Dear Tobin,

Yesterday evening, you were hanging out with my in my bedroom, and you said, “I’m glad I’m not a typical middle child.” What you meant was that you don’t fit the stereotype of a middle child who gets lost in the shuffle, neither the eldest nor the baby, always having to run interference for someone and rarely getting the parents’ full attention. I don’t know how accurate that portrayal is, because I didn’t grow up in a family that had a middle child, but I can say that it would be difficult to lose you in any shuffle. Your high energy, boisterous laugh, and knack for adding zest to any situation make you unignorable.

Photo by Gary Clarke

This morning I was asking you how online school is going. Unlike Callum, you need almost no help managing your Zoom sessions or keeping up with your assignments. You’ve also added ELP into the mix, as well as a complex after-school schedule that’s a blend of online gaming and outdoor play with your neighborhood best friend. Because you’re so good at keeping yourself organized, I have to remember to check in with you. Today, I asked you whether you’ve gotten to know the kids in your online class. Last year, it was mostly made up of people you already knew from your normal elementary school. Things changed this year, and now it’s a blend of kids from all over the district. You said you’ve become friends with some of your classmates and have Google Hangouts with them.

Nevertheless, you hope to return to in-person school at the beginning of second trimester, which is right before Thanksgiving. I can’t make any promises in that area, but Pfizer has indicated that they’ve found dosage for kids ages five through twelve that’s both safe and effective. Now the FDA has to review those findings, but as soon as the vaccine receives EUA, you can bet we’ll be getting it for you and Callum. We’re cautiously optimistic that it will happen toward the end of October. That means you wouldn’t have full immunity by the time second trimester started, but you’re very conscientious about wearing your mask, so it seems like a reasonable compromise.

I’m so heartened by how well you’ve rolled with the challenges the last year and a half have brought, Tobin. I know the limitations on social interaction are hardest on you than anyone else in the family, and your dad and I have worked to find you ways to meet those needs. You’ve been doing really well in your outdoor taekwondo class, and you’re planning to test for your green belt soon. Usually your dad takes you to that, but a schedule issue required me to the other night. I had a chance to chat a little bit with your teacher. He had glowing things to say about the focus and dedication you display.

You’ve also started bass lessons, and I’ve been really impressed with your determination. You’re hoping to play on one song in our upcoming Family Folk Machine concert, and with that goal in mind, you’ve been practicing and improving a lot. Your teacher is part of the larger Family Folk Machine community, so he understands your purpose and is helping you get there. I’ll be proud to have you plucking away up there with me.

I’ve been dreading the end of the beautiful fall weather because of how much it will limit your access to social activities, but if you can safely attend school in person, that will go far in filling the void. I’m interested to see how you do re-adapting to a traditional school environment. You’re a wiggly person, and the family joke is that you never sit through a whole meal without jumping out of your chair to go do something. You’ve had a fair amount of autonomy doing school online, with the freedom to get up whenever you need to without disrupting the class. That won’t fly in school, so you’ll have to learn to manage your energy in other ways. I’m not worried about you falling behind academically. Our district has done a great job providing both synchronous and asynchronous instruction to students, and schoolwork has never been a big challenge for your anyway. The readjustment for you will be acclimating to the structural expectations of school. I’m not worried that you won’t be able to do it. I have great confidence in you. I just anticipate a bit of a transition period when you need to run a few laps around the house when you get home every day.

Your current favorites: biking around the neighborhood with the Screwdrivers, sitting on the porch swing with me, playing bartender for your brothers on family cocktail hour nights, playing Minecraft with your friends, and planning dream vacations. You haven’t made a final decision on your eleven-year-old trip, but an RV rental and road tripping are on the short list. We’re also optimistically planning for our Florida Keys trip this spring, and you’re looking forward to the dolphin swim we had planned for last time but chose to skip given the emerging COVID situation. Once you’re fully-vaccinated, which you surely will be by spring, we’ll be able to open up our options a lot.

Photo by Gary Clarke

It will probably take some years and mental distance before you’re able to do meaningful reflection on world events and their effect on your life. When that time comes, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. You always have thoughts, and you’re always interested in sharing them, and that’s one more reason you’re unignorable. Besides, I wouldn’t want to ignore you even if I could. You’re way too much fun.

Love,

Mom