has several verses and a chorus and a separate backing vocals part.  Anyone who asks you for a trick when you’re out trick or treating is going to get more than he or she expected.

A crucial part of the Black Bot Boys is hair styling.  You’ve decided that rock stars comb their hair straight down over their foreheads, because apparently you formed your impression of rock stars based on Justin Beiber in 2007.  We bought you hair gel and colored hair spray to complete the look.  You also have a plan for Tobin’s hair that’s slightly different.  I don’t know what your dad has in store.  I hope he lets you do something exciting.

Well, just as I was finishing this up, you and your dad and brothers came in from the park, and your dad was pretty unhappy with your attitude.  Maybe I wrote too soon.

Parenting is hard, Miles.  Everything that’s new for you as a kid growing up is new for me as a parent, too.  As a firstborn myself, I can commiserate with you.  But that doesn’t make it okay to have a rude attitude toward Tobin or to only think about yourself.  You’re so sensitive, and yet you sometimes seem oblivious to the hurt you cause others.  What am I going to do with you?

Photo by Denny

I’ll love you.  I’ll do my best.  I’ll try to focus on your many strengths and help you improve in your weaker areas.  I’ll be a roadie if I’m not allowed to be in your band.  I’ll shout sometimes even though I hate it, and I’ll try to explain to you how I’m feeling rather than waiting for you to intuit it.  I’ll fall asleep cuddling you, because even though you’re old enough to fall asleep on your own, I can’t imagine that I’m going to look back on my life and wish I’d spent less time cuddling my little boy while he’d still let me.

Love,

Mommy