Happy month-birthday, Miles.

I was just doing the math to figure out how old you actually are, and my pre-calculation approximation was about eleven and a half or eleven and two-thirds.  I was wrong; you only have two months left as an eleven-year-old.  Twelve seems like a big jump, and I guess we only have sixty more days to get used to the idea.  I was looking at possible activities for our Florida Keys trip this spring, thinking about whether Callum qualifies for free admission to any attractions.  It turns out I also need to be thinking about whether you still qualify for kid prices or if we have to start counting you as an adult.

To be clear, you don’t actually have a mustache.  That was part of your English Gentleman Halloween costume, which I thought was pretty inspired.  You got a lot of compliments on it during our Halloween-related events.  You chose to do neighborhood trick-or-treating this year, which might be your last.  Your best friend was supposed to go with our group, most of which was Tobin and his friends, but Jacob bailed on you at the last minute.  You were the oldest in the group, which didn’t seem to bother you, though you didn’t enjoy the unseasonably cold weather.

The thing I worry about most with you is your shyness and unwillingness to take social risks.  You have friends, but unless a situation is perfectly within your comfort zone, you are very reluctant to make any social moves.  At the school Halloween dance party, you stood alone by yourself in the corner most of the time.  Several times different friends tried to engage you and drag you out onto the dance floor, but you refused.  It wasn’t creepy slow-dancing or anything, just kids jumping around, but you didn’t want to give it a try.  I know for a fact I haven’t failed in my role as home dance party instigator, so I guess the issue must just be shyness.  The same thing happened at a recent gathering we attended.  It was an election results watch party, and your friend (the son of the campaign manager) specifically invited you.  I was already planning to go, since the candidate is a family friend and someone whose election I supported, but when your friend said he was going and that you should go too, it seemed like a logical choice.  It was a busy and crowded situation, and you kind of sunk into a corner booth and avoided everyone.  I got busy talking to adults and didn’t focus a lot on drawing you out, but it might not have worked anyway.  Big, loud situations are hard on you.

Maybe it’s not even a problem, and I’m overly pathologizing the situation.  Every time you have school conferences, I ask your teacher about how you work with others and your social development.  Not once has a teacher said you’re struggling in that area, and I’ve often heard that you get along with everyone and that you’re someone the teacher can trust to work even with more challenging classmates.  Some people do better in small groups or one-on-one, and that seems to be your style.  I took you out for a mom-Miles Java House date a while ago, and we had a really nice time.  A quiet coffee shop with hot chocolate, pastries, and many rounds of Bananagrams made for a fun outing.  We got a little wild and loosened the rules of Bananagrams, first allowing for proper nouns (I got “Parton” and you got “Taipei”) and then, shockingly, allowing for swear words.  One thing that made me proud was that you suggested that a certain category should be off the table:  racist, sexist, or homophobic words.  We stuck to the scatological and both got a good giggle out of it.

This has been a month of serious weather shift.  Looking through my pictures from the month, I see evidence of days when we played outside in lightweight clothes.  The forecast for next Wednesday calls for a high of eight.  Eight Fahrenheit.  Unfortunately, the transition happened before your fall Let Me Run 5k, which made for a pretty chilly day out at the track.  Since your dad was the head coach, he had to arrive early, and it’s a good thing you wore heavy layers.  Uncle Mark joined your group, and it’s always fun to spend some time with him.  You did really well in your running this year.  For the first time in my memory, you put some effort into improving your times, and it paid off.  I think you felt the satisfaction of seeing a smaller number at the end of your training runs, and it was even better when you finished the race with a good time.  You still insist that you hate running, but you like other aspects of the experience, like being part of a team and doing the activities intended to build friendship, healthy emotional expression, and teammate support.

Your current favorites:  Minecraft, watching YouTube videos on the topic of Minecraft, playing trombone, pasta, Goldfish crackers, and playing with Callum.  I love how much effort you put into being creative with him.  Last night you were proud to show off a magic trick the two of you perform together.  I won’t spill the details here, because I’m hoping you’ll show it off at Thanksgiving to certain people who may be reading this now.  It might not fool the most sophisticated of audiences, but what I love the most is how proud and excited Callum is to be a part of your act.

You’re going to turn out just fine, my dear.  I hope moving to a big new school isn’t too tough next year, but I guess I still have months and months to fret about that.  In the meantime, I’ll fret for two more months about your upcoming twelfth birthday.  We will probably be in a different house when we celebrate that, due to the confluence of our home renovation project and a house-sitting opportunity for friends.  We’ll have to make sure to maintain birthday traditions as well as we can to keep things consistent for you.

But really, it’s okay to grow and change.  We can’t just keep playing Bananagrams with non-swear words forever, can we?

Love,

Mom