Hot stuff

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:04 pm

Tobin and I enjoy listening to “Nearly Impossible Trivia” on the radio while we drive to school. Today’s question: 33% of women say a man wearing this makes him look uncool.

A: What do you think the answer is?
T: A too-hot sweater?


Recent Tobinismos

Filed under: — Aprille @ 12:34 pm

Scene: cocktail hour, the Clarke/Crall home. Denny and I are drinking a Spanish Tempranillo and the kids are drinking their usual lemonade/Sprite/maraschino cherry concoctions.

A: Probably the next trip I take to Europe will be to Spain. I’ll bring you guys.

T: Of course you will. What movie do think we’re playing in, Home Alone?

T: This pancake is warm, warmer than lava.
A: What?! I’m surprised it didn’t melt your plate.
T: I’m surprised it didn’t kill me.

T, genuinely perplexed: Who would touch BUNS?





Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:38 am

Callum accidentally stepped on Tobin’s hand.

A:  Was that red mark already there, or did it happen when Callum stepped on your hand?

T:  I think it just came with my body.


Rhymes with…

Filed under: — Aprille @ 6:01 pm
Tobin was goofing around near a wine display at Walgreen’s and picked up a bottle.
A: Put that down. If you drop it, it will break and that will be a big problem.
T: (muttering) Bam.
A: What?
T: Bam.
A: Oh, okay.
T: Why?
A: I thought you said a rude word.
T: What rude word?
A: I don’t want to say it here.
T: I know what the rude word is. Let me whisper it to you.
(I bent down and put my ear to his mouth)
T: Crap.


The full spectrum

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:27 pm

T: Are you wearing eyeshadow?

A: Yes, I have a little bit of pink on my eyes.

T: Puke?!

A: No, pink. (Jokingly) When people see my eyes, I want them to think, “vomit.”

T: Well, vomit could be any color, depending on what you ate.


Cooking up a plan

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:48 pm

T: I wish Mubby and Skitter lived in Iowa City, right next door to us. Then I could just go over there and say hi.
A: Yeah, that would be fun.
T: Only they would have a different house, and it might not have a balcony. (pause) Or cookie cutters.


A firm opinion

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:19 pm

T:  Can I have more goldfish?
A:  Okay, but you have to let me clean out your ears afterward.
T:  That’s a sturdy trick!  (pause)  What does sturdy mean?


Full of suggestions

Filed under: — Aprille @ 3:22 pm

We’re trying to discourage the kids from being sanctimonious tattle-tales.

T: (to Miles) You need to tie your shoes.
A: Yes, he does, but you’re not his dad.
T: Neither are you.


Latin roots

Filed under: — Aprille @ 1:39 pm

M:  What’s a Mexican restaurant’s favorite spell?

Everybody else:  What?

M:  Petrificus tortillas.


A lack of education

Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:49 pm

Tobin, Callum and I were sitting at the table having bedtime snack while Miles was in the shower. 

A:  I’m going to go try to get Tobin out of the sh—I mean Miles.  What is wrong with my brain?

T:  Maybe you never went to preschool.



Recent Tobinismos

Filed under: — Aprille @ 5:59 pm

We’ve been talking about the signs of spring. Tobin is getting very excited about it.

T: That tree has buds on it!
A: It sure does. That must mean spring is coming.
T: Those are kind of a private area for trees.
A: Oh?
T: Because it rhymes with (whispering) butts.

The topic of crushes has come up in our house due to the Harry Potter/Cho Chang tension.

Tobin: I have a crush on [redacted].
Aprille: Oh yeah? I have a crush on your dad.
Tobin: You DO? Does he KNOW?

Tobin: Why do we wear green on St. Patrick’s Day?
Denny: Because St. Patrick was from Ireland, and it’s really green there. The Emerald Isle. They say he drove the snakes out of Ireland.
Tobin: (after puzzling for a moment) How did he get them in his car?
Denny: …
Tobin: You said he DROVE them.

We’re waiting on Miles to get moving so we can go out for breakfast.
A: Is Miles up yet?
T: Yes, but I’m sorry to say, only figuratively.


Defying expectations

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:22 pm

Tobin was checking out the Valentine’s Day treats he got at school.

T:  I like Smarties as much as the next kid, but…I love them.


Pluses and minuses

Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:11 pm

I was buckling Tobin into his car seat.

T:  Don’t you just love Callum’s hugs?
A:  I do.  You know who else’s hugs I love?  Yours.

Then I leaned down and gave him a big hug.

T:  You know what I don’t like?
A:  What?
T:  Eating hair.



Filed under: — Aprille @ 4:18 pm

A:  I like your hairstyle, Tobin.

T:  I made it kind of flat.

A:  What did you use, water?

T:  No…

A:  What did you use?

T:  Spit.

A:  …


Process of elimination

Filed under: — Aprille @ 11:33 am

Miles is his class’s “Star of the Week” this week, and all weekend he was so excited to go to school on Monday.  Unfortunately, late Sunday night, I heard the sounds of vomiting coming from the boys’ shared room.  Later, I recounted my thoughts on the topic to the boys.

A:  When I heard it, I thought, “I hope it’s Tobin.”  Not that I want you to be sick, of course.  I never want any of you to be sick.  I just knew how much Miles wanted to go to school.

T:  I hoped it was Miles.


Maury agrees

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:55 am

We dropped Miles off at school, then I did my usual sanity check to make sure things were as they should be.

A: Okay, do I have two kids in the car?

T: Yep, and they’re both yours.


Undeniable truths

Filed under: — Aprille @ 8:13 pm

M:  Tobin touched an ornament.

A:  Tobin, don’t touch the ornaments.

M:  Tobin touched an ornament again.

A:  Tobin, don’t touch the ornaments.  Miles, don’t be a tattletale.  Nobody likes a tattletale.

T:  Nobody likes a black mamba in their lunch bag.


Gruesome fruit

Filed under: — Aprille @ 2:47 pm

A: What did you have for snack today?
T: Animal crackers. Other kids had apples.
A: Why didn’t you have apples? You like apples.
T: I don’t like Hoover apples.
A: Not as good as Honeycrisps, huh?
T: No.
A: What do Hoover apples taste like?
T: Like two monsters stuffed on spikes.
A: Oh my.

Questions and answers

Filed under: — Aprille @ 9:51 am

T: What’s the difference between Tuesday and Thursday?
M: They’re different days of the week.
T: So they both don’t know karate?
M: Tobin, exactly what planet are you from?
T: Earff.



Filed under: — Aprille @ 7:55 pm

Tobin has been into bathroom humor lately, which we’re trying to discourage by minimizing our response to it.

T:  Close your eyes, or I’ll poop on your head!

D:  That’s not funny.  Please don’t say that.

M:  Do you even have to go poop?

…at which point we totally blew our attempt not to laugh.

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