AARP for you and for me

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:16 pm

We were grocery shopping today, and Tobin and Callum partook of the cookies that are free to little kids and senior citizens. They also have free bananas available, but for some reason my kids always want cookies (the reason is that they’re not idiots).

T: Are you going to get a cookie?
A: No, they’re just for kids.
T: And old people. (pause) Well, you’re almost forty.

Thank you, Tobin.


I’ve been pork-an on the railroad

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:21 pm

I frequently make a Thai-inspired dish that doesn’t have a name because I made it up, but we refer to it as pork and noodles.  Tonight we were eating Mexican-style carnitas-type pork, and Callum was really enjoying it.

C:  More pork-an-noodles!

D:  It’s not pork and noodles.  It’s just pork.

C:  More pork-an!

He ate several more helpings of pork-an before dinner was out.


Hot stuff

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:04 pm

Tobin and I enjoy listening to “Nearly Impossible Trivia” on the radio while we drive to school. Today’s question: 33% of women say a man wearing this makes him look uncool.

A: What do you think the answer is?
T: A too-hot sweater?


Recent Tobinismos

Filed under: — Aprille @ 12:34 pm

Scene: cocktail hour, the Clarke/Crall home. Denny and I are drinking a Spanish Tempranillo and the kids are drinking their usual lemonade/Sprite/maraschino cherry concoctions.

A: Probably the next trip I take to Europe will be to Spain. I’ll bring you guys.

T: Of course you will. What movie do think we’re playing in, Home Alone?

T: This pancake is warm, warmer than lava.
A: What?! I’m surprised it didn’t melt your plate.
T: I’m surprised it didn’t kill me.

T, genuinely perplexed: Who would touch BUNS?





Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:38 am

Callum accidentally stepped on Tobin’s hand.

A:  Was that red mark already there, or did it happen when Callum stepped on your hand?

T:  I think it just came with my body.


Rhymes with…

Filed under: — Aprille @ 6:01 pm
Tobin was goofing around near a wine display at Walgreen’s and picked up a bottle.
A: Put that down. If you drop it, it will break and that will be a big problem.
T: (muttering) Bam.
A: What?
T: Bam.
A: Oh, okay.
T: Why?
A: I thought you said a rude word.
T: What rude word?
A: I don’t want to say it here.
T: I know what the rude word is. Let me whisper it to you.
(I bent down and put my ear to his mouth)
T: Crap.


The full spectrum

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:27 pm

T: Are you wearing eyeshadow?

A: Yes, I have a little bit of pink on my eyes.

T: Puke?!

A: No, pink. (Jokingly) When people see my eyes, I want them to think, “vomit.”

T: Well, vomit could be any color, depending on what you ate.


Cooking up a plan

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:48 pm

T: I wish Mubby and Skitter lived in Iowa City, right next door to us. Then I could just go over there and say hi.
A: Yeah, that would be fun.
T: Only they would have a different house, and it might not have a balcony. (pause) Or cookie cutters.


A firm opinion

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:19 pm

T:  Can I have more goldfish?
A:  Okay, but you have to let me clean out your ears afterward.
T:  That’s a sturdy trick!  (pause)  What does sturdy mean?


Full of suggestions

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:22 pm

We’re trying to discourage the kids from being sanctimonious tattle-tales.

T: (to Miles) You need to tie your shoes.
A: Yes, he does, but you’re not his dad.
T: Neither are you.


Latin roots

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:39 pm

M:  What’s a Mexican restaurant’s favorite spell?

Everybody else:  What?

M:  Petrificus tortillas.


A lack of education

Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:49 pm

Tobin, Callum and I were sitting at the table having bedtime snack while Miles was in the shower. 

A:  I’m going to go try to get Tobin out of the sh—I mean Miles.  What is wrong with my brain?

T:  Maybe you never went to preschool.



Recent Tobinismos

Filed under: — Aprille @ 5:59 pm

We’ve been talking about the signs of spring. Tobin is getting very excited about it.

T: That tree has buds on it!
A: It sure does. That must mean spring is coming.
T: Those are kind of a private area for trees.
A: Oh?
T: Because it rhymes with (whispering) butts.

The topic of crushes has come up in our house due to the Harry Potter/Cho Chang tension.

Tobin: I have a crush on [redacted].
Aprille: Oh yeah? I have a crush on your dad.
Tobin: You DO? Does he KNOW?

Tobin: Why do we wear green on St. Patrick’s Day?
Denny: Because St. Patrick was from Ireland, and it’s really green there. The Emerald Isle. They say he drove the snakes out of Ireland.
Tobin: (after puzzling for a moment) How did he get them in his car?
Denny: …
Tobin: You said he DROVE them.

We’re waiting on Miles to get moving so we can go out for breakfast.
A: Is Miles up yet?
T: Yes, but I’m sorry to say, only figuratively.


Defying expectations

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:22 pm

Tobin was checking out the Valentine’s Day treats he got at school.

T:  I like Smarties as much as the next kid, but…I love them.


Pluses and minuses

Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:11 pm

I was buckling Tobin into his car seat.

T:  Don’t you just love Callum’s hugs?
A:  I do.  You know who else’s hugs I love?  Yours.

Then I leaned down and gave him a big hug.

T:  You know what I don’t like?
A:  What?
T:  Eating hair.



Filed under: — Aprille @ 4:18 pm

A:  I like your hairstyle, Tobin.

T:  I made it kind of flat.

A:  What did you use, water?

T:  No…

A:  What did you use?

T:  Spit.

A:  …


Process of elimination

Filed under: — Aprille @ 11:33 am

Miles is his class’s “Star of the Week” this week, and all weekend he was so excited to go to school on Monday.  Unfortunately, late Sunday night, I heard the sounds of vomiting coming from the boys’ shared room.  Later, I recounted my thoughts on the topic to the boys.

A:  When I heard it, I thought, “I hope it’s Tobin.”  Not that I want you to be sick, of course.  I never want any of you to be sick.  I just knew how much Miles wanted to go to school.

T:  I hoped it was Miles.


Maury agrees

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:55 am

We dropped Miles off at school, then I did my usual sanity check to make sure things were as they should be.

A: Okay, do I have two kids in the car?

T: Yep, and they’re both yours.


Undeniable truths

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:13 pm

M:  Tobin touched an ornament.

A:  Tobin, don’t touch the ornaments.

M:  Tobin touched an ornament again.

A:  Tobin, don’t touch the ornaments.  Miles, don’t be a tattletale.  Nobody likes a tattletale.

T:  Nobody likes a black mamba in their lunch bag.


Gruesome fruit

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:47 pm

A: What did you have for snack today?
T: Animal crackers. Other kids had apples.
A: Why didn’t you have apples? You like apples.
T: I don’t like Hoover apples.
A: Not as good as Honeycrisps, huh?
T: No.
A: What do Hoover apples taste like?
T: Like two monsters stuffed on spikes.
A: Oh my.

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