The Greatest Love of All

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:04 am

Callum is in a very “I do it all by myself” stage, including reciting our bedtime ritual.

A: I love you, my little sweetheart. Night ni—

T: I say it. Night night, sleep tight, don’t let bedbugs bite. That’s right!

A: I love you.

T: I love MYSELF.


December 2 is the funniest day

Filed under: — Aprille @ 12:25 pm

I had Tobin-quote gold on my Timehop today from multiple years.  I am aggregating them here.



T, genuinely perplexed:  Who would touch BUNS?


T:  This pancake is warm, warmer than lava.

A:  What?!  I’m surprised it didn’t melt your plate.

T:  I’m surprised it didn’t kill me.


T:  What’s the difference between Tuesday and Thursday?

M:  They’re different days of the week.

T:  So they both don’t know karate?

M:  Tobin, exactly what planet are you from?

T:  Earff.


A:  What did you have for snack today?

T:  Animal crackers.  Other kids had apples.

A:  Why didn’t you have apples?  You like apples.

T:  I don’t like Hoover apples.

A:  Not as good as Honeycrisps, huh?

T:  No.

A:  What do Hoover apples taste like?

T:  Like two monsters stuffed on spikes.



Not in public anyway

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:48 pm

Aprille (pointing at Callum): You’re the cutest.
Callum (pointing at Aprille): You’re the nudist.


His true character

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:04 am

Tobin: Don’t put your finger in your mouth.

Denny: My hands are clean. I washed them when I came inside.

Tobin: Riiiiiiiight.

Aprille: Why would he lie about that?

Tobin: You don’t know him as well as me.


Selective deafness

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:30 pm

Callum wanted his juice in a blue cup just like Miles.

A:  Here you go, Callum.  I found a blue cup.  Lucky boy!

T:  It’s just like Miles!

M:  It’s not JUST like mine.  It probably has different fingerprints on it.  And it’s scientifically impossible for it to be exactly the same.

T:  I’m not really listening to you.


AARP for you and for me

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:16 pm

We were grocery shopping today, and Tobin and Callum partook of the cookies that are free to little kids and senior citizens. They also have free bananas available, but for some reason my kids always want cookies (the reason is that they’re not idiots).

T: Are you going to get a cookie?
A: No, they’re just for kids.
T: And old people. (pause) Well, you’re almost forty.

Thank you, Tobin.


I’ve been pork-an on the railroad

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:21 pm

I frequently make a Thai-inspired dish that doesn’t have a name because I made it up, but we refer to it as pork and noodles.  Tonight we were eating Mexican-style carnitas-type pork, and Callum was really enjoying it.

C:  More pork-an-noodles!

D:  It’s not pork and noodles.  It’s just pork.

C:  More pork-an!

He ate several more helpings of pork-an before dinner was out.


Hot stuff

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:04 pm

Tobin and I enjoy listening to “Nearly Impossible Trivia” on the radio while we drive to school. Today’s question: 33% of women say a man wearing this makes him look uncool.

A: What do you think the answer is?
T: A too-hot sweater?


Recent Tobinismos

Filed under: — Aprille @ 12:34 pm

Scene: cocktail hour, the Clarke/Crall home. Denny and I are drinking a Spanish Tempranillo and the kids are drinking their usual lemonade/Sprite/maraschino cherry concoctions.

A: Probably the next trip I take to Europe will be to Spain. I’ll bring you guys.

T: Of course you will. What movie do think we’re playing in, Home Alone?

T: This pancake is warm, warmer than lava.
A: What?! I’m surprised it didn’t melt your plate.
T: I’m surprised it didn’t kill me.

T, genuinely perplexed: Who would touch BUNS?





Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:38 am

Callum accidentally stepped on Tobin’s hand.

A:  Was that red mark already there, or did it happen when Callum stepped on your hand?

T:  I think it just came with my body.


Rhymes with…

Filed under: — Aprille @ 6:01 pm
Tobin was goofing around near a wine display at Walgreen’s and picked up a bottle.
A: Put that down. If you drop it, it will break and that will be a big problem.
T: (muttering) Bam.
A: What?
T: Bam.
A: Oh, okay.
T: Why?
A: I thought you said a rude word.
T: What rude word?
A: I don’t want to say it here.
T: I know what the rude word is. Let me whisper it to you.
(I bent down and put my ear to his mouth)
T: Crap.


The full spectrum

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:27 pm

T: Are you wearing eyeshadow?

A: Yes, I have a little bit of pink on my eyes.

T: Puke?!

A: No, pink. (Jokingly) When people see my eyes, I want them to think, “vomit.”

T: Well, vomit could be any color, depending on what you ate.


Cooking up a plan

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:48 pm

T: I wish Mubby and Skitter lived in Iowa City, right next door to us. Then I could just go over there and say hi.
A: Yeah, that would be fun.
T: Only they would have a different house, and it might not have a balcony. (pause) Or cookie cutters.


A firm opinion

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:19 pm

T:  Can I have more goldfish?
A:  Okay, but you have to let me clean out your ears afterward.
T:  That’s a sturdy trick!  (pause)  What does sturdy mean?


Full of suggestions

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:22 pm

We’re trying to discourage the kids from being sanctimonious tattle-tales.

T: (to Miles) You need to tie your shoes.
A: Yes, he does, but you’re not his dad.
T: Neither are you.


Latin roots

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:39 pm

M:  What’s a Mexican restaurant’s favorite spell?

Everybody else:  What?

M:  Petrificus tortillas.


A lack of education

Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:49 pm

Tobin, Callum and I were sitting at the table having bedtime snack while Miles was in the shower. 

A:  I’m going to go try to get Tobin out of the sh—I mean Miles.  What is wrong with my brain?

T:  Maybe you never went to preschool.



Recent Tobinismos

Filed under: — Aprille @ 5:59 pm

We’ve been talking about the signs of spring. Tobin is getting very excited about it.

T: That tree has buds on it!
A: It sure does. That must mean spring is coming.
T: Those are kind of a private area for trees.
A: Oh?
T: Because it rhymes with (whispering) butts.

The topic of crushes has come up in our house due to the Harry Potter/Cho Chang tension.

Tobin: I have a crush on [redacted].
Aprille: Oh yeah? I have a crush on your dad.
Tobin: You DO? Does he KNOW?

Tobin: Why do we wear green on St. Patrick’s Day?
Denny: Because St. Patrick was from Ireland, and it’s really green there. The Emerald Isle. They say he drove the snakes out of Ireland.
Tobin: (after puzzling for a moment) How did he get them in his car?
Denny: …
Tobin: You said he DROVE them.

We’re waiting on Miles to get moving so we can go out for breakfast.
A: Is Miles up yet?
T: Yes, but I’m sorry to say, only figuratively.


Defying expectations

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:22 pm

Tobin was checking out the Valentine’s Day treats he got at school.

T:  I like Smarties as much as the next kid, but…I love them.


Pluses and minuses

Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:11 pm

I was buckling Tobin into his car seat.

T:  Don’t you just love Callum’s hugs?
A:  I do.  You know who else’s hugs I love?  Yours.

Then I leaned down and gave him a big hug.

T:  You know what I don’t like?
A:  What?
T:  Eating hair.

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