Dear Tobin,

Second grade has begun, and you’re doing just as well as I could have predicted.  Even though none of your close friends ended up being in your class, you’ve already assembled some new ones, and I think you still spend a lot of recess time with your old best buddies.  You seem to be doing well with your scholastic achievements, and you think you have the best teacher ever.  You already have big plans for the candy bar you are going to earn for writing all the numbers up to 1000.

It’s homecoming week in Iowa City, which means it’s Spirit Week at school.  For Crazy Day, kids were encouraged to have crazy hairstyles, crazy clothes, crazy socks, or any other unusual personal styling.  You chose to have me straighten your hair, because in the context of Tobin, that is a pretty crazy look.  You do look completely different without your signature curls.  I was glad to see that they had returned mostly to normal by the end of the school day.

It’s been very fun and sweet seeing you at the same school as Callum.  You are always so excited to greet him when we meet up at the end of the school day, and his teacher mentioned what a good brother you are.  At a recent assembly, you found a spot next to him and really cared for him.  One of your new best friends in school is the older brother of one of Callum’s classmates, and she said the four of you were a really great little team.  You guys squabble plenty on evenings and weekends, but it’s very reassuring to know that out in the world, you’ve got his back.

Our other fall habits are underway, including our annual trip out to Wilson’s Orchard.  You’re a kid who really enjoys ritual, both large and small.  You’re already talking about our spring trip to the Florida Keys (a large and expensive family tradition), but you’re just as attached to small things like family cocktail hour and bagel dates with your dad.  You recently took an interest in farther-than-our-neighborhood bike rides, so you guys biked downtown once for a trip to Bruegger’s.

You’ve gotten back to taekwondo and piano lessons after a summer break, and you seem to have readjusted to those with no problem.  I think you’re definitely on a development spurt, though.  You’ve been having nightmares or night terrors now and then in recent weeks.  They always happen just an hour or two after you fall asleep, and you’ve even gotten out of bed and started running down the hallway, freaking out all the way.  One time you seemed very sure that you were in danger in your room, and as I tried to calm you down, you kept pulling on my arm to follow you out of your room.  I asked where you were going, and you said, very vehemently, “It doesn’t matter!”  All that mattered to you was to get out of that room.

We’ve talked a lot about how you’re safe and your dad and I will take care of you, and it seemed like it had been helping to bring you with me as I double-check all the locks before you go to sleep.  It didn’t help last night, though.  My guess is that you’re growing and learning a lot right now, and your brain is just having a hard time processing all the changes that are happening within it.  You always tell me in the morning that you don’t remember it, which I guess is good, but it’s made for some frightening nights.  It’s hard for me to get back to sleep when I’m still quivering from the adrenaline rush of being awakened from a dead sleep by my child screaming.

I certainly hope you get over this stage soon.  You’ve always been very empathetic.  Last night Callum was misbehaving and your dad and I both raised our voices at him.  He was predictably upset, but what was more surprising was that you burst into tears too.  “I don’t like it when people get angry!” you said.  You weren’t even the one in trouble.  You’re just so sensitive to discord.  I hope that’s not what triggered your tough night.  I thought we were all back to baseline by bedtime, but things like that do get into a kid’s brain, I imagine.  We don’t raise our voices very much around here, I guess because I always end up feeling just as bad as the person I yelled at.  Maybe you and I have the same heart.

Your current favorites:  Cheerios and milk, listening to audiobooks on the iPad (especially the Spy School series), climbing walls, pepperoni pizza, and generally being hilarious.  As I look back over what I’ve written, it seems more negative than your life really is.  In fact, you are generally a very happy and well-adjusted kid.  As long as we can get through the nights, your days are very bright.

I love you, my wacky wall-walker.  You push boundaries in every way, and living with you is never dull.  Keep your heart sweet and try not to fall off anything very tall.

Love,

Mommy