Dear Tobin,

Do all kids go through a stage where they must point out any tiny inconsistency or inaccuracy in their parents’ behavior?  I know Miles did it, because it was the impetus for the phrase “Thank you, counselor” that we used when he was being pedantic to the point of irritation.  I thought that was just a product of his personality, but lately you’ve been doing it too.  I don’t know what you think it’s going to accomplish when you say things like, “You said you were going to eat a few grapes, and you ate seven, which is more than a few, which is about three.”  Do you think I’m going to high-five you for your attention to detail and vomit up four grapes in your honor?  I’m sure it has something  to do with feeling powerless and searching out ways to have control in the world, but dang it’s annoying.

Photo by Gary Clarke

You probably do it to impress Miles, who usually sides with Team Kid and comes to your defense when your dad and I try to explain the value of thinking holistically and not being hung up on irrelevant details.  I guess if I take my own advice approach the whole situation holistically, I should be happy that you two are building camaraderie, even if it’s against your parents.

Overall, you’re still a cheerful and fun kid.  You’re active and wiggly, but you’ve done a great job maintaining focus in your taekwondo class.  You’ve got your first testing event coming up soon, and as long as you practice your form a few more times, I’m confident you’ll be a yellow belt soon.  That means moving to the advanced class, which will certainly be more intense, but it will also be good for you.  It will mean later nights, because the advanced class starts later and goes longer than the beginners’ class, but you’ve worked really hard, and I’m sure you’ll fit right in.

Our choir is having an open mic party soon, and you decided to write an original song called “Indomitable,” a reference to the “indomitable spirit” tenet of taekwondo.  The gist of the song is that, in the verses, you describe things that are challenging, and in the chorus, you talk about the value of hard work and perseverance to meet those challenges.  I was helping you write some verses, and you were complaining that the ideas I came up with for challenges didn’t accurately describe things that are hard for you.  I then came up with something that is actually difficult for you:  sitting still at the dinner table.  You rejected that idea because it was “too embarrassing.”  I don’t know why that’s too embarrassing to include in a song when anyone who’s ever shared a meal with you has witnessed your inability to eat more than three bites without getting up to do a lap around the dining room, but you didn’t want to write a verse about it.

We have parent-teacher conferences coming up next month, so it will be interesting to see if you have the same issues with sitting still in school.  I know the current popular theory involves leaning into the idea of wiggly children and letting them bounce on balls and do other things while they work.  I’m not sure if your teacher embraces those strategies or not, but she’s well-experienced and probably has good ideas about how to manage her classroom.  I’d suggest letting you bounce on an exercise ball at dinner, but that wouldn’t work very well on soup nights.

Your current favorites:  YouTube videos in which children pull pranks on adults, pepperoni pizza, playing with your friend Kit, playing your new piano piece (which you love, because it’s a simplified version of one Miles is also playing, and it makes you feel very accomplished), and reading nonfiction books about animals.  You’re still obsessed with Harry Potter, and you watch the movies over and over.  Your dad is on the final book of the series in your bedtime reading, so you’ll be all primed for our trip to Universal (aka Harry Potter World) in January.

You’re fun, silly, creative, and smart.  You’re not always patient with Callum, but he adores you, and when you make the effort to be kind to him, he gobbles it up.  You’d rather be a big kid like Miles than dip down to little kid territory, but you’re also very sensitive to the emotions of others.  When I remind you that Callum isn’t trying to torture you but just wants your attention, you do better.  Maybe that’s what’s happening when you call your dad and me out on obnoxious little details—you just want attention (from us and from Miles), and we need to remember that you’re not trying to torture us.

In sum, I get a lot more love from you than torture anyway.  Let’s not dicker over details.

Love,

Mom