Happy birthday, Callum!

I brought you with me to a brief meeting a few days ago, and we mentioned to the person in charge that it was almost your birthday.  When she heard you were going to be four, she lit up and talked about how four was her very favorite age and that she wished her kids could have stayed four forever.  I smiled and nodded.

Your dad has another opinion on the topic of four-year-olds.  As your birthday approached, he was doing a lot of sighing and remembering challenging times with your brothers.  He cited a memory of physically carrying a four-year-old Miles home from the playground, kicking and screaming and snot-flowing (Miles, I assume).  I remember him bemoaning four-year-old Tobin’s turn toward willfulness and rudeness (“He used to be so sweet,” your dad said).  I remember worrying that Miles would never have any friends because he was so unpleasant sometimes.

Photo by Gary Clarke

Well, the good news is that Miles has friends and Tobin is often sweet.  The good news is that phases end and nobody is four forever.  The bad news is that already, not even a week into your fourth year, your dad has already had to drag you, kicking and screaming and snot-flowing, home from the playground.

Four is certainly a time of change for a little person.  I’m not sure what kind of developments are happening in your brain, but they’re major.  It’s a time of great limits-testing, when you deliberately disobey to find out what will happen.  I guess you’re a mini-scientist, creating hypotheses and running experiments to find out how they’ll turn out.  Here’s a data point for your set, dude:  I may be a pretty lenient parent overall.  I don’t yell very much and I’m pretty sympathetic to your complaints.  But when I make a threat, it’s not empty.  You get two “nice asks,” and if you can’t get it together, consequences follow.  A bath ends immediately if you don’t heed my warning to keep all the water inside the tub.  Screen time ends if you can’t keep your drink away from the computer.

One of our biggest challenges right now is that you are very, very clingy to me.  Last night you threw a huge tantrum because I wanted your dad to take you with him to Tobin’s taekwondo class.  Thursday is a very busy day for me, and I really needed a break.  You were NOT into it.  You couldn’t handle the idea of not being right next to me every second.  Your dad and I held firm, though, and off to taekwondo you went.  You survived, though you weren’t very cheerful.  Your brothers and I are going on a trip next week for a few days, and while part of me is fretting about how you’ll handle it, I’m not going to let it spoil our trip.  You will be with your dad and Skitter, both of whom love you and are very capable of meeting your needs.

Lest this get too negative, I should point out some of the cool things you’ve been doing lately.  You had a blast at Tot Time the other day, riding trikes and jumping in the bouncy house.  You love to identify gas stations as we drive past them (“Stop talking!  It’s Kum & Go!”).  I think your favorite birthday present was a custom L&M Mighty Shop (a local gas station and convenience store) water cup that I made for you.  You love anything in a spray bottle.  On a recent trip to Hy-Vee, we only needed a few things, so I let you walk free rather than trapping you in a cart.  As we finished up our shopping and headed toward the check-out, you diverted us down an aisle other than the one I planned to use.  It only took a few steps for me to see why you chose that one:  it was where they shelve the laundry spray.

Photo by Denny

You share your brothers’ obsession with Nerf Blasters, which is not my favorite of your hobbies.  You also enjoy reading stories (especially Peppa Pig and Little Critter), cuddling your stuffed animals, and running any kind of errand with me.  The whole Christmas and birthday season got you really excited about wrapping and unwrapping presents.  Combined with your love of scissors and tape, the wrapping process is one of your new favorite hobbies.  You’ve been wrapping household items, like blocks and decks of cards, and saying they’re presents for you.

We have fun during our days together.  We spend a lot of time cuddled up, playing with your stuffed animals and reading.  The unseasonably warm days we’ve had lately have let us go outside more than usual, and you’ve done some major spraying of Silly String (your number one Christmas and birthday request).  Our polling place is near a really cool playground, and the last couple of times I’ve brought you with me to vote, we’ve extended the adventure into some playground time. I take you almost everywhere I go, which I suppose is where you got your expectation that by my side is your rightful place at all times.

Your current favorites:  pepperoni pizza; weird YouTube videos; your stuffed animals Georgie, Eddie, and Penguie (Pen-gwee?); spraying anything that will spray; long baths; torturing your brothers; and seeking your brothers’ attention and approval in ways that are sometimes constructive and sometimes not.

You’re a handful, my little boy.  You wear me out, but I love your crooked smile and warm, cuddly little body.  I love doing all the things we do together, and since you are most definitely my last baby, I even secretly like how attached you are to me.  I don’t like it all the time, but in a chaotic world, it feels good to be able to solve at least one person’s problems.

May your problems always be so small that leaping into my arms helps.  I may not always be able to lift you, but I’ll always try.

Love,

Mommy